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Author Topic: Overthinking thoughts and anxiety

January 03, 2019, 04:39:59 PM
Read 260 times
Offline

shockline


Hello everyone, i've been with my girlfriend since september, i'm 25, she's 22.

Just like every other relationship i had in the past, we all start good and then love starts dying, and from my point of view and my relationship skills i've learned so many things from the past that i wanna tell you about while i explain my situation:

Everything is so nice, i tried avoiding many things i did wrong in the past with my previous ex'es and everything is going smooth, i love laughing with her, i try making her my 100% priority and she does aswell, i like talking to her about other things, i like to be more friendly than more lovely sometimes. I try avoiding any sort of sadness and jealousy, i just ask her for advice when i need help with something, in the past i would show sadness and unsecurities and this was a big mistake for me in my previous relationship. I try not to make her think that she's the only person that can make me happy.. i really tried avoiding all those kind of things. I understand, but..... a few days ago, since she started working, she's been acting so different, for about 5-6 days straight. I don't know what's going on... 2 weeks ago she would call me facetime me almost everyday, in my days off from work she would call me in the morning. It makes me sad now cause i kind of feel as if she's losing interest, some of you would say that she's tired cause now she's working but sometimes i feel like i'm the only one giving her attention while she's doing her other things, i tried asking her the other day "Are you happy with me" and she would say "yeah, i just been busy with a lot of things in the house and im very tired when i get off from work."
I try not to tell her that or talk about it too much, i don't want our relationship to be the egocentric type. She's been going out lately a lot with her friends and she wouldn't tell me where she's going and with who in the past few days aswell. Now when we get to talk on facetime i get to talk to her, she's recieving calls.. and would say they calling her from a store to offer her a credit card, it's been the third time she said it and i had changed the subject to avoid any conflict. Last night she went out, and i told her to text me whenever she got home and she didn't i don't think she even slept home because we had this app called Life360 where we can track eachother in a GPS map and it turns out she had the location deactivated on her phone, the app literally tells you if someobody does it, i wouldn't tell her that at all.. i don't want her to think i'm not trusting her anymore. This is the reason why i came here to get some advice. We also slept on the phone these past few days and she always ends up hanging up sending me a text later that she would go out with her friends late at night around 12am as if she's using me. It makes me think she's hiding something from me cause she's always saying that she wants to go to sleep with me on the phone but she literally just waits for me to go to sleep.

The reason while im explainig you this it's because i'm not sure if i should give it some time or should i talk to her about it? Any advice? should i leave her alone and see what happens or should i let her go?
It's hard to handle a long distance relationship, i'm starting to overthink any little thing now and it gives me a crazy anxiety...
« Last Edit: January 09, 2019, 09:53:43 PM by Staff »

January 03, 2019, 07:07:32 PM
Reply #1
Offline

goodevening


Hello everyone, i've been with my girlfriend since september, i'm 25, she's 22.

Just like every other relationship i had in the past, we all start good and then love starts dying, and from my point of view and my relationship skills i've learned so many things from the past that i wanna tell you about while i explain my situation:

Everything is so nice, i tried avoiding many things i did wrong in the past with my previous ex'es and everything is going smooth, i love laughing with her, i try making her my 100% priority and she does aswell, i like talking to her about other things, i like to be more friendly than more lovely sometimes. I try avoiding any sort of sadness and jealousy, i just ask her for advice when i need help with something, in the past i would show sadness and unsecurities and this was a big mistake for me in my previous relationship. I try not to make her think that she's the only person that can make me happy.. i really tried avoiding all those kind of things. I understand, but..... a few days ago, since she started working, she's been acting so different, for about 5-6 days straight. I don't know what's going on... 2 weeks ago she would call me facetime me almost everyday, in my days off from work she would call me in the morning. It makes me sad now cause i kind of feel as if she's losing interest, some of you would say that she's tired cause now she's working but sometimes i feel like i'm the only one giving her attention while she's doing her other things, i tried asking her the other day "Are you happy with me" and she would say "yeah, i just been busy with a lot of things in the house and im very tired when i get off from work."
I try not to tell her that or talk about it too much, i don't want our relationship to be the egocentric type. She's been going out lately a lot with her friends and she wouldn't tell me where she's going and with who in the past few days aswell. Now when we get to talk on facetime i get to talk to her, she's recieving calls.. and would say they calling her from a store to offer her a credit card, it's been the third time she said it and i had changed the subject to avoid any conflict. Last night she went out, and i told her to text me whenever she got home and she didn't i don't think she even slept home because we had this app called Life360 where we can track eachother in a GPS map and it turns out she had the location deactivated on her phone, the app literally tells you if someobody does it, i wouldn't tell her that at all.. i don't want her to think i'm not trusting her anymore. This is the reason why i came here to get some advice. We also slept on the phone these past few days and she always ends up hanging up sending me a text later that she would go out with her friends late at night around 12am as if she's using me. It makes me think she's hiding something from me cause she's always saying that she wants to go to sleep with me on the phone but she literally just waits for me to go to sleep.

