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Author Topic: Am I just making excuses?

October 01, 2019, 02:05:07 PM
Read 618 times


Not a major problem, but I rather get advice on it now before it might become one.

To give some quick background to my current relationship, I've been dating this lovely girl for nearly a year now. We both are deeply in love with each other and trust each other. I really think I am a supremely lucky guy to have been able to meet her and start a relationship with her. She means the world to me and I'm sure all this goes both ways. We're both in our twenties; I'm currently enrolled in a Masters program while she's still finishing up her last year in undergrad (Bachelors), so this clearly indicates that there's a slight age difference of a few years. She's a very kind hearted girl who's also very very affectionate.

So the problem? Well, let's start with how she feels. Based off of interactions with her, she seems to be constantly expressing that I am not showing enough affection, attention, and effort to her. I can totally understand from her point of view why she might feel this way, but at the same time I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. See, as I mentioned before I'm currently doing my Masters and because of that my weeks have been overloaded with school work, projects, and assignments. On top of that, I have a job as well as extra-curricular activities that take up time in my weekly schedule. Now, all that said it's not like I'm neglecting her but I'm definitely being the perfect boyfriend to her either. I do my best to, bare minimum, see her once a week in person and take her out on dates from time to time. When I can't see her in person, I still call her, text her, and facetime her when I can...though admittedly I'm still working on that aspect since she is usually the one that initiates those.

We both have talked about this months ago right before I started my program. I explained to her clearly that I won't be as available as I used to be for one year (since my program is only a one year program) and at the time she complained but accepted that fact. Now, it seems as though as time goes by she resents my busy schedule more and more despite agreeing with me earlier on in the year. I guess I'm just confused since she said she'd understand, but now she's acting as though she doesn't. Just recently, I tried to explain to her that there's a difference between "wants vs needs". I told her, "I want to see you right now and show affection, but I also understand that you and I both need to focus on studying. Right now, I have assignments due and you have midterms coming up. I don't want to be that guy who gets you a lower mark when you need those marks for med school." And then after that she said "Whatever leave me alone today" in a cold hearted tone as if she had enough of my bs. So obviously, I screwed up...right?

Am I just making excuses? Am I really just not trying hard enough? I really want her to be happy and I honestly don't care if I'm wrong in this situation (if I am please tell me). I just need to know if I am so then I can take steps to improve. I'm open to any suggestions, thoughts, opinions, etc. I just want to put a smile on her face and I hate it when I don't.

November 17, 2019, 03:04:56 AM
Reply #1


You said from the beginning that you will not be able to spend as much time with her. She knew this from the start, so for her to be complaining, it shows a lack of maturity on her end. I'm not telling you to break up with her but obviously med school takes priority over a girlfriend.

If she is hindering your performance I'd say break up with her, she should be supporting you fully and letting you have your space 


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