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Author Topic: Another crush at work story

March 11, 2020, 08:06:14 AM
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Hi Everyone,

Ive asked parts of this question but I would like some more feedback on what you would do, and @LilyPouille this is my story.

I've separated from my wife of ten years which I am happy about and am currently going through the separation/ divorce process. Things happened between us that were quite destructive to our relationship, mainly the result of our builder going bankrupt while going through our build. As a result she became emotionally and physically abusive and I no longer trust her. To me while I miss my ex wife, that relationship is dead to me and won’t be recovered as I simply want kids and will not trust her around them going forward.

As I was going through the above I felt quite depressed about my situation. During this time I met a work colleague who I started spending more and more time with. Eventually I opened up and discussed some of the issues I was having and I became attracted to her, she made me feel valued and respected and happy. She and I spent a fair amount of time together - and she is engaged.

Every day we would go for 1-2 coffees, and have the occasional lunch date. We traded texts all the time. We spoke on the drive home. We discussed topics like how many children we wanted, their names etc. a lot of the goals we had I felt were aligned and I felt a connection. We share a lot of interests and are both highly competitive. This progressed and we started kissing each other. It went further than this and we were intimate twice. She has told me that she thinks I'm great and that there might be something there, but the timing isn’t right as she has a fiancé. If the situation were different it may have worked. This happened AFTER I separated and I have always been respectful on the boundaries of any relationship good or not.

My ex wife at the time came to my work place and confronted us, causing an incident at work. After this my colleague asked if we could just be friends. She said she is confused, but she thinks I'm great but she is getting married. I responded by saying that I really like spending time with her, I like her, and it would not be my preference to stop. I asked her to think about her situation, and what she wants from it as she must have started this for a reason.

Over the New Years we were both on holidays and she with her fiancé and the texts continued. I told her On a couple of occasions I thought we would be good, maybe even great together, and I want more. I asked her to leave her fiancé. She said no. Unfortunately I have asked her this when I have been drunk, but the answer was always no from her - she gets married in August.

Up to the end of Feb, we exchanged on most days between 50-100 texts, occasional pictures and the occasional light flirting. I've pressed on her a few times that there are still feelings on my side. We still catch up every day for coffee, we would catch up on weekends occasionally when her fiancé was working, for brunch or lunch. I respected her decision, and whilst I found it hard, I didn't attempt to kiss her or move it any further forward than that other than asking her to leave her fiance. 

As I found the situation difficult thinking of her and working with her, I broke contact with her for a few days in late Feb, no texts, etc. I tried to reflect on what I want and help me clear my head. After 4 days of no contact, she wanted to see me and it got physical again etc but without the level of pursuit she had before. She told me several times she finds me attractive, I make her laugh, I’m gentle, etc, but doesn’t see it romantically. We are still going for coffee daily, text from about 5am onwards and all day.

I would say we are excellent friends, and I would like more of a relationship with her as it feels natural and easy how a relationship should be. There is good banter and interaction and the chemistry between us is undeniable. She is everything I want in a woman, and enough time has passed to know its well past the infatuation stage for me. Unfortunately for me the fiancé is still in the picture and whilst she says she isn’t romantically wanting me, the body language, the physical interactions and how she talks to me tells me something very differently.

Further complicating the matter is the ex-wife. Whilst I have moved on, unfortunately due to the amount of personal leverage I have, I have had to recently move back into my house until my other property is sold as renting an air bnb for the past 6 months has not been cheap on my hip pocket. Luckily, I should be able to move out within the next 2 weeks.

I’ve been on a few dates and realise that I’m relatively in demand (6’4”, kind, high income earner, athletic and attentive by most standards), however nothing has really found the same level of interaction or attraction, and I am not sure it will.

What would you do? Just move on and cut my losses? Back off again, and try that strategy? Continue to pursue her? Any insight to her behaviour? Help!

March 15, 2020, 01:18:30 PM
Reply #1


Hi Tony!

I'm glad that you shared your story (and I'm sorry I didn't answer faster). From the way I see it, you should move on. She already chose the guy, her fiancé and I'm really sorry for you because I think nobody should be in a situation where you have to be chosen to be in a relationship.
I think you deserve better that being a second choice.

Live. Just live.

May 31, 2020, 06:29:56 PM
Reply #2


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June 01, 2020, 07:01:58 AM
Reply #3


Hey Tony,I would recommend you a Great Book with a video here on this link  https://www.digistore24.com/redir/302188/Glowys/ . Really great advices on relationships and how and what men desires most.
Hope it benefits you, stay strong and hope for the best :)


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