The reason while im explainig you this it's because i'm not sure if i should give it some time or should i talk to her about it? Any advice? should i leave her alone and see what happens or should i let her go?
It's hard to handle a long distance relationship, i'm starting to overthink any little thing now and it gives me a crazy anxiety...

How long have you been in a relationship for @shockline ?

I was going to say that she probably is busy at work, as the same happened in my last relationship and she genuinely was very busy. It took me a while to get it though. However, considering she disabled her GPS and is acting odd, and went out, that's weird. Very weird. I don't blame you for making a post here asking for advice.

The thing is,I know you both only have a 3 year age gap but 22 is still very young. Is she quite immature or is she ready for a commited relationship? Has she had a relaitonship before?

So many questions before we can give you a meaningful response. It could be that she's just enjoying herself and spending time with friends, but you never know - you aren't silly for writing here. I'd do the same.

January 03, 2019, 08:56:47 PM
Reply #2
Offline

shockline


Hello everyone, i've been with my girlfriend since september, i'm 25, she's 22.

Just like every other relationship i had in the past, we all start good and then love starts dying, and from my point of view and my relationship skills i've learned so many things from the past that i wanna tell you about while i explain my situation:

Everything is so nice, i tried avoiding many things i did wrong in the past with my previous ex'es and everything is going smooth, i love laughing with her, i try making her my 100% priority and she does aswell, i like talking to her about other things, i like to be more friendly than more lovely sometimes. I try avoiding any sort of sadness and jealousy, i just ask her for advice when i need help with something, in the past i would show sadness and unsecurities and this was a big mistake for me in my previous relationship. I try not to make her think that she's the only person that can make me happy.. i really tried avoiding all those kind of things. I understand, but..... a few days ago, since she started working, she's been acting so different, for about 5-6 days straight. I don't know what's going on... 2 weeks ago she would call me facetime me almost everyday, in my days off from work she would call me in the morning. It makes me sad now cause i kind of feel as if she's losing interest, some of you would say that she's tired cause now she's working but sometimes i feel like i'm the only one giving her attention while she's doing her other things, i tried asking her the other day "Are you happy with me" and she would say "yeah, i just been busy with a lot of things in the house and im very tired when i get off from work."
I try not to tell her that or talk about it too much, i don't want our relationship to be the egocentric type. She's been going out lately a lot with her friends and she wouldn't tell me where she's going and with who in the past few days aswell. Now when we get to talk on facetime i get to talk to her, she's recieving calls.. and would say they calling her from a store to offer her a credit card, it's been the third time she said it and i had changed the subject to avoid any conflict. Last night she went out, and i told her to text me whenever she got home and she didn't i don't think she even slept home because we had this app called Life360 where we can track eachother in a GPS map and it turns out she had the location deactivated on her phone, the app literally tells you if someobody does it, i wouldn't tell her that at all.. i don't want her to think i'm not trusting her anymore. This is the reason why i came here to get some advice. We also slept on the phone these past few days and she always ends up hanging up sending me a text later that she would go out with her friends late at night around 12am as if she's using me. It makes me think she's hiding something from me cause she's always saying that she wants to go to sleep with me on the phone but she literally just waits for me to go to sleep.

The reason while im explainig you this it's because i'm not sure if i should give it some time or should i talk to her about it? Any advice? should i leave her alone and see what happens or should i let her go?
It's hard to handle a long distance relationship, i'm starting to overthink any little thing now and it gives me a crazy anxiety...

How long have you been in a relationship for @shockline ?

I was going to say that she probably is busy at work, as the same happened in my last relationship and she genuinely was very busy. It took me a while to get it though. However, considering she disabled her GPS and is acting odd, and went out, that's weird. Very weird. I don't blame you for making a post here asking for advice.

