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Author Topic: Don't know how to proceed...

August 15, 2019, 05:11:02 AM
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Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a situation right now and I think just talking about it here will help to alleviate some stress and confusion.

In January, a new woman started working at my job. When I first saw her, I thought she was easily one of the most gorgeous people I had ever seen and we hit it off nicely. I found out she had a boyfriend of 2 years, and handled it pretty well, since I wasn't too serious about pursuing any sort of relationship and didn't really think of her much tbh. We still remain good friends but in the last month or so, I have caught feelings for her hard. I don't know why this happened but it just has. The confusion and doubt of what to do or not to do, not only stems from this, but from a variety of other things, namely potential signs that she might be interested in me as well.

For background's sake, I should mention that her boyfriend is someone she might seriously marry. An important thing to bring up is that she is half-Pakistani and half-Indian while I am full Indian. Among those cultures, dating is a little more archaic (not as "modern") and such, and the families have both have sort of "approved" the marriage so to speak. Also, I and many others feel that girls from these cultures are more conservative, which is another reason I'm having trouble in what to do next. Because we have a close relationship, she is able to confide in me about many things. One of these things is about her "problems" (so to speak) with her boyfriend (who is full-Pakistani). She's said that he is too distant, and that he is not proactive enough when it comes to initiating things. She also said it is normal for them to go close to a whole month without seeing each other (he works at a consulting firm and travels A LOT). I have no idea if the marriage was arranged or not. Upon seeing both their social media accounts, they have no pictures together at all, outside of one pic that is saved in her gallery. Of course, when she talks about her bf, its not all bad. There was one time she dolled up and excitedly told me she was seeing him after work. She has also confided in me about personal things too, like how her ex had cheated on her numerous times, how she herself is a virgin, etc. I feel like another thing that is important to mention is that she is 27 while I am 25; I bring this up because from what we talk about, she is looking to marry, while I myself am not necessarily (though I have entertained the thought of it with her).

Our relationship is great. We tell each other about a lot of things going on in our lives (her telling me about her life mostly though), and we aren't afraid to touch each other in flirtatious ways (for instance if I brush her hair or face, or grab her hip, she has no problem with it. She consistently makes an effort to touch my hand as well, in anything). Our conversations can get borderline sexual too, but its hard to read if her intentions are that she wants more from me, or if she's just enjoying talking raunchy with me. She consistently contacts me via text or phone or SnapChat or FaceTime, mostly late at night and we just talk about whatever (from how our days were, to me jokingly/seriously?? teaching her how to masturbate). She tries a portion of my lunch pretty much daily, and sometimes has no problem using my fork or spoon to do so, which I don't mind at all (just today she took my cup of soda and drank it while looking me in the eye lol). She has said "I love you" to me numerous times with shy facial expressions (at least it sounded like hesitation of some sort). Also, there was a time she asked me for a ride to go see her in-laws, which I obliged; she doesn't really drink but she really wanted to drink with me, so we each got a drink (me a beer, her a ginger vodka). She wanted more drinks and I bought her some air bottles from a liquor store. Conversation in my car from there extended from complaining about other coworkers thirsting for her to (jokingly??) giving me head in my car to our parents. On the more serious side, when her brother had eye surgery and stuff, she confided in me and I helped her out. Other interesting things of note that I can remember, was her friend saying how her type was "tall, skinny and pale" (which is exactly what I am lol), catching her looking at my story on IG even though I don't follow her, coworkers saying we are cute together, etc. I think she knows that I am in love with her, but obviously, I don't know if she feels the same way.

In talking about it with 5 or 6 of my other friends, their opinions were to play the long game and see what happens with her boyfriend, and to not be too hasty in trying to do anything foolish. Its hard, but also I try not to read too much into things. Our conclusions were that she is unsure of what she wants, and that me acting sort of aloof might bring her around (seems to be working, as she called me stranger the other day in a joking manner). We thought part of it was her seeking attention and I think there is some truth to this. I don't wish to do anything unless her heart is in it, because she is a genuinely kind and caring person, and because of her past experience of being cheated on, would not know how she would feel if she kissed or slept with me while still technically being with her bf. Making her feel bad is not my only fear though, as of course, I don't wish to be friendzoned either.

