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Author Topic: Advice on getting over a relationship

December 13, 2019, 08:32:41 PM
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tapmadi121


I have been in a relationship for about 5-years this woman brought me so much happiness. unfortunately the relationship did not work out. I don't understand why I can't get over this girl it hurts so much I'm obsessed. I won't get into the reasons why why it hasn't worked out but I know she has moved on because she has to. we break up and then a week goes by and she messages me because she misses me and then the cycle continues will be break up again because she's moved on with someone else. she comes from a culture where she has to get married. so while having an emotional connection with me she has got into a engagement with another man via her family. we meet up occasionally and and I'm not going to lie I I get intimate with her because I want more than friendship with her and I end up sleeping with her only to feel close again, she refuses to tell me she loves me because she says it makes it all too real about what we have. she just pushes everything under the carpet and and doesn't acknowledge her feelings for me. every night I see her online on WhatsApp and I get upset thinking she's talking to him. I just don't know what to do how do I finally accept that it's over because in the back of my mind I still hope that she'll message me anyway. but I'm not messaging her because I want her to miss me but at the same time I can't talk to her because I get upset because she cannot give me what i want. even if I delete her number I'm just going to end up re-entering a number to check if she's online. and now I'm obsessing about thoughts with her being with someone else and going out for dinner and social activities.

I honestly feel that my emotions for her I like a curse I feel cursed the moment because I think about her so much. I think I am going through depression at the moment because life isn't great at the moment in other aspects and she was my only outlet and joy.

can someone just give me an idea of how to just finally let go of someone. even if I block her and delete her and change my number that learning is still there and it just does not go away, it seems to get worse as the days go by my everyday is like a marathon I always feel like I'm grieving in a death.

December 13, 2019, 10:47:06 PM
Reply #1
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Mellie


It is hard to let go of obsessive thinking when it comes to someone you want a life with but you can't have.   I suggest stop looking to see when she is on any social media.   I know.   Easier said but to actually follow through.  Not so easy.   Ask yourself.   What are you gaining when you see she is active and it is not you that she is talking to...  I am assuming it is torture...   Why put yourself through that?   I would start there.   Anytime you have something you want to say to her...  Can you write it down or type an email but don't send it to her?   I have found in my life when I have no control over something.   I write down the pros and cons of the situation.   Anytime I feel like I want to put myself through unnecessary torture.  I reread my list to remind myself of the path I need to take.   It takes time to move on from a connection.   Don't be so hard on yourself and do know that someone deserves your love.   Unfortunately..  This girl can't have a life with you.   I would suggest reminding yourself that it would do you both good to let her go.   Give her warm wishes and tell her you want her to find happiness...  Wish her the best.   Thank her for coming into your life and giving the time that she was able to.   You might find that will help release her.   Anytime you think about her.   I suggest writing in a journal.   One day I promise you will look back and reread your feelings.   You will be shocked that you felt that way and wonder why you allowed yourself to feel so much torment..   Find things in life outside of her that brings you happiness..   You will connect with someone later in life when it is meant to be.   I find when you are not looking for something or someone..   Amazing things and people come into my life when I least expect it.   I also put myself out there to others..   Friends, family, and people at work...   I treat people with kindness and compassion..  It makes me feel better knowing that I am doing the best I can do..  Good things will come your way...   I wish there was a switch to flip to let her go so you can move on..   But unfortunately we are human and have to go through the course of feeling...

December 14, 2019, 04:17:51 AM
Reply #2
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Captain Black


It is hard. I broke off an engagement because I didn't feel right about taking it further and neither did my partner at the time .The relationship was just fizzling out. You will feel hurt that is normal,  however you are just making things worse for yourself by keep going back for second's .You need to break away and allow time to heal the wounds . You will never forget her as I don't forget my former partner ,as you still remember the good times that you had.

To help me get over it ,I went out socialising with friends .I had a few non sex one night stands as well but refused to get into a new relationship for around 6 months   to enable me to dry out properly .That's what you perhaps need to do .Time is a great healer .

By the way the next girl I met became my wife and we have been together now for 30 years .

I am sure when you meet the right person for you,   you will look back and think that you made the right decision in ending this relationship and moving on.

Good luck

December 14, 2019, 05:28:46 AM
Reply #3
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tapmadi121


thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate the advice it does help. I Will contemplate over your replies and reread them.

December 17, 2019, 12:37:02 PM
Reply #4
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melony


Best way to get over a girlfriend, is to not check up on her on anything. Like social media etc. You should focus on yourself, like going to the gym and start to gain confidence again.

December 20, 2019, 10:21:56 AM
Reply #5
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adamevans1900


My advice - stop it  :-[ There are a lot of women for example on this  site
You can use dating apps but you need let she go
« Last Edit: December 20, 2019, 10:24:27 AM by adamevans1900 »

December 20, 2019, 01:14:50 PM
Reply #6
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Stratguy46


I was with my wife 13 years.
I found her having sex with another man and the minute it happened...it ripped through me but...I quickly thought it through and decided let go fast.
I turned off.i did the things I wanted to do and now she means nothing to me one year on.
Let go,erase her from your life,get new interests...hope it works out

January 14, 2020, 09:56:16 AM
Reply #7
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jackson_roy


As others have said, to get over these situations you have to force yourself to cut off all contact.  If you truly want to get over her, that's what you're going to have to do.  Block her messages, block her phone, put her e-mail address in your spam filter.  The hard part is in making sure you're not following her on social media, checking out her Instagram feed, etc.  Go take up a new hobby.  Go take a pottery or painting class...anything to get your mind focused on other things.  We've all been where you are at some point in our lives.  Trust me, it will eventually work. 

January 14, 2020, 01:25:18 PM
Reply #8
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Cdp87


What worked for me was staying off social media. And actually going out with friends and meeting new people.

May 21, 2020, 12:03:11 AM
Reply #9
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latin.lovers


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May 25, 2020, 04:27:21 AM
Reply #10
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LilyPouille


Mate,

The current situation is she has to marry an other guy, and you are the other guy that she keeps and enjoy having time with.
Nobody should be treated this way, if they truly love you. What I would advise the most is to send her a message giving her an ultimatum, him or you and saying that you can't be in a relationship when you are a choice over someone else and you need to break up and take time for yourself, going out and meeting new people, having fun on your own. And then delete her from all your social media. Don't wait for her answer, I think you've been hurt enough. That's the hardest thing to do but it's not for her, but for you that you do this.

Or you could just, erase her from all your social media and then move on. But you've got to go out and do other things ortherwise you will only think about it.
Live. Just live.

June 03, 2020, 02:29:42 PM
Reply #11
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Michael7715



July 01, 2020, 06:04:21 AM
Reply #12
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MaryT89


If you ever thought of becoming a Dating Coach, then this information may be very useful: https://bit.ly/3dOeVHq

 

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