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Author Topic: Guy with close female friend

September 15, 2019, 10:07:10 PM
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Sorry for the long post. Would really like to hear women's point of view from what my friend may be thinking in her mind but also would like to hear from the guys point of view as well. 

I am a guy with a very close female friend who is a co-worker also. She is 43 and I'm 32. I get told I am very mature for my age. Have been told that since I was 16 (long story behind that). We know a lot about each other, more than most people would think. We have a bond that I have never experienced before with any other relationship I have had in my life prior to now. We think alike, say the same thing at the same time and act simular. All frequently accruing. She gets anxiety if I'm not at work during the day when she works. I feel I have some anxiety as well if I don't get to see her, I do miss her those days as she does me. Days that we are off we text frequently and call and talk at times also. There are little things that I am having trouble understanding or would like some clarity. She says I calm her down when she gets anxiety and/or upset about something just by the sound of my voice or my presents being there. We do tell each other we love each other which to the best of my knowledge she means it in a close friend manner also. We hug often and also have the occational kiss on the cheek. I believe she trusts me deeper than anyone of her other friends. She has even called me her best friend several times to other people/customers at work and does it with enthusiasm. Even her parents love me. They hug me really tight eveytime they see me. She talks to her parents about things we do. She also will grab my arm at times to get my attention or when she's walking pass me from behind she will pat or slide her hands over my back or squeeze my shoulders at times. She's definitely comfortable be around me. She's not afraid to stand close enough to me for our arms to touch. We go to lunch most days together that we work. When we talk to each other or are conversing she has this dead stare in my eyes while she does it. I always make eye contact when I talk to people. It's respectful.

We are both in other relationships but both are on thin ice I feel. At least I know for a fact mine is on it's last leg. I am actually currently preparing for the worse for mine. She says all the time she don't want to be around the guy she is with and is relieved when he's gone on the road. Her and I have never been sexual at all. Strong hugs and some kisses on the cheek is all but I believe (at least from my perspective) it was in a friend like manner. We joke around a lot, laugh our asses off all the time. She says things like "hearing you laugh and making you smile is my favorite thing" or "you brighten my day." A few days ago, her son (who's 23) was in a bind on money for a few days asked to borrow $20 from his mom (my friend) to get him by till pay day. He has never asked for money. She had $44 in her account and she gave him $40, pretty much all she had. We met him down at the gas station because he was needing fuel to get to work and home also. I asked her if he needed more money to get through the week. She says she was giving all she had and hoped it would get him through (she cares a lot about her sons). I told her I will fill his tank up so he don't have to worry about gas for the week at least... Later that evening she messaged me that she wanted to cry because of it. She said she greatly appriecated it and that it was such a sweet gesture. I didn't really think much about it, I just did it. I've been at the stage in life before. I know how it feels. She said she didn't cry because she wanted to enjoy our lunch break together with the time we had together.

So, I hoping to try understand a little better what she might be thinking in her mind.... or if I'm over thinking this. Is she using me? Is she trying to keep me close so if our other relationships do go south she has someone to go to? Or are we just that close of friends? Or does she possibly feel something different for me and is trying to not show it till the right time? I'm pretty confident we care a lot about each other and both feel for the other.

I appreciate any feed back. Ask any questions you may have. Thanks

(I'm aware of the focus that should be on the other relationships but that's not what I want this post to be about)

October 22, 2019, 04:29:29 PM
Reply #1


This is too much. Dangerous. And completely out of bounds.

The only reason I say this, is because you are BOTH in relationships. Do you want to know why yours is on thin ice? Because all of your emotional connection is with this older woman, who is selfishly taking it, and paying no respect to her female tribe on the matter of BOUNDARIES.

You need to either drop the actual relationship you're in, or you need to cool it with this older woman. This is not ok, and it doesn't matter you haven't had sex. It's almost worse with all of this emotional deep connection you have. Bottom line, you need to figure out what you want, NOW. And this older woman should be ashamed for not respecting her fellow gal who is in a relationship with you, AND her man who is giving his love to her. Figure it out. If you both were single, and doing all this stuff, then cool. You have something deep. But this is just childish. You both need to get your mess worked out. Good luck


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