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Author Topic: The waiting game...

September 16, 2019, 04:03:08 PM
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Here's a summary of the relationship. When my boyfriend and I met, it was like time stopped and I knew that he was "the one" and he felt the same. You could say it was love at first site. We have been long distance from the beginning. For the first few months we would meet every few weeks or a month and then he took a new job. The new job was hectic. He has been working 12-18 hour days for 10 months. (This seems crazy to me, but he is ex military and that lifestyle is kinda normal for him). He has told me he is frustrated with the job, but he has to get through it and eventually it will slow down and we will be able to have more time together. For the past 10 months we have seen each other twice. A new assignment that he started in June has kept him from even being able to communicate regularly. We hardly talk on the phone, hardly text.

I know that communication is essential to keep the relationship strong and to move us forward. I have expressed my need for better communication but he "just doesn't have time" and "will do the best he can to talk to me more often". I called him on it recently and asked him, "What do you want? because right now our relationship is completely on hold and the only thing I can do is sit back and wait." He asked for patience. My therapist said that I would know when I am done waiting.

My concern is that I am going to sit back and wait and feel like I've lost another year of our relationship. I spent far too much time in an old relationship waiting for things to change and they never did and I finally ended it. Sometimes I think that I am so reactionary because I am afraid of repeating patterns that I can't think clearly. The difference between the two relationships is that when i think about waiting for my ex, my excuse always was, "Because hes a good guy and its not his fault." When I think about waiting in my current relationship, I think, "Because I love him." It's simpler now. I see a life with him, I see a future, but is that enough?

I just need to decide, is waiting worth it? Or is leaving worth it? What do I want? What do I need?

September 17, 2019, 06:36:11 PM
Reply #1


Only you know the answer to this. Although, IMO, it looks as though you already know. I had a no distance relationship that had no communication for YEARS. I'm now in an LDR (over 3917 miles) and communication is the best I've ever had in any relationship.

February 02, 2020, 10:04:37 AM
Reply #2


I would say if not been able to be with your boyfriend all the time is something you're unable to live with then you were never the right person to be attempting a long distance relationship. The instability of a woman's feelings and moods is really the problem with every single woman I've been with. Most women are not willing to put up with not getting the emotional utility and instant gratification that they want in order to plan for something better in the long term. They will tell you they love you to pieces one month and then after not seeing them for a little while will tell you their feelings are completely gone. So are feelings and infatuation really things worth living by? I would say probably not. How about you put aside your feelings and think about the pragmatic? Do you believe this man is worth the wait and he will offer you a happy future or don't you? Do you believe this future is worth sacrificing your short term happiness for? That's something you need to answer.


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