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Author Topic: Double Standard/Male attention

September 07, 2018, 07:34:39 PM
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Concerned Chap


Hi guys,

Just after some advice really. I am 32, and engaged to a lass who is 2 years younger. Been together 4 years, and have lived together 3 years. The wedding is scheduled for next March.

Great girl, and for the most part am very happy with her. We share many interests, go out often and go to gigs regular, as we have a similar music taste. When I met her, she was probably at almost rock bottom. Her father was ready to disown her. However, she has turned her life around. Cut out the friends that 'supplied' her worst behaviour. She has held down a job for almost the entire time we have been together, and her dad is very happy with her now (her mother passed away at a young age). My fiancee often calls me her rock, and says she couldn't have done it without me. For her part, she is always there for me too if I need her, and she does make me feel very wanted and needed. Sex life is good too.

So here is my concern/worry. She is very insecure about her looks. While I think she has nothing to worry about on that score, it seems an ex in the past really done a number on her. The result is that she really enjoys male attention. Times while we are out, she can be standing in the middle of a group of men, with them staring down her low cut top. Inappropriate touching can be happening at the same time too. Also at our local pub, there is a bloke in there that has openly tried to take her from me. Made several moves, and the only reason why he hasn't gotten anywhere isn't because of her, but because I have reacted and violence has nearly occurred a number of times.

Its not like we haven't talked about her behaviour. I feel it is very disrespectful. She thinks its more in the 'harmless flirting' park. Though I don't think wandering hands high on her bare thighs, or cupping of breasts is flirting at all. Though she swears nothing will ever happen with anyone else but me. And sees my unease with it as a bit of an overreaction.

Here is the thing though. If on the rare occasion I am talking to another girl, she comes marching over and drapes herself all over me. Kinda claiming me telling these lasses I am off limits. Then when we are alone, she will accuse me of wanting to sleep with these girls. My behaviour is respectful, I know where the line is. However, she says me talking to a girl is a sexual advance, while men groping her is just harmless flirting. She sees no contridiction in what she is saying.

I can add to this. I think she has a massive double standard on how we are to behave. Like there was this one time her and 2 other girls who drink in our regular pub posed 'topless' for a charity calender. The 3 of them in the month of May. The pics were taken in the pub beer garden (its very private). And they were tasteful (breasts covered). I wasn't there for it, having to work. But from what I hear, the pics took about 15 minutes to take. They did a few poses together. And a number of the male regulars watched the shoot. One taking pics on his phone. The other 2 lasses were single. And kept themselves covered as best as the could between shoots. My fiancee was the opposite. Walking around with breasts swinging free. Enjoying the whistles of approval and all the attention. It is also alleged she sat down with 3 of the male regulars in the garden after the shoot for a drink and remained topless. Though she does deny this, it wouldn't surprise me if she did. I was upset with it all, she couldn't understand why. 

A month later, one of the guys turns 30. His mate got him a stripper. She strips to her thong and gave him a lapdance. Lasted about 5 minutes. My fiancee hears about it and asked me if I left the pub as I am spoken for!!! We then get into an argument. Me claiming double standards, her saying I am being controlling with her, and at the same time wanting to sleep with other women. Including this stripper!!!

For the most part, things are excellent. Its just this behaviour with men on some nights out I have issues with. And her complete lack of awerness there is an issue also concerns me. I am getting to the stage where I feel I can't marry her.

Oh yeah, typical double standard behaviour. She has forbiden me to have a stripper on my stag. Fair enough. Though I have asked for the same, but just last week she told me her maid of honor has organised a night out at the male strippers. And yet again, doesn't see why I have a problem with it, and doesn't see the double standard.

I do have cause for concern right? Not anything I am missing?

September 08, 2018, 11:15:38 AM
Reply #1

goodevening


Hi guys,

Just after some advice really. I am 32, and engaged to a lass who is 2 years younger. Been together 4 years, and have lived together 3 years. The wedding is scheduled for next March.

