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Author Topic: Being completly blue while trying to get into a relationship

October 28, 2019, 02:31:21 AM
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JustWandering


I'm 19yo college student who never had an actual girlfriend (primary stuff doesn't count, just child's play really) and I would like to try to make friends then girlfriend out of girl I know.

We are friends already, kind of, let's go from beginning, we met as a group of 6 in our college class, but then she changed courses so we were left as 5 but she still comes around once a week to hang out with us, apart from that we have one group chat for all 6 of us and I recently asked her about Halloween makeup stuff (she enjoys to make fake makeup props like wounds and stuff). Problem is that's all we talked about really, we talked while having the once a week group meetings but that was just friendly chatter among all of us, nothing to stand out from me or her. I don't want to rush things but i don't want to miss a chance either, i don't know what to talk about to her or how to become closer without scaring her off or giving her impression that i like her this way.

Any tips, thoughts? I thought about inviting everyone to ice skating session when ice ring opens, so it's not direct (a date essentially) and it's just group of friends hanging out, with plan that i could talk to her more then. Also idk what to really talk about, our common interest is art, as that's the course we started together on. Im a bit tired of being single and want to try something new in life, i know that patience favour those in such situations but i also want to learn and improve my social skills so when the actual time comes (with this girl or some other) i will be prepared. btw. we all are not that close yet as we just all knew each other for about 1.5 month so idk if they even will want to come out for ice skating.

October 29, 2019, 11:23:36 PM
Reply #1
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JustWandering


Bump, I know the questions and whole topic is quite vague but still need help :c

October 30, 2019, 10:05:17 AM
Reply #2
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Kalin B.


Hey brother, here to give you my advice on the question you are asking :D

First of all I will say I know EXACTLY where you are coming from, because I also had my first relationship pretty late in my teens and it was a similar situation as yours, only my mindset was even worse. Basically, I liked a girl from my social circle and like you and this girl, we talked about casual things but I was also too scared to let her know I liked her in this way. Finally, I wrote her a poem because I was too scared to let her know directly, and because we were young it SOMEHOW worked and we got together. However, THIS IS NOT the way to do it, because regardless of it working or not, it won't serve you in the long-run. I will tell you why.

I know you like this girl and you want to make her your girlfriend, as a man I understand. And because you have this "dream" in your head, you don't want to let her know directly that you like here because that may scare her off, and you may lose her forever, thus your "dream" will be crushed. And here's the thing, you HAVE TO let her know, you HAVE TO progress the interaction in some way, this is what we do AS MEN when it comes to women. Here is what I mean by this, and how it will serve you beyond this girl and make you attractive to all women.

1. Women are not attracted to a guy that is afraid to lose them!

You know that guy that all women are somehow attracted to, he is not particularly handsome, or tall, or rich or whatever... But there is something about him that makes him irresistible to women. It is the fact that he is prepared to lose a girl forever, this vibrates from his being and is felt by all women - just ask them :D This means that if you like this girl you can invite her to a date, or you can separate her for a drink or a Starbucks while you are doing something as a group. It's important that you are DIRECT, PLAYFUL but NOT NEEDY. Whatever you do or say to her, remember that you are prepared to lose her, for it is YOUR DUTY to initiate things, and it is HER CHOICE to accept or not. This is the way of men and women.

She might not be interested! But be damn sure she will RESPECT YOU. Otherwise you will be friend-zoned and looked as a guy that isn't okay with expressing his sexuality.

To conclude: Be completely okay with expressing your interest in a girl (have no shame, or be scared she will leave), however be playful and lighthearted when you do it. In most cases the girl will respond positively, and when she doesn't you will have her respect and a GOOD chance you may do something with her in the future. She will know you are a MAN and not a BOy, and you will feel this too.

2. The "We-Frame"

When you are trying to get closer and get to know her better, understand that you are not trying to impress her, or win her over or trying to take something from her. Ask her about things that GENUINLY interest you about her, listen to her and express your HONEST opinion. The concept of the "we-frame" is here to help you understand that you are in this together, and not you trying to prove you are worthy of her with your fun and opinions about different subjects. While you are talking always remember point number 1.

There it is my brother,

- Never be afraid to lose the girl you are talking to or are interested in, have this in mind and it will relax you completely, and it will be felt in the interaction.

- Be unapologetic about the things you feel and the things you are interested in, express them freely.

- Remember that you are in it together, you are both together to primarly have fun. Do not look at it as a job to make her smile, have fun with her YOURSELF and she will have fun too.

Women like a man who is okay with who he is, and is unapologetic about expressing that to the world, no matter if people like him or not.

Be this kind of a man, and you will have women going crazy for you.

Coming from a dude that has struggled with this :D

Salute,
Kalin

October 30, 2019, 01:36:16 PM
Reply #3
Offline

JustWandering


Hey brother, here to give you my advice on the question you are asking :D

First of all I will say I know EXACTLY where you are coming from, because I also had my first relationship pretty late in my teens and it was a similar situation as yours, only my mindset was even worse. Basically, I liked a girl from my social circle and like you and this girl, we talked about casual things but I was also too scared to let her know I liked her in this way. Finally, I wrote her a poem because I was too scared to let her know directly, and because we were young it SOMEHOW worked and we got together. However, THIS IS NOT the way to do it, because regardless of it working or not, it won't serve you in the long-run. I will tell you why.

