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Author Topic: Should I text him when I am there?

February 25, 2020, 05:41:22 PM
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About two months ago a friend that I know from travelling came to the city that I live in with his best friend. Me and the other friend got along really well and after meeting them spontaneous for a second night, me and the friend spend the night at my place. I am never like this, but from the minute we started kissing each other it felt right. The whole night was so great and he was really sweet. I really felt like we were both very interested in each other, but I didn't want to get my hopes up because he lives an hour flight away.

After texting each other for about a week, he asked me if he could come over to see me for a weekend at the end of the next month, cause he wanted to spend more time with me, and of course I felt the same about him. We texted non stop for about two or three weeks, but after some time and face-timing him for the first time I could feel something was going on. He told me he was really busy with work and kept promising to FaceTime me, which never happend again. I asked him one or two weeks later if he was still planning to come over and he assured me he would. Every time he did text me he was still really nice, but the time span just got bigger and bigger.

No surprise to me, he cancelled the trip one week before he was supposed to come out, cause it got more serious with another girl he was casually dating at the time I met him (which of course I knew nothing about). He liked her more than he thought he did and visiting 'a girl that was more than a friend to him' was not fair to her. He waited so long telling me cause he was really in doubt about what to do and assured me we had a real connection and he loved to stay in touch and come out here again at some point. I told him that I respected his decision, but was disappointed about him not being honest and not giving me a chance. Which of course I do deserve. Still, I believe he is a nice guy and he made the right decision in the situation he was in. I haven't spoken to him since (more than a month ago).

Here's my dilemma. He lives in a city that I'm visiting next month to visit universities and look for a masters. Just to be clear, I've been wanting to move here for over two years, so me possibly moving there has got nothing to do with him. I still speak to his best friend and we already planned about meeting up when I am there.

I've been struggling to move on. I never felt those feelings about a guy before and it was new to me that someone was open about being interested, let alone someone that I hardly know. The guy is 7 years older than me which makes him almost 30, so I feel like time is running out with him wanting to settle down with someone. But I still want to find out if it was just a moment or if our feelings were right and it could have been more... obviously I don't now what the situation with the other girl is and I think my final message made it clear that I didn't want to stay in touch either way.

My question is, do I let him know that I will be around?

February 25, 2020, 09:20:33 PM
Reply #1


I think you should go for it! It seems like you still really like him, so even if you can't be with him, you might be able to be friends. There's also a chance that he might change his mind if he sees you, so don't give up just yet! Maybe just text him something like "hey I'm going to be in town today if you'd like to get together" or something like that. Best of luck!

March 10, 2020, 12:58:46 PM
Reply #2


Hey! I have been ion your situation before and I definitly think you should reach out to him. Maybe you should let him know a couple days before you even go into town so he can plan to make time to see you. The worst possible outcome is he says no and you can officially move one...actually the worst outcome would be always think "what if". That being said, make a move and see what happens! Good Luck!

April 03, 2020, 12:55:12 AM
Reply #3


I totally agree with the previous comments. Don't make it relationship-y, but shoot him a quick text saying: "Hey, I'm going to be in town. If you're available it would be great to grab a coffee and catch up." But with that said, I would go into with the intention of just being friends. It seems like he is unavailable at the moment, and you should respect that. However, you never know how things work out, and maybe they naturally don't work out with the other woman. It seems like cutting this guy out of your life entirely would stink, so I would just offer him your friendship. Men and women CAN be friends.

April 09, 2020, 01:46:58 PM
Reply #4


I think you should and just be honest


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