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Author Topic: Do I break up with my girlfriend or not?

December 28, 2019, 01:09:21 PM
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I’m 27 and my girlfriend is 26, we have been together for over 4 years. She has a child from her previous partner who is now 7 years old, and lives with us.

We get along great, share many hobbies and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I love the girl and she’s helped me through some extremely dark times (mental health) and through many of my personal issues and demons. She loves the bones off me and that feeling is amazing.

The only issue is.. Every time we have sex, she climaxes with no problem whereas I have only climaxed twice in the past 2 & half years. It pains me to say it but for some bizarre reason, I don’t really get turned on by her and I’m not sexually stimulated by her, despite the fact she is absolutely gorgeous, and many of my friends are highly complimentary and envious of me having such a stunning partner.

For some reason, I only seem to be turned on sexually by other women. I’m ashamed but I’ve cheated on my current girlfriend over a dozen times with over a dozen different women, because I’m turned on by the thrill of having sex with somebody I have no/little emotional attachment to.

I have sought therapy and my counsellor said because my only sexual experience has been through one night stands from the age of 17, before I met my partner, it’s a force of habit that I need to get out of. I’ve not cheated on her now for 4 & half months and my level of sexual frustration is extremely high now, because I can’t climax / don’t enjoy the sex at all with my girlfriend.

I’ve tried new positions, viagra, with and without condoms, lubricant, lights on/off, nothing has worked.

We’ve planned our house move, future wedding and much more together, and I honestly can’t imagine my future without her, but the sex situation is driving me mad and I can’t keep seeking one night stands to fulfil my sexual needs it’s not right and it’s making me depressed and I’m fed up of masturbating.

I have no problem climaxing or getting turned on when having one night stands

It feels like such a horrible reason to break up with someone who is essentially the closest person in my life because of literally one issue, but I’m exhausted trying to solve it and I don’t know what else I can do now.

December 29, 2019, 09:42:07 AM
Reply #1


Going to throw something out there, which initially may seem far into left field, but be open minded and give it some thought.

Have you tried a kink/fetish? For a great number of people, good sex is in the mind as well as the physical.

My opening post was/is regarding my sex life and the kink we have developed. And the guilt I feel associated with it.

If you truly love this woman, then you need to do your best to generate a fulfilling sex life for the both of you. If you are able to change the mental side of sex, you may achieve the physical pleasure you are seeking. Though it is greatly important that it is fulfilling for the both of you.

Some examples: My marriage has a very clear power exchange in my favour in regards to our sex life. That aspect is mentally very stimulating to the both of us. Then there is swinging, poly, open marriage, cuckquean. Lots of options out there. You don't have to remain in a 'vanilla' sex life if your not happy with it. And it sounds like you will struggle to be happy with that with anyone.

Communicate and explore the various options out there. I think there is nothing to lose at this point.

Good luck :)

December 29, 2019, 02:15:42 PM
Reply #2


Sophie, thank you.

It's not even something we've considered to be honest, I'll bring it up with her and discuss some things to try out that we would both be comfortable with. As you say, there's nothing to lose at this point I guess.

Any further advice/recommendations would be absolutely more than welcome.

Thanks again

January 07, 2020, 03:27:58 PM
Reply #3


All the men I've known who are bored with sex with the same woman have switched to some sort of swinging or fetishes with their partners.

Get her in a good, sexy mood, put a sexy movie on about swingers or something, bring up the topic somehow. But you need to talk to her about this before getting married. Maybe she has a fetish or wants to swing too?

February 02, 2020, 11:31:25 AM
Reply #4


First off you need to take responsibility for cheating and tell her. If she breaks up with you then that's what you deserve. I know a lot of people don't see cheating today as a big deal but it is. It's the most disrespectful and thoughtless thing you can do to your partner. Secondly not being as aroused as you used to be by a woman who you have been having sex with for a very long time is completely normal and isn't an excuse for cheating on them. I even see it as an advantage. You can stay hard forever and give them a really long and hard f*ck which is always fun. Anyway yeah, You should tell her you cheated and hopefully she breaks up with you.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2020, 11:33:46 AM by SomeGuy »

February 07, 2020, 09:37:17 AM
Reply #5


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