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Author Topic: Heartbroken - Can i get this girl back? How do i handle this? Struggling to cope

November 02, 2019, 11:59:54 AM
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AlexDavies233


Hi,

I am seeking some advice on my current situation. I am really struggling to cope and don't really know how I should go forward and handle my situation. I will list below my situation - I will try to keep it short but also include the detail. Hopefully you can try and help me.

So I met this girl face to face where we both work. At first, for me there was not a strong physical attraction. However, what I did notice was that we clicked instantly and got on so well immediately - a connection some call it. We have many similarities but also have our differences which was always a healthy balance for us.

One evening, she messaged me via social media for general chat. This chat continued and we spoke to each other everyday via text/social media for around a year. At first, I felt like she had an interest in me. This is from the way she acted around me and seemed to want my attention. This worked well as we both got on so well and really enjoyed each others company.

After a couple of months of talking more seriously, I offered to take her out. We had such a good laugh and enjoyed it, we continued to go on dates, activities, go round each others houses and spent time together.

An important thing to note is that myself and her knew that we would never rush anything. She said to others when i was around before we was talking seriously that she would like to talk to a boy for more than a year or longer in order to really know him before getting into anything. This girl is very set in her ways in the fact that she has ideal situations of how things should turn out, or how she would like.

However, knowing this, we still got on so well and really enjoyed each other that we continued. I felt we was only getting better and stronger. We went on a trip abroad together with friends, we have been to hotels and spas together and did many other actives such as going to the cinema, zoo and each others houses etc.

It is really important to note that although we did not put any label on our relationship, we did the normal things which anyone in a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship would do.

So after around 11months of talking, 8 months of those being serious and also 7/8 months of going on dates and all our other various actives, I noticed a change in her general mood with me. I gave it about a week as she was ill so thought it may just be that. However, once this continued and I could tell she wasn't acting the same with me, i began asked her.

After asking her what was wrong, I finally got something out of her and she said that she had been thinking. She then continued to say the following:
"I feel like you want a girlfriend, but I don't want a boyfriend".

As soon as i read that, it broke my heart. Another important thing to note is that I do not catch feelings easily. The situation we had was good for me as we both knew neither of us wanted to rush anything. However, after this long period of time of spending time together and getting on so well, I had developed very very strong feelings for this girl and still do. I thought the absolute world of this girl and treated her how a girl should be treated. Even though we knew nothing was going to be rushed, in the later stages, I did begin to feel that I wanted a relationship with this girl and would of said the same for how she felt prior to her changing over the 2 weeks.

Her reasoning for not wanting a relationship was simply because she feels that she is not ready for a relationship. She says that it scares her, panic's her and stresses her out. Therefore she feels like she isn't ready yet. For me, I felt like this was a nice and polite way of saying that she does not want a relationship with me. However, whilst I do not 100% know for certain, she has told me several times that it is not because of me, it's simply that she does not feel ready to have a relationship with anyone at all. Again, this broke my heart because of how well we connected, got on and just enjoyed each other.

Her parents loved me, her family and friends also. They all thought so highly of me and this was another reason why i felt things were going so well. Everything seemed to be falling into place.


Throughout the time of her telling me how she feels, she has made it very very clear by repeatedly saying on many different occasions, that her saying she is not ready for a relationship is not saying 'No' to me. She has made it clear that she is not saying we are completely over, she is not saying no to me and this is it but at the same time, she cant promise anything because she does not know when she will be ready or if she will be at all.



After going back and forth for a couple weeks of telling each other how we exactly felt about each other, we had a chat face to face. I said I think it's probably for the best if we stop talking via text/social media. I felt we needed to do this because me talking to her having these feelings what be a 'look what you can't have' situation and I told her exactly that. At first, she was keen to keep chatting and to "just see what happens" but this has messed so much with my head, I said the above and again and she understood.

Since then, we have spoken about it. She says she is upset and is not particularly happy about it but at the same time said she cant control how she feels and it is what is it. She once again mentioned that she was not completely saying 'No' to me, she is just saying now is not the time.


So about 1 or 2 weeks ago of me writing this, she text me. Prior to this, we hadn't spoken to each other for a couple weeks via text - only face to face. She asked me how I was and other general chat. This chat has continued and i don't know what to do. I know for a fact that she sees our current conversation as just general chat between 2 people - nothing more. However, it confuses me as to why she would bother messaging me? I still have these feelings for this girl and so still enjoy chatting to her, but should I be texting her when all the above has gone on? I don't know what to do?


I really want to win this girl back over. I have always been confident around her, masculine, made her laugh, entertained her, looked after her and cared for her. As well as treating her the correct way and just in general being how you should be. But, this does of seemed to be enough? I don't know if it's possible to win this girl back over? I don't know what I should do going forward? Do I stop texting her? What do i do? I am so stuck and struggling to cope - I thought the absolute world of this girl and she knows that.

A couple more important things to note about this girl is the following. She is very stubborn and has a lot of pride. She is not boy crazy at all, I am actually the only 2nd boy ever to of been with her and she definitely does not want to have a lot of boys throughout her life. She is also very strong in the fact that she will not rely on a man for anything. She is unlike many other girls. She would never rush anything.


So overall, I want this girl back and for us to be in a relationship. Do you think this is possible? How should I handle this situation? Should I continue to text her daily or shall I say what I said before? Or do I just need to move on? Is there anyway to overcome this situation with the outcome i want?

Please try and give me the best advice to deal with this situation. She is unlike other girls and I feel like this situation is so rare.


Thanks,
Alex
« Last Edit: November 02, 2019, 01:07:06 PM by AlexDavies233 »

November 12, 2019, 08:26:56 AM
Reply #1
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Val


When you speak about a relationship do you mean sex?
Your girlfriend is a unique person, very rare nowadays. She understands that to be a virgin is important for her future marriage.
But you tried pushing her to sex, right? She likes you, but she wants marriage, and no sex before marriage. If you will apologize and talk with her you maybe can fix your problem.

November 12, 2019, 08:44:07 AM
Reply #2
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PomelaShing


Hello. My name is Pomela and for a very long time I can not find a man. Everything is fine with my appearance and I always follow myself. But unfortunately I have absolutely no luck in love. All the relationships that I had ended in failure. I don’t know what is going on. Help me with advice or there are suitable men here, write to me.
I am 35 years old. I am interested in men who are at least 5 years younger than me, and of course, I am more terrible than me for an indefinite age. Please do not write to me if you are under 30 years old. I am also interested in men exclusively white or Caucasian !!! I am always happy and open to communication. I'm already tired of waking up alone in a cold bed every morning. I love to cook and always listen to my man. Nowadays, less and less are real men who can protect their girls. Make me feel like a woman again. You can write me an email address: pomelashing@gmail.com

November 17, 2019, 02:10:26 PM
Reply #3
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ConnorGoldy


This would honestly be so hard especially because of the time and effort you've put into this girl and how it isn't reciprocated after it all. I honestly think you may just need to cut your losses and find a girl who would seriously appreciate you and everything you od for them. You'll be much happier

 

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