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Author Topic: my ld boyfriend seemed to have suddenly changed, what’s happened?!?

June 19, 2019, 05:32:23 PM
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Before starting, thank you for your time reading this!
I’m a 17 years girl from italy and i’m in a ldr with an italian-german boy since almost 7 months now that i’ve met thanks to a cultural exchange with my school in germany in november. (you know we kissed in a party at his place the day before my departure and after that we kept texting till we really fell in love) Now we text less than we did during the courtship period, but especially than we did before he came here in Italy in may to continue the exchange.. we texted a lot with each other, u know, can’t wait to see you, can’t wait to kiss you as your boyfriend this time bla bla.. Maybe we text less because we’re into the routine i don’t know.. But lately it seems that what’s between us is slowly disappearing, but surely not because of me, i’m always there ready to text him, it’s rather him that is very detached these days, he hasn’t texted me ”goodnight” back since a few days (he did it everyday) i mean he’s been cold in general since a few days, he never saw my texts without answering, especially before going to bed. I don’t know what could have happened, because it happened all so fast and SUDDENTLY. However he confuses me.. the other day (before getting cold and detached) he asked me if i want to go to germany and stay at his place during the christmas holiday, i don’t understand him anymore. Am i paranoiac and do i think too much, or is it his character? But if that’s the reason, then why wasn’t he so detached and cold until a few days ago? Being distant surely doesn’t help, texting is the only way we have but if he avoids them then i don’t really know what to think. I also tried to talk with him about this thing some time ago, but he told me “see! it’s always me doing something wrong” (bc his exes made him believe this) “i do everything i can” then i feel guilty and i think instead that i am the one who’s wrong and paranoiac and we just stop and make it clear like if nothing happened.
Help me i need advice!!

July 27, 2019, 09:58:18 AM
Reply #1


Hey there, first of all, I am sorry you are feeling like this, I can understand that not having answers and the insecurity about the relationship isn't doing much good to you right now.

There is something called the Honeymoon Phase in every relationship, it's the phase where everything seems perfect, fresh and exciting, and you're constantly learning new things about each other and having first experiences together, but after a while you shared everything with each other, you fall into a routine, you don't feel the need to text your SO constantly anymore, you are getting to a new stage of the relationship where you are really comfortable with each other and you expect your SO to know how you feel about them and trust in your relationship.
Sometimes partners can disconnect during this phase because for one it can feel like everything is going fine while for the other (who is still in this honeymoon phase) it feels like panic.

But, when I read your story, I do notice this, he did ask you to come over for Christmas to spend it together? If he wouldn't be interested in the relationship anymore he wouldn't ask you to come over for something that is 5 months in the future.
Maybe he is facing problems in life that has nothing do with you or the relationship, maybe problems at work, school, family or friends relate.
Sometimes a partner needs time to disconnect to think things trough, but I do feel you shouldn't be suffering for him to be able to do that, he should be able to communicate this with you and tell you what's going on and that he needs some time, communication in a LDR is so important, without it your SO is left completely clueless about what's going on and that usually makes the mind go crazy and leaves room for speculation.

What you can do is try to ask him a question without making him feel attacked or accused.
for example:

Hey, I noticed you have been acting cold and detached recently.
I wanted to ask you if there is something on your mind or something going that I can maybe help you with?
I am here for you and would love to help you with anything you are facing right now.

Maybe that will allow him to open up more about what is going on.

August 20, 2019, 09:21:53 PM
Reply #2


I have a long distance boyfriend tho I'm not sure if he will really visit me because he didn't even visit his ex girlfriend which happened to be the same country as me. I couldn't visit him because I have to get visa and it's not that easy to get one.

August 28, 2019, 09:20:36 AM
Reply #3


I had similar experience before. He suddenly become distant and didn't messaged or replied to my messages at all. I beat myself into thinking of possible things I did to make him be this way. After almost 3 weeks of silence, I suddenly had the courage to message him for the last time. Told him I just want to know how he is doing and that, and if he said he is okay, I'll leave him alone. Turns out he is going through some hard time. Be patient with him. 


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