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Author Topic: Did I make the right move ending things with this person?

March 23, 2020, 01:23:57 PM
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direstraits1987


Sorry for long text
so I am a 32 Male, she is 26 years old, I met her through someone I knew a while back and she always had a crush on me, well when things ended in her relationship she reached out and came over and we had sex immediately, it turned into a hook up/ hang out thing all throughout the summer but never dates or anything, I made it clear and she heard me we could never date (I just never saw it happening). Anyways fast forward to a month or so ago I was dating around and came to a realization that I actually do want to date this person and that she is an awesome fit for me (we have almost identical interests/ always get a long). I asked her to come over to talk I told her I wanted to start dating and she was taken back, but she did say I moved on from you and started dating someone, I suggested lets try it, so we tried dating for a month and it was AWESOME we had a great time, last week she slept over and I told her I had dating apps I wanted to delete and wanted to be exclusive. she told me she needed more time (specifically saturday) this is when she was going to see this person and decide on things, I thought it was really weird, we had another sleep over during the week and after she had her friend go shopping with her, I texted her throughout the day but nothing all until the following morning, I texted her saying i’m going to the gym you must of had a hot date, she told me she didnt but something tells me she did since we always text constantly. I started thinking more and during the night I texted her saying Hey I had a lot of time to think and I really like you but I dont like this situation, I dont like waiting for a day to find out if you want to be with me or this other person. she didnt really fit for our relationship in the text, she told me if thats what I want then she understands, she told me I always will have a soft spot but maybe we should do this. I agreed and blocked her on social media and moved on, I am so confused why this person. Really liked me for all this time, and finally when I want to be in a relationship she didnt want to commit, I told her she can take as much time as she wants to figure out us being exclusive that wasnt what bothered me, what bothered me is she is seeing two different men (me and this other person) and I don’t like how she wasnt genuinely ready like I was, I also didnt like how she didnt fight for this when I sent the message saying I didnt like the situation and maybe we shouldnt pursue this, I wrote her off and a lot of friends agreed that I made the right move because if a person doesn’t have the same feelings as you then why pursue them, I do understand I came back into her life demanding a lot but still. I would LOVE to hear other peoples opinions, I dont know if she will reach out ever but I will never contact her unless she does, I feel like everything is in her court.

March 23, 2020, 03:26:44 PM
Reply #1
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LilyPouille


Hi direstraits1987!
What we know:
- she liked you before and now you love her
- you want to be in a relationship with her, but we don't really know about what she wants

I think you did the right move by talking to her about what you want from her and this relationship. Now you told your feelings, her turn (but will she though? she doesn't seem to actually want a relationship with you, but I think we need time to know because she is maybe trying to understand and choose what to do).
Maybe she's also playing with you, since she had a crush on you after a long time, she wants you to fight for her, I don't know. Or maybe she's also with the other guy and don't want to choose, or she already chose. We don't really know how she feels about the situation but you did (for me) what you have to do by respecting your feelings and being honest about it.
What I'm trying to say is that you only can do hypothesis about the situation, because we don't know her side of the story. Since you've told her what you felt, you can move on and just live your life.
Also, I think if someone has to choose someone between you and someone else, then it's not the right relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say is that nobody should be a choice over someone else.

Keep us posted

Lily
Live. Just live.

March 23, 2020, 08:23:24 PM
Reply #2
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direstraits1987


I dont know what she wants, when I asked her about exclusive she said I give her thing she likes (emotionally) and this other person does too, I think she likes having both guys, which I want nothing to do with, she didn't really fight for it when I sent the last couple of text's ending things, I told her about how I didn't like the situation and that I don't want till wait till saturday (thats when she told me she would let me know) she was seeing the other guy saturday, prior to this conversation we were spending 4 days a week together and such, weekends too.

March 24, 2020, 06:56:57 AM
Reply #3
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LilyPouille


From what you said, she already chose the other guy. I think she likes having you as ''a possible relationship''. You should not be treated this way. Go on other dates, meet people and take good care of you. It's true that you should not wait until saturday. Don't wait for her anymore. Maybe she wanted to hurt you the way you hurt her when you didn't reply to her feelings. I don't know, everything is possible.

Keep us posted

Lily
Live. Just live.

March 28, 2020, 03:21:51 PM
Reply #4
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Keiser


It sounds like you are being treated as an option, and not a priority. I think you made the right call based on what you had to work with.

April 02, 2020, 09:36:17 AM
Reply #5
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ItsOneCrazyWorld


You might feel regret that it ended that way, especially since you liked her. But i think you did the right thing. From what i understand, if she was really interested in you, the same way you were interested in her, she wouldn't be seeing this other guy. Spare yourself the pain, and move on. It's sometimes hard to accept, but the quicker you move on, the quicker you can get out there again and find someone who really appreciates you, someone who doesn't make you wait for her to get her sh*t together.
Good luck  ;D

 

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