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Author Topic: Complex situation

May 11, 2019, 10:58:13 PM
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For context, I'm 17 in 4 days, male, in high school, and I've never been in a relationship before or had that many close female friends. It hasn't been because I've never had any interest or no one else has had any interest, I've had so much going on personally I've spent all my energy on I didn't even consider the possibility of having room for a relationship.

But about a month ago now I really quickly just developed a close emotional bond to a girl in my class who moved here this year and while I had talked to her before that, we had really just shared some of the same friends. When we were hanging out with some of our friends one Sunday I think we developed a kind of mutual understanding neither of us have had before and since then we haven't gone a day without talking.

At first I definitely never had any romantic interest and I just knew it would be a valuable friendship for both of us, especially because she had a boyfriend at the time that long predated our friendship, and I just saw her as a go to person that I've never really had in anyone else before. About a week and half ago she was telling me about problems she was having in her current relationship and a few days ago she broke it off with him. I think part of this is both because she felt more comfortable doing it because I've become a go to for her as well, but also because she's interested in another guy she met that she really likes. The point for me is when she first started telling me about this guy, I felt like it knocked the wind out of me. Maybe it's just because this is a new kind of emotional intimacy for me and I'm insecure about that being upended by some one else, but I think I started to realize at that point, I'm actually just in love with her.

I decided to never say anything pretty quickly, and my initial instinct was to assume she didn't feel exactly the same way, but sometimes I question that thought.

A few weeks ago now like about a week after we started talking, she started telling me about this dream she had, which she refused to finish, but she started talking about how she was beginning to think I was the ideal man and that even though she didn't know if it would end up being her or not, whoever I ended up with one day would be very lucky. I didn't think anything of it at the time but looking back, maybe I should have.

The more time goes on she starts telling me about things, like that she was talking to her friends about me and things like that, but then holds back when I ask what about, and I'm not sure how to interpret that either.

About a week ago now we were talking over snapchat and she sent me these sentences that were basically set up like ****g*****e with stars through most of the letters and even though I haven't said anything, I think I solved them pretty quickly. She said at the time they were intended for the future but then this last Monday, she sent me another one, which was * ***** ** *****n* ** **** **** *** ** ***** which, probably because I know the feeling well now, says I think I'm falling in love with you I'm sorry. Maybe it's just because I'm not sure if I myself want us to become anything different than we are but especially because I know she's interested in another guy I don't know what to really make of any of this. Maybe it's because she has no idea how I actually feel about all of this, because I know she has no idea that I'm in love with her even if in the past few days especially she's been trying to gauge that more.

May 12, 2019, 03:01:20 PM
Reply #1


Maybe I'm reading a little bit too much romance novel into your depiction of this girl, but unless she has told you about the identity of this other guy she's supposedly interested in - maybe she's trying to give you a hint that it's you that she's into?

I do think you should tell her how you feel, though. It'll take a bit of gathering up the nerve and some courage to do it, but if she feels the same way (which you seem to think that she does) that'll be so much easier on the both of you. And even if she should not be falling in love with you, it's a good thing to be honest about.

Best of luck!

May 12, 2019, 04:56:10 PM
Reply #2


No he's a very real person. I think she definitely assumes that I don't have any feelings for her like I'm saying I do here and that probably changes things a lot. But I'm also not sure how to reconcile that she said, even though she doesn't know I know, that she's falling in love with me with the fact that she's pursuing a relationship with some one else. I've told her a lot about how I've never had room for a relationship before, and I never felt her trying to gauge my interest before at least until recently.


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