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Author Topic: Girlfriend texting other guys

February 12, 2019, 07:21:04 AM
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JimInChicago


I've been dating this girl for 5 months.  I don't think she's cheating on me, but she's forgotten her phone at my place twice. Both times, two guys I have never heard of, texted her.

Now I don't care if she had guy friends, but we've been dating for 5 months and she's never mentioned either guy.  She apparently has been texting back and forth with both guys for quite some time.

I confronted her about it and she denied that anything improper is happening with them.  But she later revealed that one of the guys has been asking her out, and I've noticed that since I asked her, she apparently turned the volume off on her phone.

I get the distinct feeling that she's hiding something from me.

Should I be worried? 
« Last Edit: February 12, 2019, 07:29:35 AM by JimInChicago »

February 12, 2019, 06:30:26 PM
Reply #1
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JNelmondo


Frankly, yes.

Not because it's guaranteed that anything untoward is happening, moreso because she now knows that this is fundamentally a trust issue and rather than address it she seems to have shrugged it off.

If the tables were turned here, would you not go the extra mile to ensure that she knew the long and short of the texts?

Sure, she denies it. Fair enough. But she has done nothing to ease your doubts. That's what makes my internal alarm bell ring.
Author of dubious success and the pixelated face behind the articles at the unknownbreakup.com

February 13, 2019, 08:53:54 PM
Reply #2
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Staff

Forum Staff
Frankly, yes.

Not because it's guaranteed that anything untoward is happening, moreso because she now knows that this is fundamentally a trust issue and rather than address it she seems to have shrugged it off.

If the tables were turned here, would you not go the extra mile to ensure that she knew the long and short of the texts?

Sure, she denies it. Fair enough. But she has done nothing to ease your doubts. That's what makes my internal alarm bell ring.

Good response @JNelmondo - +1 repped. you. I also emailed.  :D
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

February 14, 2019, 02:33:24 AM
Reply #3
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JimInChicago


Last night, I caught her lying to me.  I saw her texting one of these guys, so I asked her about it.  She denied that she was texting them.  So, I asked to see her phone and sure enough, she had texted one of them.

I still don't think she's cheating on me, but I don't understand why she's hiding this from me.

February 14, 2019, 05:26:19 PM
Reply #4
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JNelmondo


Last night, I caught her lying to me.  I saw her texting one of these guys, so I asked her about it.  She denied that she was texting them.  So, I asked to see her phone and sure enough, she had texted one of them.

I still don't think she's cheating on me, but I don't understand why she's hiding this from me.

I was going to say you're in a bit of a bind, because insisting will make you look like you lack trust. But the fact that you flat out caught her lying...

Well, let me put it this way.

You might not have caught her cheating, but in a sense lying about something like this is still a form of betrayal. She has lied to your face at least twice now. That says something about where this is all heading.

There's not much point in bringing it up over and over since she's already proven willing and able to lie to you, so prodding her gently is only going to end up driving you insane. Either you confront her directly, proof in hand (and risk increasing the tension), or you let it go and trust she's doing the right thing (and risk further betrayal). There are no easy choices here, though I know what I'd do.

Good response @JNelmondo - +1 repped. you. I also emailed.  :D


Thank you! I got an email about being mentioned, but that's about it :)


Author of dubious success and the pixelated face behind the articles at the unknownbreakup.com

February 15, 2019, 03:54:28 AM
Reply #5
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winstonjack


Why are you denying the obvious? Do you think if she was into you she would be acting this way? She is playing the field so don't be surprised if one day she says goodbye when someone comes along that is  "the one".

February 20, 2019, 06:51:41 AM
Reply #6
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JayEssss


I agree with others here.. Honestly think you should break up with her.

February 28, 2019, 06:32:11 PM
Reply #7
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anxiousinlove


I was in a similar situation, and the best advice I can give you is trust your gut. We tend to be very intuitive when we listen to the signs.

If you have confronted her about these conversations, and she has told you they are just friends and nothing to worry about, you have two options.

1. You trust her. Has she lied to you before? Has she been flirtatious with other guys before? If you do not have any explicit signs that she is lying to you, you are going to push her away with your distrust. Your second option is:
2. End the relationship. Once you stop trusting someone, it is difficult to get that back. If she is showing red flags, it is up to you decide whether or not they are deal breakers.

Simply put, if you cannot trust your significant other, it is best to end it before it progresses and causes you both unnecessary pain. I know it is hard to put your trust in someone else, but it is imperative to make your relationship work.

Best of luck.

March 02, 2019, 06:08:54 AM
Reply #8
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Kaynyne


I definitely see room for concern. In my mind, if your girl won’t understand what you are upset about when she is talking to other guys, it’s normally not a good sign.

I would try to talk to her about it more, make it obvious to her that it’s not okay for you, and if that doesn’t work then it isn’t worth stressing about man. Sorry to say it but another woman is out there.

March 02, 2019, 04:52:22 PM
Reply #9
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Eric21


This is an annoying situation but it is something you need to take control of. Simply talk with her and tell her how you feel about her texting other guys. If it really bothers you, tell her that. Tell her you just feel uncomfortable because she never mentions the guys to you.

March 06, 2019, 09:05:49 AM
Reply #10
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Talkingpoint88


Question to ask yourself is , if you see yourself with her long term. If so there has to be trust. There's no long term relationship if there's no trust



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March 07, 2019, 07:16:10 AM
Reply #11
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Stratoblaster


Shes hiding somthing... ask her if she told the guy texting her that you are her boyfriend and not try to keep asking her to go out

March 25, 2019, 03:18:41 AM
Reply #12
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Troubled Soul


If possible, make it known to that man on the other side of the line that you exist.  Perhaps during house parties, or just a double date.  Get your girlfriend to arrange for it, if there's nothing between them, what is the problem. 

Warning, if you cannot resolve the doubt, do not go deeper into this relationship.

Wish you well.

March 26, 2019, 12:25:58 PM
Reply #13
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Caguioa747


For me, a girl that already has a boyfriend doesnt need a guy textmate because it is clearly a form of cheating.

March 26, 2019, 08:09:25 PM
Reply #14
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Bruu123


hmmm ok :D good luck bro, I hope you find the one.

March 27, 2019, 06:07:20 AM
Reply #15
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potchuy203


I've been dating this girl for 5 months.  I don't think she's cheating on me, but she's forgotten her phone at my place twice. Both times, two guys I have never heard of, texted her.

Now I don't care if she had guy friends, but we've been dating for 5 months and she's never mentioned either guy.  She apparently has been texting back and forth with both guys for quite some time.

I confronted her about it and she denied that anything improper is happening with them.  But she later revealed that one of the guys has been asking her out, and I've noticed that since I asked her, she apparently turned the volume off on her phone.

I get the distinct feeling that she's hiding something from me.

Should I be worried?
Thanks for sharing your problem. I think you need to really talk to her heart to heart. You ask about her true feelings for you. Its hard to love somebody who is in love with other guys. I believe that honesty is one of the best ways that you love somebody.

 

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