I know you like this girl and you want to make her your girlfriend, as a man I understand. And because you have this "dream" in your head, you don't want to let her know directly that you like here because that may scare her off, and you may lose her forever, thus your "dream" will be crushed. And here's the thing, you HAVE TO let her know, you HAVE TO progress the interaction in some way, this is what we do AS MEN when it comes to women. Here is what I mean by this, and how it will serve you beyond this girl and make you attractive to all women.

1. Women are not attracted to a guy that is afraid to lose them!

You know that guy that all women are somehow attracted to, he is not particularly handsome, or tall, or rich or whatever... But there is something about him that makes him irresistible to women. It is the fact that he is prepared to lose a girl forever, this vibrates from his being and is felt by all women - just ask them :D This means that if you like this girl you can invite her to a date, or you can separate her for a drink or a Starbucks while you are doing something as a group. It's important that you are DIRECT, PLAYFUL but NOT NEEDY. Whatever you do or say to her, remember that you are prepared to lose her, for it is YOUR DUTY to initiate things, and it is HER CHOICE to accept or not. This is the way of men and women.

She might not be interested! But be damn sure she will RESPECT YOU. Otherwise you will be friend-zoned and looked as a guy that isn't okay with expressing his sexuality.

To conclude: Be completely okay with expressing your interest in a girl (have no shame, or be scared she will leave), however be playful and lighthearted when you do it. In most cases the girl will respond positively, and when she doesn't you will have her respect and a GOOD chance you may do something with her in the future. She will know you are a MAN and not a BOy, and you will feel this too.

2. The "We-Frame"

When you are trying to get closer and get to know her better, understand that you are not trying to impress her, or win her over or trying to take something from her. Ask her about things that GENUINLY interest you about her, listen to her and express your HONEST opinion. The concept of the "we-frame" is here to help you understand that you are in this together, and not you trying to prove you are worthy of her with your fun and opinions about different subjects. While you are talking always remember point number 1.

There it is my brother,

- Never be afraid to lose the girl you are talking to or are interested in, have this in mind and it will relax you completely, and it will be felt in the interaction.

- Be unapologetic about the things you feel and the things you are interested in, express them freely.

- Remember that you are in it together, you are both together to primarly have fun. Do not look at it as a job to make her smile, have fun with her YOURSELF and she will have fun too.

Women like a man who is okay with who he is, and is unapologetic about expressing that to the world, no matter if people like him or not.

Be this kind of a man, and you will have women going crazy for you.

Coming from a dude that has struggled with this :D

Salute,
Kalin

Thank you so much brother, I will try my best to remember those points and use them next time I have a chance, so last thing, do you think it is good idea to try and organize the ice skating session for the whole group and try to talk to her on the side a bit or just invite her on a date to the ice skating basically (ice skating is just example but i think everyone would enjoy that and it's only available at winter time here)

October 31, 2019, 12:30:22 PM
Reply #4
Offline

Kalin B.


Hi again :D

Well my man, you already have a pretty cool interaction with her, in which case it's perfect to message her and invite her out on a date. BUT from what you wrote in your first question, you kinda know each-other as a part of a group, you know her like you know everyone else in the group, you didn't have any "deeper" conversations between you two. So here is what to do.

1. If you feel like what I described above than invite everyone to an ice-skating get-together, it doesn't matter that you don't know each-other that well, you are organizing fun times for a group and that is a very masculine thing to do. HOWEVER (and this is where it gets tricky):

DO NOT DO IT JUST TO GET THE GIRL CLOSE TO YOU SO THAT YOU CAN TALK TO HER!

I had to put this in caps because it is crucial. She will feel it if you do this and it is very unattractive. You need to organize the day so that YOU and EVERYONE ELSE has FUN - that should be the primary reason. Even if you don't get to talk to her, even if she decides she can't come, it doesn't matter... Always be prepared to lose her.. remember! :D So, when you organize this event remember the bullet points I posted in the previous response, put them in your head and act on them whatever you do in organizing and actually behaving when you're there. If you do get to talk to her there, do it like we discussed previously, authentically, playfully, and free of outcome.

It's not what you do, it's who you are!

2. If you feel that you already have made a certain deeper connection, than by all means message her and ask her out. The same bullet points apply here, only that you are texting.

ex. "Hey Suzan(lol), it's d-day :D I am officially inviting you to beer and ice-skating, conversation topics will include "Van Gogh's secret ice-skating obsession and Rembrant's lack of house lights :D "

Not exactly that, but something like that :D Direct, including things you have in common, playful and non-needy.

That's what I would do lil bro. Just remember, do not be "Completely blue and trying to get into a relationship", but rather "Abundant and only looking to share good times, accepting to experiences with women and if a relationship comes cool, if not cool nevertheless."

You got this :D

By the way, this month I am building a closed Facebook group where us guys will support each-other in becoming a Natural with women. The type of guy women are naturally attracted to. It's completely free and it is going to be sort of a brotherhood where I will share my advice. If you want in just send me a PM on this forum.

Salute,
Kalin

 

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