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Author Topic: Complicated Slow Burner with Real Feelings -

February 23, 2020, 05:30:29 PM
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I could really do with some help and advice here and hope that someone will be able to give me some assurance about the next best course of action? The story between me and this girl started some years ago when she started as a receptionist at work. I liked her from the first moment I saw her but classified her as a friend due to the co-worker status as well as the fact that she was already in a relationship. She was also a bit younger than me which made me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, we became really good friends and at times we seemed quite close. I had my heard set on a different girl back then following a break-up with a long term ex and didn’t think of this particular girl as anything more than a friend. Although at one stage she appeared to really like me this became quashed when office workmates teased her and she run me down. She then had a baby with her boyfriend and left work... our once close friendship drifted away but one day I received a text saying that she wanted to come back to work. I organised it for her and she returned. This time around things were different and across two Saturday nights where she had clearly been drinking - she confessed her feelings for me. All of a sudden feelings I had suppressed and not even admitted to myself came out and we didn’t stop texting until when at work where we would chat. The problem later became that she had a child at this time with her boyfriend and didn’t want to leave him for me and cause her daughter distress. This had been done to her when her own parents broke up and I could relate to that. She told me that she loved me and it just became a waiting game. Then she accidentally became pregnant again and in distress I knew I could have no involvement in whatever decision she took. I had to stop texting and eventually she made the choice to have a termination. Some months after this I made the horrible mistake of giving an ultimatum as I had become scared that I could lose her long term and for good. It backfired and the loss in confidence took it’s toll on me. She still loved me and still loved her but I had hurt her by cutting myself off from this ultimatum and I couldn’t find a way to get it back. After a jealous friend caused even more problems between us both I made the decision to leave work and to try and move on. Fast forward 3 years. Weirdly in this time and despite trying to cut myself off as best I could - she kept turning up in my life. The only time I entered the supermarket near to where she lived in that 3 year period - well she was walking in as I was walking out. Her car passing me... and weirdest of all. Her being on the corner of my road as I drove round it. This is weird because I had moved in that 3 year period and she wouldn’t have known I had moved to that particular area. In the end seeing her again was too much as I have never been able to successfully get over her and I texted her. She texted back and we had an exchange. I then spent the next few months thinking about everything and decided to tell her how I felt on Valentine’s Day. Knowing how her mind works I knew a short and simply sweet text was best and I sent it late morning receiving back a message saying ‘why are you saying this now?’ In the afternoon. The reason for that was that she had broken up with her boyfriend a week ago and had just moved in with her mum. Her mum was doing her head in and I offered her a place at mine which has ample space for her and her daughter. She liked the kind offer and we had a brief catch-up on text over the weekend following valentines. Then last Thursday she texted me about how bad all these dating sites were and I laughed on the text back and said that I had told her so. I sent a quick follow-up text saying that ‘maybe she should date me’ but I didn’t get a reply. I remember how there were periods where she would play games... I realise now that it was too soon and that I shouldn’t have texted anything and just let things carry on without any pressure questions at this time. I am sure that she holds feelings for me still and that if I can text her with no awkwardness as before - we will move forward in the right direction. I’m now not sure what to do... do I text her after not hearing anything back or do I wait to hear back from her?? Is she dating other men because I know she has this problem with ever being single. I just need some direction on what to do next and how to proceed? I know she loved me because of who I am - she told me that years ago. It’s my personality so it’s a case of getting a regular texting / calling thing going for now. The timing of her walking around the corner of my road (5 - 10 second period) at the same time I drove round it plays on my mind. It’s like this girl is meant to be in my life and despite not being able to make this happen yet - I don’t want to give up and feel that I shouldn’t have tried to give up before. Any help or advice would be appreciated on what my next best move is and I’m sorry for the long winded story.

February 24, 2020, 11:14:11 AM
Reply #1


Honestly, there is way too much baggage and history here to make it worth pursuing.  Move on with your life.. You will find love in the end. 


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