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Author Topic: Don't love the children and I think it may be time to let her go

March 21, 2019, 12:23:13 AM
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I'm a 34yr old male living with my 28yr old fiance and her two sons 10yr and 3yr, both from the same father.

Her and I have tried living together before. The first time was when the now oldest son was 4 years old. It was just us the three of us and we couldn't make it work, so we broke up, she returned with the biological father and had another boy with him. They broke up 1year after the second boy was born

I hadn't seen here for 5 yeats, and about 7 months ago she was in town and wanted to get some closure. So we met up. We kept talking and decided to have another go at the relationship. We figured we had both grown into more mature adults and could make it work. I was warned by her sister that this new boy of hers was the worst, her brother-in-law also warned me not to do it becuase he truly hated the new 3yr old. I ignored them and convinced her to quit her job and move in with me.

The moment she moved in, it was aparent that this child was going to be a lot of work. The 10yr old was fine becuase he just mostly retreated to his room and played games all day, This 3yr old though is a complete spoiled brat, throws tantrums and cries all day long.  Completlely disrespectful, doesn't listen, is way far behind and acts like a 1yr old. He can only make like 2 annoying sounds and just drives me up the wall! At first i tried my best to help discipline the kid, give him some boundaries, contain him and help her start getting some sort of control of him. It's been 6 months now living with him and he has just progressivly gotten worse. Everytime I think we're making some progress he takes 10 steps backwards. I got to the point that I told her I had to step down from being the authority and that she would now have to take the complete authoritve role because she was starting to resent the way i treated him. Once I stepped back, it just got harder for me to be around the kid. Just recently I've started retreating to my room and can hear him outside misbehaving and crying every five minutes. We just got itno a huge fight because i've been hiding in my room. I hate being a step parent, i really can't see my self doing this for the rest of my life.

I've tried to do nice things with them like walks in the park, trips to the meseum, but I have now lost all motivation to do anything with them as a family. The kids recently went to their dads for a week and the youngest returned with even more bad habits and more of a spoiled brat than he already was.

I mean my fiance has tried to implement much of what I tell her, and some of it seems to help, yet new issues arrise all the time and I see no end in sight with his behaviour.

I feel horrible now becuase I made her quit her job and move down, and now I don't want anything to do with this step parenting role. I'm thinking of just calling off the engagement and breaking off the relationship, becuase I would feel horrible to lead these kids into a marriage where I don't love them (and can't stand one of them), just becase I love this woman.

I feel selfish and some many other things, but I just can't see my future with these kids.

Do keep trying to make it work?

March 21, 2019, 11:53:54 PM
Reply #1


Hey man. Im in a similar position.  It may seem cold hearted, but if you want out, and you are not locked in, then get out.  In these kinds of situations, if you cant be there like you know you should be, then its time to move on.


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