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Author Topic: Girlfriend is interested in women!

March 24, 2019, 01:06:33 PM
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Guigarguy


Hi all!

This is sort of a two part question. I have been dating a woman for 2 months and I am starting to fall for her. We have amazing chemistry and communicate so well. I have two issues however.

The first is that she has a history of cheating and also open relationships. She said she has changed and wants to be monogamous as she was in her last long term relationship. She is veey honest and we talk about all of this and I know she would not cheat, but she sometimes still wonders if she is just better off with multiple partners. That said, she said she felt she may have been doing that due to fear of getting truly close to one person. This is the lesser of the two issues as we seem to have gotten past this and she assures me she wants to only be with one person, and it seems to be me. She moves slowly so we are still getting to know each other better.

The bigger issues for me is that she is bi and wants to still have occasional sex with her long time female friend. I am fine with her being bi, but her having sex with another person, bothers me. She says she much prefers men but every few years has to have sex with her woman friend. Right now she is away in California and she is staying some days with this woman and I know they are having sex. She has a high libido, like me. She never asked me how it made me feel, that she is having sex with a woman. For me, sex is between me and my special person, and I don't like sharing. I need it to be just us. One time she told me this will be the last time she has sex with her, but then another time whe said that every now and then she needs sex with a woman. Instead of asking me how it made me feel, she just brushed it off and said that it's not like she has a penis, so I have nothing to worry about. I think she is missing the point as to why it bothers me. Sex is very emotional for me so seeing her be intimate with another person, is hard for me to deal with. I need to ask her if this is something she needs for the rest of her life and if I can live with that before this goes further. :(

She has known this woman for years. And I know she loves her as a friend but they make out and have sex so it makes me feel like sh wis sharing deep intimacy with someone other than me, and it kills me.

Thoughts?

Thanks!

April 03, 2019, 03:56:44 PM
Reply #1
Offline

Wrza


First off, let me say that I’m hardly some relationship guru who has all the answers.  That’s exactly what I joined here to get.  However, I do have some experience in this area.
My ex, who I was with for a few years, was someone who absolutely needed to be in a relationship.  She dumped her previous boyfriend to start dating me after she’d dumped her boyfriend before that and the one before that.  I should have taken that as a warning sign, but I was lonely and we had good chemistry, the same interests, and it certainly helped that she was pretty hot.  It also turned out that she was bi, which initially wasn’t a problem and just meant that we shared the same tastes in pornography, so that was another plus to me.
A year or so in she wanted to start dating another girl, and I decided I was fine with it.  I ended up pretty friendly with her girlfriend as we also had a lot in common.  We even tried to have a threesome a couple of times, though that never panned out.  Overall, I was fine with the set up. 
Eventually it turned out that she’d dump me for the next guy and I’ve since grown pretty bitter when I remember her, but in my case I was emotionally fine with her being bi and having a girl on the side.  It didn’t bother me, so it never turned into an issue for us. 
It seems like it bothers you quite a bit, though.  I’m not sure if it’s because of her promiscuous past is the problem that makes you feel like her sharing intimacy with another woman subverts your relationship, or if it’s just the fact that she brushes off your concerns in favor of her own desires.  But, as I see it, if you are that twisted up that she keeps hooking up with this other woman, and if you can’t bring yourself to accept it AND she won’t take your feelings on the issue into consideration... well, she might not be the one for you.
Again, I don’t claim to be an expert on any relationship matters.  Just my thoughts.  Hope they help.

April 05, 2019, 02:38:52 AM
Reply #2
Offline

Jonah


First off, let me say that I’m hardly some relationship guru who has all the answers.  That’s exactly what I joined here to get.  However, I do have some experience in this area.
My ex, who I was with for a few years, was someone who absolutely needed to be in a relationship.  She dumped her previous boyfriend to start dating me after she’d dumped her boyfriend before that and the one before that.  I should have taken that as a warning sign, but I was lonely and we had good chemistry, the same interests, and it certainly helped that she was pretty hot.  It also turned out that she was bi, which initially wasn’t a problem and just meant that we shared the same tastes in pornography, so that was another plus to me.
A year or so in she wanted to start dating another girl, and I decided I was fine with it.  I ended up pretty friendly with her girlfriend as we also had a lot in common.  We even tried to have a threesome a couple of times, though that never panned out.  Overall, I was fine with the set up. 
Eventually it turned out that she’d dump me for the next guy and I’ve since grown pretty bitter when I remember her, but in my case I was emotionally fine with her being bi and having a girl on the side.  It didn’t bother me, so it never turned into an issue for us. 
It seems like it bothers you quite a bit, though.  I’m not sure if it’s because of her promiscuous past is the problem that makes you feel like her sharing intimacy with another woman subverts your relationship, or if it’s just the fact that she brushes off your concerns in favor of her own desires.  But, as I see it, if you are that twisted up that she keeps hooking up with this other woman, and if you can’t bring yourself to accept it AND she won’t take your feelings on the issue into consideration... well, she might not be the one for you.
Again, I don’t claim to be an expert on any relationship matters.  Just my thoughts.  Hope they help.
hrmmm interesting lstz hope everything can be zortsd out

April 11, 2019, 11:25:32 AM
Reply #3
Offline

kathether


I personally wouldn't mind her being frisky with other women. If it's only women and if I get to join here and there.
But I understand your problem, sometimes people just are who they are. And if you believe this person is better off with multiple partners, don't do it to yourself to invest in her. She has a history of cheating, you say she won't cheat but it is really something you never know and least expect. So I'd say be careful, don't blindly follow your heart but listen to your gut too. Care for yourself first, always.

 

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