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Author Topic: Emotional Connection - How Important is it? - Feedback Welcomed

February 19, 2019, 02:19:22 PM
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winstonjack


Emotional connection is not an easy subject to discuss, especially for men. In my mind, emotional connection is what makes a woman fall in love. Even a woman may have a hard time describing what it is - normally they will say something like "he gets me" or "he's so easy to talk to" or "I could talk to him forever" and so on. For the male part, they usually have no idea what they did to make her feel this way so he usually says something like it was meant to be.

So my first question is, what does emotional connection mean to you?


Here is where I attempt to describe emotional connection from a males perspective. NOTE: I have also seen it written as "emotional attraction" but I like the word connection better since that is more inline with what it is or at least what I perceive it to be.

Normally the scenario is the man approaches a lady, small talk at first, -- the discussion becomes this "connection" which in turn stimulates the ladies "emotions". So how does this connection happen?

WAIT: first it may be easier to explain how it NORMALLY DOESN'T HAPPEN: (1) all the man talks about is himself (2) he doesn't actively listen (3) he doesn't look into her eyes (no starring) (4) he sticks to small talk forever (5) he brings up inappropriate topics (i.e sex) and so on. There is probably more but you get the idea.

Just about any discussion starts out with some small talk. But eventually that small talk has to lead to a discussion that connects to the lady's emotions. How do you find what those connections are? Listening and asking questions. Shut up when she is talking. Look at her -- look in her eyes but don't do it in a way you burn a hole  through her pupils. If you can find out what motivates her, how things make her FEEL, you probably will make that connection.

I can't emphasize enough about making a lady FEEL something. That is where the emotional part usually kicks in. If in your discussion you learn that she is a teacher and loves kids, saying anything emotionally connected to that topic probably will trigger her emotions and she'll see you in a different way (she may be thinking - this guy gets me). WAIT: Don't lie, be authentic. Maybe saying something like "if you were my teacher I'd have a crush" or "teachers are not valued enough in this country (just about every teacher believes this) but I would not be the person I am if it wasn't for certain teachers in my life" and so on. As she talks and if you are listening I'm sure there will  other topics that can branch off from your teacher discussion. Heck, you haven't even discussed the topic yet that she loves kids.

I don't want to make this post too long. But laughter. Making a lady laugh may be the ultimate way to flirt.

Once you learn what motivates her, how she feels, what's important to her -- as long as you are making her feel good about herself and the topic you are discussing -- 99.9% of the time she will feel connected to you.  And who knows where it may lead from there.

ANY THOUGHTS?
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 02:26:41 PM by winstonjack »

May 25, 2019, 06:11:57 PM
Reply #1
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matahari


@winstonjack  what an interesting topic, and hearing from your perspective on it was enlightening.
My husband has been suffering for years of our lack of emotional connection, expressing it to me in so many ways i don't count anymore, but i was blind and deaf , stuck in my mind, self centered and taking for granted his love, without making much efforts to listen to him with a genuine feeling.
I am so grateful that somewhat his love for me was strong to stuck by me, waiting for me to wake up. We can be extremely intimate and connected, but it doesn't last, as i quickly go back to my shelf. But i have worked a lot on myself the past four years.
I have been aware lately that his ex-gf and him are still in contact, and their relation is ambiguous. I am sure that my husband contacted her years ago at a time in his life he was at his lowest, with me not showing genuine interest in him. His self esteem and ego got hurt, especially after trying so hard and so long.
I cant blame him to have look for an emotional connection outside of our marriage, as i wasn't available.
I am very much awake and want to learn to be connected with him on a level he needs. I am looking forward for your feedbacks and others replies to your message.

May 27, 2019, 10:56:51 AM
Reply #2
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justme2019


winstonjack I was married for over 20 years. After divorce, waited a few years and started dating after NOT dating for a couple of decades. I found that when there is a "connection" when you meet someone, you'll feel it and want to listen attentively, be authentic, etc. I've met people who said what they thought I wanted to hear (I'm sure I've done the same) but I soon learned it was just lip service. Be yourself - if a connection happens, it happens. If not, move on.

 

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