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Author Topic: Girlfriend texting other guys

February 12, 2019, 07:21:04 AM
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JimInChicago


I've been dating this girl for 5 months.  I don't think she's cheating on me, but she's forgotten her phone at my place twice. Both times, two guys I have never heard of, texted her.

Now I don't care if she had guy friends, but we've been dating for 5 months and she's never mentioned either guy.  She apparently has been texting back and forth with both guys for quite some time.

I confronted her about it and she denied that anything improper is happening with them.  But she later revealed that one of the guys has been asking her out, and I've noticed that since I asked her, she apparently turned the volume off on her phone.

I get the distinct feeling that she's hiding something from me.

Should I be worried? 
« Last Edit: February 12, 2019, 07:29:35 AM by JimInChicago »

February 12, 2019, 06:30:26 PM
Reply #1
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JNelmondo


Frankly, yes.

Not because it's guaranteed that anything untoward is happening, moreso because she now knows that this is fundamentally a trust issue and rather than address it she seems to have shrugged it off.

If the tables were turned here, would you not go the extra mile to ensure that she knew the long and short of the texts?

Sure, she denies it. Fair enough. But she has done nothing to ease your doubts. That's what makes my internal alarm bell ring.
Author of dubious success and the pixelated face behind the articles at the unknownbreakup.com

February 13, 2019, 08:53:54 PM
Reply #2
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Staff

Forum Staff
Frankly, yes.

Not because it's guaranteed that anything untoward is happening, moreso because she now knows that this is fundamentally a trust issue and rather than address it she seems to have shrugged it off.

If the tables were turned here, would you not go the extra mile to ensure that she knew the long and short of the texts?

Sure, she denies it. Fair enough. But she has done nothing to ease your doubts. That's what makes my internal alarm bell ring.

Good response @JNelmondo - +1 repped. you. I also emailed.  :D
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

February 14, 2019, 02:33:24 AM
Reply #3
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JimInChicago


Last night, I caught her lying to me.  I saw her texting one of these guys, so I asked her about it.  She denied that she was texting them.  So, I asked to see her phone and sure enough, she had texted one of them.

I still don't think she's cheating on me, but I don't understand why she's hiding this from me.

February 14, 2019, 05:26:19 PM
Reply #4
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JNelmondo


Last night, I caught her lying to me.  I saw her texting one of these guys, so I asked her about it.  She denied that she was texting them.  So, I asked to see her phone and sure enough, she had texted one of them.

I still don't think she's cheating on me, but I don't understand why she's hiding this from me.

I was going to say you're in a bit of a bind, because insisting will make you look like you lack trust. But the fact that you flat out caught her lying...

Well, let me put it this way.

You might not have caught her cheating, but in a sense lying about something like this is still a form of betrayal. She has lied to your face at least twice now. That says something about where this is all heading.

There's not much point in bringing it up over and over since she's already proven willing and able to lie to you, so prodding her gently is only going to end up driving you insane. Either you confront her directly, proof in hand (and risk increasing the tension), or you let it go and trust she's doing the right thing (and risk further betrayal). There are no easy choices here, though I know what I'd do.

Good response @JNelmondo - +1 repped. you. I also emailed.  :D


Thank you! I got an email about being mentioned, but that's about it :)


Author of dubious success and the pixelated face behind the articles at the unknownbreakup.com

February 15, 2019, 03:54:28 AM
Reply #5
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winstonjack


Why are you denying the obvious? Do you think if she was into you she would be acting this way? She is playing the field so don't be surprised if one day she says goodbye when someone comes along that is  "the one".

February 20, 2019, 06:51:41 AM
Reply #6
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JayEssss


I agree with others here.. Honestly think you should break up with her.

February 28, 2019, 06:32:11 PM
Reply #7
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anxiousinlove


I was in a similar situation, and the best advice I can give you is trust your gut. We tend to be very intuitive when we listen to the signs.

If you have confronted her about these conversations, and she has told you they are just friends and nothing to worry about, you have two options.

1. You trust her. Has she lied to you before? Has she been flirtatious with other guys before? If you do not have any explicit signs that she is lying to you, you are going to push her away with your distrust. Your second option is:
2. End the relationship. Once you stop trusting someone, it is difficult to get that back. If she is showing red flags, it is up to you decide whether or not they are deal breakers.

Simply put, if you cannot trust your significant other, it is best to end it before it progresses and causes you both unnecessary pain. I know it is hard to put your trust in someone else, but it is imperative to make your relationship work.

Best of luck.

March 02, 2019, 06:08:54 AM
Reply #8
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Kaynyne


I definitely see room for concern. In my mind, if your girl won’t understand what you are upset about when she is talking to other guys, it’s normally not a good sign.