How do I best proceed? I'm sure I've unintentionally left out information, so if there is anything else you would like to know, don't hesitate to ask. Thank you for all your help.

August 16, 2019, 06:33:03 AM
Reply #1


She's feeling you to the core. After reading your essay, I think you should make a move and tell her you genuinely like her. From what you stated, I can tell she's not feeling her boyfriend whatsoever and it definitely seems arranged. She probably doesn't want to let her parents down. But young man, this is America her parents will get over it if she ends up choosing you. Here are some reasons why she is feeling you, women don't typically call other men at night and talk about sexual stuff unless they are really feeling you. Touching in flirtatious ways is another sign she's feeling you. I say go for it, before she ends up marrying this dood she doesn't really like.
*Link Removed*

August 21, 2019, 04:50:07 AM
Reply #2


I wanna talk about 3 recent interactions that complicate this situation even more.

Last Thursday, we went out for food and drinks and hookah again with other coworkers. We got the day off early and we all insisted on just having a good time. She wanted to come with me in my car. We had a good time in my car, conversation was nice. At one point, she got a bit moody and I touched her hair and face as I usually do and calmed her. I got a bit forward a little later and told her that she was confused when the conversation shifted back to something I can't remember. She agreed and then said "Its crazy how certain people come into your life at the strangest times" and I think she clearly meant me, mainly because the conversation really seemed to be about her boyfriend (from what I remember). We hugged for a bit and made sure she was happy, and she had a good time the rest of the ride and at both places. She let me sniff really close to her too, said she tried on a new perfume.

That same weekend, we go out again with coworkers. On the advice of my friends, I went in here with low expectations and not expecting to happen. I should also hilariously note that I had a dream the night before where I confessed to her yet was kind of publicly shamed lmaoooo. Looking back on it, I think I was just making her uncomfortable in a public setting when confessing. Anyway, at dinner (in real life looool), she made the effort to sit next to me and wanted to take a pic with me. Like I said earlier, its kind of an unspoken code in that culture to not post pics together on social media...but here she is wanting to take a Snap with me. We take it with her leaning on my shoulder, and I dont know what she does with it. She either saves it in her Memories or deletes it or sends it to someone. I said her shirt looks nice because she thought I was looking at it, which I pretty sure I wasn't at the time. I complimented it anyway. When we get to the hookah bar, she told me that one of the coworkers annoyed her by calling her an airhead (I didn't think too much of it, just assumed the alcohol had got to her a bit). Complimented her shoes too. Later in the night, I vomit after taking a shot of Jameson (one she insisted she wanted to get with me) and nothing much happens after. Towards the end though, she calls her bf. We all dap him up and then leave.

Today, since she was out yesterday, first question she asks me is what I thought of her boyfriend. Since all I did was dap him up and leave, I was just honest and said I didn't really talk to him. Whats weird though is 20 min later she asks me the same thing again...I reply the same. I might be looking too much into it but I think she did that to elicit a reaction from me. I just left it alone and replied coolly. I make fun of me vomiting and we get a laugh out of it. Towards the end of the day, when I go on break, she and her friend follow me and then she starts to cry. She's just been overwhelmed with stuff outside of life, like her brother's surgery, her neighbor's 2 yr old drowning, etc. I try to cheer her up later and she appreciates it. But then she does something weird and brings up how one coworker told her he liked him. This particular coworker is one she was close with, like me, and she turned him down. She said that his reply was that "Its ok" but this was another worry added on to her mounting stress. I clearly took this as a sign to not say anything (as if the dream on Saturday wasn't enough loool) and continue to do what I do, just play cool and distant and wait. But I was also very disheartened, as now I'm not sure if I still have a shot.

I think with any other girl the signs are as clear as day, but like I said previously, my hesitation comes with her culture being an explanation for why she acts the way she does with her bf and whether she knows she is being flirty with me or not. Again, I must've forgotten some stuff in here but I appreciate any and all feedback


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