The thing is,I know you both only have a 3 year age gap but 22 is still very young. Is she quite immature or is she ready for a commited relationship? Has she had a relaitonship before?

So many questions before we can give you a meaningful response. It could be that she's just enjoying herself and spending time with friends, but you never know - you aren't silly for writing here. I'd do the same.

We been together since september, we've known eachother for years and im coming to see her soon in february. My point is why is she acting this type of way if im going to see her soon? Why would she disable her app with me last night and said she was going out with some friends? And yes she has been in other relationships before me, she was in a relationship before me with a guy for one year straight.

January 05, 2019, 05:32:41 PM
Reply #3
Offline

winstonjack


She's too tired for you yet not to tired to go out with her friends, she turns off the GPS so you can't track her, she is full of excuses. She has lost interest but not quite certain she is ready to abandon ship. In general, woman feed off of their emotions while men feed off appearances - at least initially. If your girl suddenly gained 50 pounds you may have your hesitations -- in her case whatever you were doing at one time to attract her is not working now. That is why women are so hard to figure out. For the most part, it is how you make them feel that makes you attracted to them. Granted she may have some appearance standards but that in itself does not make her desire being closer to you. It is your behavior, how you make her feel and consequently in turn she feels something towards you accordingly. If  you are coming across as needy, dependent and she knows she has you, her desire has lessen. I feel for you because men's role in a relationship is much more of a balancing act then it is the other way around. So keeping her attracted to you means she has to still find you  desirable emotionally as she does physically. Don't think you feed her emotions by bowing to her every whim or lavishing her with gifts (that only works when things are going good) -- instead focus on YOU. No begging, spying, or constantly calling and texting but instead show her you can stand on your own two feet and if she so choices -- she is invited to join you on your journey of love.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 05:38:13 PM by winstonjack »

January 08, 2019, 05:55:27 PM
Reply #4
Offline

Staff

Forum Staff
She's too tired for you yet not to tired to go out with her friends, she turns off the GPS so you can't track her, she is full of excuses. She has lost interest but not quite certain she is ready to abandon ship. In general, woman feed off of their emotions while men feed off appearances - at least initially. If your girl suddenly gained 50 pounds you may have your hesitations -- in her case whatever you were doing at one time to attract her is not working now. That is why women are so hard to figure out. For the most part, it is how you make them feel that makes you attracted to them. Granted she may have some appearance standards but that in itself does not make her desire being closer to you. It is your behavior, how you make her feel and consequently in turn she feels something towards you accordingly. If  you are coming across as needy, dependent and she knows she has you, her desire has lessen. I feel for you because men's role in a relationship is much more of a balancing act then it is the other way around. So keeping her attracted to you means she has to still find you  desirable emotionally as she does physically. Don't think you feed her emotions by bowing to her every whim or lavishing her with gifts (that only works when things are going good) -- instead focus on YOU. No begging, spying, or constantly calling and texting but instead show her you can stand on your own two feet and if she so choices -- she is invited to join you on your journey of love.

I agree and it's not the first time I have heard this before, though it may not be entirely true.

I know it's only been a couple days but do you have an update on the situation @shockline ?
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

January 09, 2019, 03:39:58 PM
Reply #5
Offline

shockline


She's too tired for you yet not to tired to go out with her friends, she turns off the GPS so you can't track her, she is full of excuses. She has lost interest but not quite certain she is ready to abandon ship. In general, woman feed off of their emotions while men feed off appearances - at least initially. If your girl suddenly gained 50 pounds you may have your hesitations -- in her case whatever you were doing at one time to attract her is not working now. That is why women are so hard to figure out. For the most part, it is how you make them feel that makes you attracted to them. Granted she may have some appearance standards but that in itself does not make her desire being closer to you. It is your behavior, how you make her feel and consequently in turn she feels something towards you accordingly. If  you are coming across as needy, dependent and she knows she has you, her desire has lessen. I feel for you because men's role in a relationship is much more of a balancing act then it is the other way around. So keeping her attracted to you means she has to still find you  desirable emotionally as she does physically. Don't think you feed her emotions by bowing to her every whim or lavishing her with gifts (that only works when things are going good) -- instead focus on YOU. No begging, spying, or constantly calling and texting but instead show her you can stand on your own two feet and if she so choices -- she is invited to join you on your journey of love.

