Lets Chat Love
Register An AccountLogin

Author Topic: Can I get her back when neither of us was the direct cause of the break up?

December 26, 2018, 08:53:55 PM
Read 254 times
Offline

KevinM


Hello everyone,

My name is Kevin and I am new to this forum. And I am really thankful that I found it. I've recently experienced a breakup with a woman who I absolutely love and adore. We were together just 3 months but it was 3 of the greatest months of my life. She is 45 and I am 51 years young. But our situation is unique. We didn't break up because of something bad that either of us did to each other, but mostly because her ex-husband (of 18 years)  went crazy over us being together and because her kids (11 yr old daughter & 16 yr old son) expressed to her that they weren’t ready for their mom to date (partially influenced by their father). She had been divorced for 6 months when we started dating but her ex-husband did not move out of the home until the same month we met. I didn't know this immediately but fell head over heels for her and did not want to stop seeing her.

She broke up with me on December 12, 2018, last saw each other yesterday (Christmas Day and we had kissed), and we last spoke today (which is when she said it just needs to be over now). She says she feels pressured and says she can no longer give me what I need and at the same time, give her kids what they're asking of her. She says we moved too quickly and realizes now that she probably wasn't truly ready to be in a relationship when we met because of her kids and recent divorce. She says its affecting her kids, her work and herself. She is the most caring woman I've ever met and is one to do everything to please everyone except herself. She told me that she is willing to sacrifice her own happiness for the happiness of her kids and I sincerely believe that's what she is doing. She has been everything to them their entire lives and their father wasn't.  I told her that I would patiently wait for her to sort things out in her life but she just won't allow it, saying that she can't take on anymore guilt of making me hurt. She wants me to move on with my life now and feels that contact of any kind will prevent either of us from accomplishing this. She asked me to please respect her decision.

What makes this so hard to accept is that we were always deeply passionate and caring towards each other and never had bitter words to say except about how her ex was treating us, (which did get ugly a few times and we had to sneak around a lot to be together). On December 11, 2018 we spent the night together and were passionate and loving towards each other as always, and the very next day, because of a trigger in her mind, just like that it was over and nothing was ever the same between us. If only I could have that day back!

I'm very much in love with this woman and have been feeling deeply distraught and depressed since our breakup. I've never met anyone who I've felt so connected with in every way. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I don't want to lose her nor push her further away. With all being said, do I respect her wishes and not contact her? Is there any chance she will ever come to realize how perfect we were for each other and give us another chance at a slower pace? Or is all lost because of the circumstances we were confronted with? I look forward to all your replies and will be happy to provide additional details if requested. I just want her back...Thank you all so much!
Falling in love is easy...falling out of love when you don't want to is near impossible!

December 26, 2018, 11:27:43 PM
Reply #1
Offline

rey


    You are in a very challenging situation. If that is really love, then let her go. Let the time pass and after all if it is over that attachment will surely come.
    Don't hold her too tight in your feelings though it's really hard to do. You can go to a certain place in which you can talk or shout out loud to nature that you love her so much, just to ease the burden you have.
    Love recognizes faults,while infatuation ignores them.
    You freely admit areas of her personality that fall short of perfection, but you see so much to respect and admire that you accept a person on the basis of the good qualities,
    If your love have been genuine, you will have been uniting your life more and more with your loved one. You need to gets off the feeling level and puts the principle of love to work in everyday life. And lastly, try to look at the problem squarely. and entrust it to God.

    I  hope that my simple advice will greatly help you.

December 27, 2018, 01:28:02 AM
Reply #2
Offline

philipdavid016


Hello everyone,

My name is Kevin and I am new to this forum. And I am really thankful that I found it. I've recently experienced a breakup with a woman who I absolutely love and adore. We were together just 3 months but it was 3 of the greatest months of my life. She is 45 and I am 51 years young. But our situation is unique. We didn't break up because of something bad that either of us did to each other, but mostly because her ex-husband (of 18 years)  went crazy over us being together and because her kids (11 yr old daughter & 16 yr old son) expressed to her that they weren’t ready for their mom to date (partially influenced by their father). She had been divorced for 6 months when we started dating but her ex-husband did not move out of the home until the same month we met. I didn't know this immediately but fell head over heels for her and did not want to stop seeing her.

