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Author Topic: Rants about my ...

February 18, 2020, 05:32:43 AM
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bluemoon


Hello!

I have been dating this guy for 7 months, and of course we began as LDR. Worse, we're from different country.
I think it's cliché to say that, "It's all good and sweet at first." But yeah, that was how we were at the beginning. He was very devoted and understands me all the time. He insists on this special time of the day just for the both of us to facetime and talk. And me, who has no self-confidence and constantly had anxiety attacks even before this relationship, warned him of what he was getting into. He, on the other hand, said that he didn't mind and that we could help each other grow.

In short, I put my whole trust in him and hope he wouldn't become someone I would deeply hate.
But we are here now, still LDR... He changed A LOT. And maybe I did too. But the "special time" was gone. And everytime we talk on the phone, it feels like I am bothering him. He has lost interest on how things are for me. He hasn't ask me how I've been lately. When he senses that I am on this depressed state, he keeps away from me for hours or even days.

Hot and cold. He's passionate at times, then after getting to the point, he just wanted my help for something, he turns cold and wouldn't talk to me again or suddenly brush me away by saying he has tons of work to do (Like heck? A day has 24 hours dude. Does an essay take atleast 20 hours to make?).

He once said I wouldn't have to worry about other girls because we would always be on the phone and he would be too busy talking to me. But now? He hangs out with a lot of girls (not that it's not okay to, but I admit that it bothers me, I just don't say anything). He likes pictures of girls (which triggers my insecurity, he has never ever called me pretty nor praised my looks) And everytime I call or he calls me, he would just be on social media or be talking with his friends leaving me staring at him on the screen for 8 minutes then tells me to hang up because they have something to do. I didn't even had the chance to ask how his day was nor did he ask mine.

Why am I ranting about such things instead of telling it to him straightly, you ask? I did. I told him what worries me. AND he asked me if he should pity me???? He invalidated my feelings easily. He said I always blame him for trivial things. He didn't even notice that I was just hurt because of how he acted. He made me feel worthless and even my emotions. He treats them just like trash.

I know I am being selfish. But don't I deserve just a little consideration? I've done a lot of consideration for him. Even if there is something that bothers me now, I keep it to myself because it's meaningless to him.

He makes me want to hate myself. I can't understand why I can't leave him and tell him I want out.

Sorry for this bothersome text. Please help me tho