I agree and it's not the first time I have heard this before, though it may not be entirely true.

I know it's only been a couple days but do you have an update on the situation @shockline ?

Hi guys i'm back sorry for late replies, i read what @winstonjack said when i got the email but didn't have the time to reply back.

In the meantime everything is going better guys, i think the most important thing was to talk about it with her. Communication is the only key to fix things, she explained every situation and why she was making me overthink things that i didn't want to. The app thing was just a lost of data, she didn't have data a that point so she explained. I think us men worry about too many things when girls act distanced. After all this happened i argued with her i explained to her why i was feeling this way.. she said sorry she won't make me feel this way again and she would explain with more details when is she going out and who is she going out with to not make me feel this way, i really liked that she said that.. she really just thought i get mad when she tells me she's going out so i told her not at all, it's better for you to tell me instead of lying to me. She also said that she doesn't want to make me feel this way due to the fact that i'm coming to visit her soon so she doesnt want me to have these thoughts. So after this, we spoke good and then i spent a whole day without giving her that much attention so the next day in the morning she texted me saying she was missing me and stated that she's not going to do it again and thought i was mad at her. I think what @winstonjack said is true we do have a balancing roll in a relationship, i also think that we both made a mistake so i apologized aswell for being jealous freak and that i would try to handle things better next. Now we are back to normal again for the moment, i'll keep you guys updated in the future thanks a lot for the advice... i really enjoy reading what you guys think.

You can proceed and close the thread. @Staff
« Last Edit: January 09, 2019, 04:23:48 PM by shockline »

January 09, 2019, 09:54:14 PM
Reply #6
Offline

Staff

Forum Staff
She's too tired for you yet not to tired to go out with her friends, she turns off the GPS so you can't track her, she is full of excuses. She has lost interest but not quite certain she is ready to abandon ship. In general, woman feed off of their emotions while men feed off appearances - at least initially. If your girl suddenly gained 50 pounds you may have your hesitations -- in her case whatever you were doing at one time to attract her is not working now. That is why women are so hard to figure out. For the most part, it is how you make them feel that makes you attracted to them. Granted she may have some appearance standards but that in itself does not make her desire being closer to you. It is your behavior, how you make her feel and consequently in turn she feels something towards you accordingly. If  you are coming across as needy, dependent and she knows she has you, her desire has lessen. I feel for you because men's role in a relationship is much more of a balancing act then it is the other way around. So keeping her attracted to you means she has to still find you  desirable emotionally as she does physically. Don't think you feed her emotions by bowing to her every whim or lavishing her with gifts (that only works when things are going good) -- instead focus on YOU. No begging, spying, or constantly calling and texting but instead show her you can stand on your own two feet and if she so choices -- she is invited to join you on your journey of love.

I agree and it's not the first time I have heard this before, though it may not be entirely true.

I know it's only been a couple days but do you have an update on the situation @shockline ?

Hi guys i'm back sorry for late replies, i read what @winstonjack said when i got the email but didn't have the time to reply back.

In the meantime everything is going better guys, i think the most important thing was to talk about it with her. Communication is the only key to fix things, she explained every situation and why she was making me overthink things that i didn't want to. The app thing was just a lost of data, she didn't have data a that point so she explained. I think us men worry about too many things when girls act distanced. After all this happened i argued with her i explained to her why i was feeling this way.. she said sorry she won't make me feel this way again and she would explain with more details when is she going out and who is she going out with to not make me feel this way, i really liked that she said that.. she really just thought i get mad when she tells me she's going out so i told her not at all, it's better for you to tell me instead of lying to me. She also said that she doesn't want to make me feel this way due to the fact that i'm coming to visit her soon so she doesnt want me to have these thoughts. So after this, we spoke good and then i spent a whole day without giving her that much attention so the next day in the morning she texted me saying she was missing me and stated that she's not going to do it again and thought i was mad at her. I think what @winstonjack said is true we do have a balancing roll in a relationship, i also think that we both made a mistake so i apologized aswell for being jealous freak and that i would try to handle things better next. Now we are back to normal again for the moment, i'll keep you guys updated in the future thanks a lot for the advice... i really enjoy reading what you guys think.

You can proceed and close the thread. @Staff

We don't tend to delete threads, though I have locked it so nobody can reply.

Happy to hear that you're back on track.  :)
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

 

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