Author Topic: Girlfriend's ex texting her

Erik123 · June 05, 2019, 12:03:55 PM

I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 months now and everything has been great. We both really like each other and are both happy. Just the other day her ex texted her happy birthday and told her that he wants to get lunch with her soon and catch up. They broke up 7 months ago and he’s dating someone else so I am not too worried but I still don’t feel comfortable about them getting together. She texted me saying she isn’t sure if she wants to and wanted my opinion. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable but that I would support her with whatever decision she makes.
Deep down I really don’t even want her to stay in touch with him at all. She said they ended on good terms but she still isn’t sure. I don’t understand why he would want to catch up considering she broke up with him.

Any tips or suggestions for how to handle this?

banny23 · June 05, 2019, 12:16:04 PM

You've already handled it. You can't tell her what to do, and she already asked your opinion, and you have already said you wouldn't be comfortable with it, but it's up to her. There's nothing more to do. If she meets up with him, you'll know that she wasn't as unsure of the situation as she led you to believe. I'm not saying she's gonna jump in bed with him or anything, but if she really wasn't sure if she wanted to meet with him and honestly wanted your opinion and you expressed you would be uncomfortable, it's a no go. If she goes anyway, she wasn't being honest about how she really felt.

madeamistake · June 07, 2019, 12:22:07 AM

Honestly, you already handled it the best way you can. If you don't feel comfortable with it, let her know. If she goes, well, that's on her. Personally, I find it quite off that she even considered it.

robhsdca · June 07, 2019, 12:56:22 PM

You can't spend any of your time considered about what her ex does - or when and why he may reach out to her. You can, however, be concerned about how she reacts. I think you handled it relatively well, but I would always make certain you are being transparent. It sounds as though you did, but possibly could have been taken a little ambiguously by her. I think being blunt and up front about how it bothers you will serve your relationship best, right from the outset in a situation like this. Be fair of course - but leave nothing to question. She can make her own choice, but it should be crystal clear how her choice will affect you. The way you said it here, she is likely left under the impression you will be somewhat okay with her going, just a tad uncomfortable with it. The fact you're sharing this with us tells me you're going to be hurt and totally uncomfortable with it.

The bigger issue to me overall is that she would not see this without you having to tell her and act accordingly.

trangilbert3 · June 15, 2019, 05:12:01 PM

Perhaps look within yourself and try to find the source of that uncomfortable feeling to get rid of it. Also keep in mind your girlfriend asked you for your opinion too so she respects your input on her decisions.

pomiro · November 13, 2019, 02:53:52 AM

Your situation is not simple. I think going to a psychologist will help you. You can see more information here: https://starinfamily.com/importance-of-family-relationships/

buffalo52 · January 20, 2020, 07:29:40 AM

do not show to your girlfriend that you are worried about texting her ex, you have to look like you are sure of yourself and that you trust her. All you have to say to her is that you believe that he wants to get back with her and leave it up to her. IF she dumps you is because she does not love you and she was going to do it eventually anyways....

everybody · January 21, 2020, 09:08:32 AM

I would tell her how you feel. I would NOT want my gf in contact with her ex.

curiousguy · January 21, 2020, 02:40:29 PM

I think feeling jealous is normal. finding out why you are getting so jealous will help you out more in the long run. The way you handled it is the best way to handle this.

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justaguy92 · January 31, 2020, 11:13:46 AM

Its never easy knowing that her ex he contacting her. But by the sounds of it youve handled it really well. the best thing to do is always communicate with your partner. if your not happy about something, tell her in the nicest way possible so that things can be resolved before it created an un needed and un wanted issue in your relationship. Just remember hes an ex.. and an ex for a reason. she is your partner now. thats all that matters

Ashley87 · May 15, 2020, 06:15:08 AM

Quote from: pomiro on November 13, 2019, 02:53:52 AM

Your situation is not simple. I think going to a psychologist will help you. You can see more information here: https://getexbackforgood.com/

Nah, it is not that difficult. No psychologist needed.

First - you don't want to hear this and it's not pleasant, but statistically speaking, chances are that you are a rebound. I hope not, but let's be real, the chance exists.

Second - Don't pretend that you don't mind at all. You don't want to be fake and more importantly, she might get the impression that you don't care (I definitely would).
Let her know that you don't like it at all but if she wants to (after all, they do have some history together), it's up to her. (The bottom line here is that if she wants to see him, she will). But I'd definitely expect her to tell you everything afterward, what was it all about. If he wants her back or "wants to stay friends (= he wants to keep her as a backpocket gf), say strictly NO.

ugh · May 15, 2020, 01:49:55 PM

If she's invested in the relationship, she should respect your comment about being "uncomfortable with it "and not go. Period

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Ahead · May 22, 2020, 09:49:52 AM

Try to tell he ex that she is not interested.

JayR · May 23, 2020, 07:12:16 PM

well, you were right letting her know she was free to make her decision but after her actions you can make yours

J79420 · May 24, 2020, 12:38:10 AM

Something simialar happened to me 5 years ago. The baby daddy would call and such, then they became friendlier, then they started hanging out alll the time, then we were over.

Austo · May 24, 2020, 05:55:57 PM

i think you need to ask yourself "why would you want to hang out with your ex"?

just saying

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ljalan · August 14, 2020, 12:30:48 PM

I've always thought that maintaining relationships with ex's was a good thing because they were special people in our lives but relationship advice columnists always says it's "narcissistic" so I've changed my views. However, these relationships were always maintained on social media with the occasional "how are you" and "oh wow, you have kids now, congrats!". That being said:

I think the best thing you can do for yourself and everyone is sit back and see how things play out. If you're controlling, she will recoil. If she's going to run off with her ex again then you saved yourself a headache by getting out of a relationship with someone who isn't fully in it. You also have to ask yourself how much time has passed. Are you a rebound relationship? If so, then see it for what it is. People need time to heal after a relationship and we often don't do that because we're trying to fill a void.

Take things slowly and stay in control of yourself.

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Author Topic: Girlfriend's ex texting her

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