Great girl, and for the most part am very happy with her. We share many interests, go out often and go to gigs regular, as we have a similar music taste. When I met her, she was probably at almost rock bottom. Her father was ready to disown her. However, she has turned her life around. Cut out the friends that 'supplied' her worst behaviour. She has held down a job for almost the entire time we have been together, and her dad is very happy with her now (her mother passed away at a young age). My fiancee often calls me her rock, and says she couldn't have done it without me. For her part, she is always there for me too if I need her, and she does make me feel very wanted and needed. Sex life is good too.

So here is my concern/worry. She is very insecure about her looks. While I think she has nothing to worry about on that score, it seems an ex in the past really done a number on her. The result is that she really enjoys male attention. Times while we are out, she can be standing in the middle of a group of men, with them staring down her low cut top. Inappropriate touching can be happening at the same time too. Also at our local pub, there is a bloke in there that has openly tried to take her from me. Made several moves, and the only reason why he hasn't gotten anywhere isn't because of her, but because I have reacted and violence has nearly occurred a number of times.

Its not like we haven't talked about her behaviour. I feel it is very disrespectful. She thinks its more in the 'harmless flirting' park. Though I don't think wandering hands high on her bare thighs, or cupping of breasts is flirting at all. Though she swears nothing will ever happen with anyone else but me. And sees my unease with it as a bit of an overreaction.

Here is the thing though. If on the rare occasion I am talking to another girl, she comes marching over and drapes herself all over me. Kinda claiming me telling these lasses I am off limits. Then when we are alone, she will accuse me of wanting to sleep with these girls. My behaviour is respectful, I know where the line is. However, she says me talking to a girl is a sexual advance, while men groping her is just harmless flirting. She sees no contridiction in what she is saying.

I can add to this. I think she has a massive double standard on how we are to behave. Like there was this one time her and 2 other girls who drink in our regular pub posed 'topless' for a charity calender. The 3 of them in the month of May. The pics were taken in the pub beer garden (its very private). And they were tasteful (breasts covered). I wasn't there for it, having to work. But from what I hear, the pics took about 15 minutes to take. They did a few poses together. And a number of the male regulars watched the shoot. One taking pics on his phone. The other 2 lasses were single. And kept themselves covered as best as the could between shoots. My fiancee was the opposite. Walking around with breasts swinging free. Enjoying the whistles of approval and all the attention. It is also alleged she sat down with 3 of the male regulars in the garden after the shoot for a drink and remained topless. Though she does deny this, it wouldn't surprise me if she did. I was upset with it all, she couldn't understand why. 

A month later, one of the guys turns 30. His mate got him a stripper. She strips to her thong and gave him a lapdance. Lasted about 5 minutes. My fiancee hears about it and asked me if I left the pub as I am spoken for!!! We then get into an argument. Me claiming double standards, her saying I am being controlling with her, and at the same time wanting to sleep with other women. Including this stripper!!!

For the most part, things are excellent. Its just this behaviour with men on some nights out I have issues with. And her complete lack of awerness there is an issue also concerns me. I am getting to the stage where I feel I can't marry her.

Oh yeah, typical double standard behaviour. She has forbiden me to have a stripper on my stag. Fair enough. Though I have asked for the same, but just last week she told me her maid of honor has organised a night out at the male strippers. And yet again, doesn't see why I have a problem with it, and doesn't see the double standard.

I do have cause for concern right? Not anything I am missing?

Sorry to hear that you're going through this @Concerned Chap and from an initial read, I wouldn't want to marry someone like that either.

But you need to ask yourself whether she is able to change, and if not, are you able to deal with this behaviour? For the rest of your life?

It sounds like she's playing a game and that because she's insecure, she attempts to try and make you insecure (I could be very wrong though).

I think everyone enjoys male/female attention because it makes them feel good about themselves, but it's the boundary that they set that's important.

She shouldn't ever let another man touch her, imagine if you weren't there! Do you think she would've gone along with it (not necessarily kissed them or cheated on you) and allowed this inappropriate behaviour?

You mentioned that your fiancee was walking around with breasts swinging free. If that happened to me and she knew that other men were taking pictures, I'd end the relationship on the spot.

I'd seriously think about this and have a good chat with her regarding your concerns before your married.

Also, just out of curiosuity, are you a wealthy individual? Or consider yourself to have a lot of money?

November 14, 2018, 05:40:05 AM
Reply #2

Pablo260


There is a limit to everything. There's only so much you should tolerate.

 

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