She broke up with me on December 12, 2018, last saw each other yesterday (Christmas Day and we had kissed), and we last spoke today (which is when she said it just needs to be over now). She says she feels pressured and says she can no longer give me what I need and at the same time, give her kids what they're asking of her. She says we moved too quickly and realizes now that she probably wasn't truly ready to be in a relationship when we met because of her kids and recent divorce. She says its affecting her kids, her work and herself. She is the most caring woman I've ever met and is one to do everything to please everyone except herself. She told me that she is willing to sacrifice her own happiness for the happiness of her kids and I sincerely believe that's what she is doing. She has been everything to them their entire lives and their father wasn't.  I told her that I would patiently wait for her to sort things out in her life but she just won't allow it, saying that she can't take on anymore guilt of making me hurt. She wants me to move on with my life now and feels that contact of any kind will prevent either of us from accomplishing this. She asked me to please respect her decision.

What makes this so hard to accept is that we were always deeply passionate and caring towards each other and never had bitter words to say except about how her ex was treating us, (which did get ugly a few times and we had to sneak around a lot to be together). On December 11, 2018 we spent the night together and were passionate and loving towards each other as always, and the very next day, because of a trigger in her mind, just like that it was over and nothing was ever the same between us. If only I could have that day back!

I'm very much in love with this woman and have been feeling deeply distraught and depressed since our breakup. I've never met anyone who I've felt so connected with in every way. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I don't want to lose her nor push her further away. With all being said, do I respect her wishes and not contact her? Is there any chance she will ever come to realize how perfect we were for each other and give us another chance at a slower pace? Or is all lost because of the circumstances we were confronted with? I look forward to all your replies and will be happy to provide additional details if requested. I just want her back...Thank you all so much!
I think you need to respect her decision as of the moment. Just give her ample of time to sort things out. If you are really for each other I believe love and time will find you back at each others arms.

December 27, 2018, 02:51:55 PM
Reply #3
Offline

KevinM


Thank you for the replies. I reluctantly agree that letting her go for now is my only option. I just haven't felt this kind of spark with a woman in a very long time and so it makes it very hard to do. But my conscience tells me its the right thing to do. Love is tough!
Falling in love is easy...falling out of love when you don't want to is near impossible!

December 27, 2018, 08:32:22 PM
Reply #4
Offline

JPK0007


After reading your post i am feeling very sorry for the situation that you are in right now. When you love someone very intensely from your heart , then it can be very difficult to let go.Sometimes we meet people who are very special and who unknowingly become a part of our life.I think that she has made her choice and told you about her prorities in life. You should respect her choice and maintain distance from her for the time being. I am sure if she loves you from the heart, then eventually she may come back to you.However, it will be better for you to move on in your life. Some things are better left on our Destiny. I wish you all the strentgh and luck.

 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
2 Replies
328 Views
Last post August 15, 2018, 09:34:12 AM
by Corzhens
6 Replies
459 Views
Last post August 10, 2018, 08:39:38 AM
by ashmatt
2 Replies
318 Views
Last post August 11, 2018, 02:29:56 PM
by NesMarcos
2 Replies
297 Views
Last post August 08, 2018, 09:31:47 AM
by Rita101
5 Replies
392 Views
Last post April 10, 2019, 06:16:38 PM
by LoveIsConfusing
3 Replies
350 Views
Last post December 10, 2018, 03:51:28 PM
by zasoma
4 Replies
323 Views
Last post December 21, 2018, 12:05:58 PM
by faithuy56
3 Replies
235 Views
Last post January 08, 2019, 05:49:48 PM
by Staff
1 Replies
132 Views
Last post February 02, 2019, 02:18:24 AM
by Broken4now
2 Replies
167 Views
Last post April 03, 2019, 01:40:25 PM
by Lily Etoilé
1 Replies
232 Views
Last post March 12, 2019, 04:52:28 PM
by libra_moon
0 Replies
87 Views
Last post February 25, 2019, 06:21:01 AM
by Broken4now