I would try to talk to her about it more, make it obvious to her that it’s not okay for you, and if that doesn’t work then it isn’t worth stressing about man. Sorry to say it but another woman is out there.

March 02, 2019, 04:52:22 PM
Reply #9
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Eric21


This is an annoying situation but it is something you need to take control of. Simply talk with her and tell her how you feel about her texting other guys. If it really bothers you, tell her that. Tell her you just feel uncomfortable because she never mentions the guys to you.

March 07, 2019, 07:16:10 AM
Reply #10
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Stratoblaster


Shes hiding somthing... ask her if she told the guy texting her that you are her boyfriend and not try to keep asking her to go out

March 25, 2019, 03:18:41 AM
Reply #11
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Troubled Soul


If possible, make it known to that man on the other side of the line that you exist.  Perhaps during house parties, or just a double date.  Get your girlfriend to arrange for it, if there's nothing between them, what is the problem. 

Warning, if you cannot resolve the doubt, do not go deeper into this relationship.

Wish you well.

March 26, 2019, 12:25:58 PM
Reply #12
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Caguioa747


For me, a girl that already has a boyfriend doesnt need a guy textmate because it is clearly a form of cheating.

March 26, 2019, 08:09:25 PM
Reply #13
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Bruu123


hmmm ok :D good luck bro, I hope you find the one.

March 27, 2019, 06:07:20 AM
Reply #14
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potchuy203


I've been dating this girl for 5 months.  I don't think she's cheating on me, but she's forgotten her phone at my place twice. Both times, two guys I have never heard of, texted her.

Now I don't care if she had guy friends, but we've been dating for 5 months and she's never mentioned either guy.  She apparently has been texting back and forth with both guys for quite some time.

I confronted her about it and she denied that anything improper is happening with them.  But she later revealed that one of the guys has been asking her out, and I've noticed that since I asked her, she apparently turned the volume off on her phone.

I get the distinct feeling that she's hiding something from me.

Should I be worried?
Thanks for sharing your problem. I think you need to really talk to her heart to heart. You ask about her true feelings for you. Its hard to love somebody who is in love with other guys. I believe that honesty is one of the best ways that you love somebody.

June 17, 2019, 11:18:31 PM
Reply #15
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jorge


If she continue to behave in a manner suggestive of concealing something, you may have valid grounds to be worried.

June 18, 2019, 02:43:51 AM
Reply #16
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KeeyUhhJay


Sadly I would have to agree with everyone on this one. if you are only 5 months in and already asking to see the phone...thats a BIG RED FLAG. not to mention the fact that she has nvr told u about them. if there were truly nothing going on she would've told u who they were when u asked her the first time. as for the guy trying to ask her out, she should've cut him off because at that point she has no respect for yall relationship. She clearly can see that it bothers u because u keep confronting her about it. its time to move on and let someone else take the place. u deserve better than hoping that she is telling the truth. I hope this helps and I wasn't being to harsh.

June 18, 2019, 08:21:02 AM
Reply #17
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xander


I'm in the same / similar situation,

...new girlfriend of 4 months, had an affair before we got together. Have since been in social gatherings with the same guy (whom is married and has two kids, but his wife has no idea), first social gathering with this guy - he was very weird towards me, just starred and no conversation, so had to break the ice and chat, other people noticed this behavior also.  He sent me a ridiculous apologetic plee email, saying "what close friends we are" blah blah, but he did not mention he had been having an affair with my new girlfriend.

New girlfriend has not mentioned anything about the affair with this guy, she has just told me this guy (of two kids and wife) has been "creeping on her".  Think she is in denial over her history with this guy, but clearly some of her friends are aware of the full story, just no one (including her!) has been honest about this situation.  They are still in contact and I have seen some of the messages about how he misses her and the "chats" they used to have "not the other stuff", but she appears to not reply with the same intention, but the whatsapp channel for historic communication (sex chat) is still open. For all I know they chatting all the time, she is just very good and deleting all the recent messages between them, I just have to suck it up and not let my mind play games on me.

Have confronted her about it but she gets very defensive and turns into a small argument, so I no longer mention it, I don't mention anything about it anymore.

Obviously frustration lies with the fact she still has contact with him, but I have to let it go / let it happen otherwise it just ends up in argument, and it pushes her away, so just playing it cool for now.
 Weird though knowing (that's how it feels at least) you are not the only one competing for her affections, so it does feel bit of a love triangle. 

Maybe I should mention about hanging out with other females and see how she reacts?

June 18, 2019, 12:52:49 PM
Reply #18
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bass123


If they are her friends they wouldn't be asking her out, wouldn't they? She likes the attention obviously, however, you must make it clear it's either you or messing around with other guys. Draw a line.

 

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