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Author Topic: Am I reading too much into this?

February 21, 2020, 02:46:55 PM
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Hey everyone,

I'm in a bit of a pickle (like a lot of people here, I guess). But I'm hoping that someone can shed some light on my situation:

Over the last few years I have occasionally bumped into this woman at work. There was instantly, what I felt anyway, a spark between us and she said a few things that were quite flirty. She also offered a barely disguised query as to whether or not I was married (I have a girlfriend). When she found out I was attached the flirting stopped but we would still wave to each other in passing and have the occasional quick (1 minute or so) chat abut nothing too special. Recently the fire sort of sparked up again, and I'm not sure why. I did her a favor one day a few months back and when she thanked me she also asked for a hug (which I was happy to give). A week or so later she also gave me a small present to say thank you for the favor, and again we shared a hug. Innocent enough, I felt, but I did wonder.

Since then she has blown a kiss or two as we have passed each other from afar, and she also said a couple of things that made me think there's something more to it than just innocent comments. One of these was when I was having a busy day at work and we bumped into each other at lunchtime. She said, "Hello dear, how are you today?" and I jokingly said, "Busy. Don't suppose you fancy taking over and I'll put my feet up for the rest of the day?" She joked back asking how much I was paying and when I said "I would pay well, of course!" she replied, "Maybe you could pay in kind..." and then a smile as we parted ways. Next day as I was talking to a co-worker she blew me a kiss, which the co-worker saw and subsequently asked, "Who's she?" I bumped into this girl outside work the next evening and I told her that the other worker had asked me who she was. Her reply: "You should have just said to him 'She's my little secret." I haven't spoken to her since then but we have passed each other a couple of times and have done the usual smiles and waves.

It seems like this girl (who I have to say I really like a lot) is interested in taking it somewhere between us but maybe she's just being really friendly/jokey. What does everyone here make of the situation? I've considered asking her what the score is - even telling her that I really like her a lot and would love to hang out sometime but that I still have a girlfriend so that would mean 100% friend zone. But I wouldn't want to go down that road to find that she would be like, "Ermm, are you for real? I was just being nice," or whatever.

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks :)

February 22, 2020, 08:42:42 PM
Reply #1


Hi, sounds to me like she is interested in taking it further. Not so much the "payment in kind" thing, which could have meant you pick up some of her work (or not, depending on what other cues she gave as she said it!) but the blowing of the kiss together with the "my little secret" response gets it over the line I think. Make sure you do the right thing by your current girlfriend though - you'll have to be guided by your own moral compass on what that means.

February 24, 2020, 01:08:58 PM
Reply #2


Thanks for the reply. What you're saying is sort of what I was thinking as well. The "in kind" thing was said with a cheeky grin (the best way I can describe it). We don't work in the same place or anything - she lives near where I work, which is why we see each other so often. I'll just let it take its course and say nothing, though, as it's probably better to *not* put the cat among the pigeons, as they say.

I would really love to hang out with her, though, as I do really like her, but a new friendship with someone of the opposite sex is probably something that's a big no-no as far as my girlfriend is concerned, especially since I've told her about the waving and the blowing of kisses (but not the hugs and other comments). That sucks, really, because I've made new male friends in recent years and we hang out and do stuff, and that's not an issue, of course.  I have actually considered asking this girl if she fancied doing something sometime but have been worried that (a) it would seriously piss my girlfriend off if I was to say, "Oh, that woman from work... are you okay if we do such and such next week?" and (b) if there was actually something more to these interactions than just being friendly it could get awkward or worse. I dunno...

I do acknowledge that if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn't be happy about my other half hanging out with some guy she met at work, though, especially if he was showing the same sort of interest that this woman seems to be with me.

Ah, life.....  :-\

March 01, 2020, 01:27:10 PM
Reply #3


It sounds to me like this work friend is really interested in you, so it all depends on how you feel about her and how you feel about your girlfriend.  Are you ready to give it all up for this new girl?   If you don't have feelings like that for the work girl, then by all means go out for a social with her, but invite your girlfriend too.  If you want to be alone with the work friend... Maybe there's your answer. 

March 02, 2020, 12:19:32 PM
Reply #4


Thanks for the reply and for your insight.

I'm not sure where my head is at right now. I know that if I was single I would have asked this girl out a long time ago and the thought of, "If only..." has crossed my mind a few times recently. That alone makes me feel kind of guilty, as I shouldn't have those thoughts when I have a girlfriend. I guess you can't help who lights that spark and it's just a matter of not acting on it. So maybe going for a social isn't the right thing to do, even though I would love to. I really don't know how to approach it other than to let sleeping dogs lie or, if (I think more likely 'when') the situation arises I explain just that to this girl and try to feel out what the best way to go with it is But not cheating, I must add!

Thanks again  :)

April 03, 2020, 09:36:29 AM
Reply #5


I just worry that you are interested in this girl. If you are then there's every chance she likes you as well. Just think carefully before you break up with your girlfriend. If you really aren't interested then you should at least carefully find out how she feels about you incase this new friendship ruins your relationship

April 10, 2020, 05:22:24 AM
Reply #6


The thing is, we don't know if @itsdevine like the girl and want to take it further. If he do go out with his co-worker, it will be a little of a lie because there might be something more. The girl is giving signs to him (which we can say could be friendly but also more, @itsdevine is she like this with every guy at work ? she could be a very cheerful person)

I think it's maybe a sign that you have to think about your current relationship and what your girlfriend means to you. Because I think it's normal to find someone attractive when you are in a relationship. It happens a lot. It's just you have to be clear with your desire and your feelings and act on what you really want and need.
Live. Just live.

April 10, 2020, 02:30:53 PM
Reply #7


By sounds of things she's definitely not been innocent , I would say shes interested try knocking the flirting up a little gear see what happens


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