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Author Topic: I love my girlfriend so much, but she doesn't seem to care.

January 29, 2020, 08:16:05 PM
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Chinnu


I'm 16 years old. Here's the deal. And do NOT say internet relationships are dangerous, etc. I don't want that stuff. I know they're dangerous, and all of that. But I know she's not a 70-year-old man who's trying to rape me.
I met this girl, on Discord a long time ago. Now look, that's clearly a sign that you'd hate- But, we became really, really good friends. And, after a while, we started opening up to each other. We sent pictures of ourselves to each other, sent each other's locations, started talking on the phone, sent videos of us at our high schools, exchanged phone numbers. Soon, we fell, well, in love. And, she asked me if I was interested. I said, yes, because I really did like her. And I still do, she was one of the people who helped me get through a really tough time in my life. I love her, and she loves me. But, here's the problem. Recently... She started acting really passive-aggressive to me. Stopped starting conversations, and I was the one who ended up starting them. I started being the one starting every conversation. I started being the only one saying "I love you", a lot. And it hurt, it hurt so much. And, I listed my problems to her. Here's what I wrote:
Not Responding - Okay, I’m not so self centered that I think I deserve an instant response... But- You used to respond relatively quickly, and once you apologized when you replied 10 minutes late. Now, I get 20 minute- sometime 50 minute late responses... Sometimes I know you’ve read my message... I always give you top priority, it just hurts a lot when I know I’m not receiving the same, you know?

Not Responding to “I love you”
When I say I love you, I really mean it. But when you don’t respond, or simply ignore it? That hurts. It makes me think ‘does she really love me?’, and that isn’t a fun thought. I remember, one time I said I love you, and you responded two days later with the response “I DIDN’T NOTICE” (or something along those lines). That hurt a lot, y’know? I waited for an ‘I love you too’, but it never came.

Telling me that you have to leave our conversation to message someone else
This one has made me cry. So have all the others, but this one makes me feel like I’m below others in your heart. Like I don’t matter- Like I’m some kind of acquaintance, and not your boyfriend. It hurts a lot, okay?

I start most conversations...
I’m not saying you don’t start any conversations, okay? But I experimented with this before... I once waited for you to start a conversation- I didn’t send a message until you sent one. I believe you sent me a message near around 3pm? You were online throughout the day... It’s just- I start most conversations, and it makes me feel like you have less interest in me...

Affection... Please?
You give me lots of affection, I love you! But umm... You don’t give as much affection as you used to... It makes me feel like you don’t care about me as much... And sometimes you don’t respond to my vents,,, I get it! But I try my best to respond to every vent of yours I see... I just- hhhh

Side note, before I sent her this, I made her promise not to go full-on lawyer on me (because she does do that, a lot to people), however...
She did it anyway. She sent a list of reasons trying to debunk what I said, and it hurt me even more. The last line in the response she said was "Be patient.", and that hurt even more. I cried my heart out for an entire evening because of it.
Now, that was around a week ago. Today, she was acting passive-aggressive to me, and I just wasn't gonna handle it anymore. She acts like it all the time, and it hurts like hell. I just- It doesn't feel good at all.
Here's our conversation log:

Me:
Why are we being passive aggressive to each other again?
im conFUSED
 
Her:
Dunno
 
Me:
Neither do I
So, would you mind explaining?
 
Her:
Yeah
 
Me:
You would mind explaining?
Ah, well
That's a little shitty, don't'cha think
 
Her:
Yeah
 
Me:
To just outta nowhere start being passive aggressive
 
Her:
You act like I have answers bro
 
Me:
So are you just angry at me or some shit because you can be?
Fun
 
Her:
Nah
But you do you
 
Me:
That'd be gross
 
Her:
Insert Cool guy President Tanaka
 
Me:
Insert why is my girlfriend being mean to me shitpost
 
Her:
Because I feel absolutely sick to my stomach and am no longer in a good mood because of it
 
Me:
I feel you, that's terrible, but isn't it just dandy to take it out on me
 
Her:
Bet arm here I come
 
Me:
Just what I'm doing right now
 
Me:
Are you gonna stay quiet now, and end up acting like this never happened, resulting in no apology, and then follow it up with being passive aggressive the following day as well
 
Her:
Dunno ask my period
 
Me:
Every week you must be on your period then
 
Her:
I mean it does last a week
 
Me:
I said every week
 
Her:
And I said it lasts a week
 
Me:
Okay then

------
Okay, that's some of it, I'm going to skip ahead, and show you what happened a little after.
------
 
Her:
You know what I was gonna wait but now im not
Listen,, I need to talk to you. Like, now. Right now. And your about to get your feelings hurt.
 
Me:
Im
Im sorry, please dont
Please don't, I'm really sorry
I didn't meant to start this--
I just.
I'm so sorry
Please
 
Her:
h
 
Me:
I love you so much, please don't break up with me over this fight.
We can move forward from this?
Please?
 
Her:
Nonono not that

 like,,,, this has to be addressed or else this isn’t gonna end up being any sort of good relationship. At all :bonk~3:
 
Me:
Alright,,,,
I was so scared,,,
 
Her:
yeah but it’s a close second very fair warning

depending on how this goes
But like
Listen
 
Me:
All right
 
Her:
I’m about to be extremely blunt
Don’t get your feelings hurt pls
This’ll make me feel worse about it
 
Me:
Okay
 
Her:
And

Anyway ahem
I can’t. Stand this.
Like I get it. You love me and all but. I feel like a caged animal who’s only obligated to talk to you.
But like,,,, I don’t want that. No offense but it feels like you text me every 5 minutes and it’s really starting to feel like a chore. That’s why I don’t initiate conversation because 1) you’re always doing that and 2) I feel,,, free? Because like I said,,, it’s really starting to feel like a chore and I really don’t want it to be like that.
As of right now my chest feels heavy as hell because I,,, feel trapped-ish? Something like that,,, but like,,,, you get what I’m saying right?
 
Me:
Alright.
I'm sorry, I'll stop-
 
Her:
Nono I don’t want you to just apologize and go on with life
I want us to talk smth like this through because just doing that is like avoiding it entirely
 
Me:
Alright...
 
Her:
So,,, hear me out,,,,
I’m going to be entirely honest I have done so much just to get through this,,, I’ve vented in 3 different places, I’ve gone to dating advice forums, all kinds of crap
And personally? I don’t think it’s best for me, considering my circumstances, to be even attempting LDR
But look at me, here I am


And here’s another thing
It’s,,, kind of a sensitive topic so I’ll spoiler it
And I’m still blunt with it so
you,,, listen. I don’t mean to be rude, but,,,, you cut yourself a lot. I get that, and I’m really worried for you, but,,,,, you get over dramatic with it sometimes,,,, and at this rate it feels,,,, guilt trippy.
 
Me:
I
[REDACTED], are you gonna break up with me?
Look, I don't mean to be guilt trippy. I don't want you to be,,, just,,,
[REDACTED], we can work this out, please?
 
Her:
I’m trying to,,, xknskxns but I’m not gonna break up with you
 
Me:
I'm so sorry, I really am. I'll cut down my intense texting level, I'll stop telling you about me cutting myself, I'll make sure to think about your feelings.
-------
Look, you'll probably side with her about this... And I understand that. But, I've never attacked her like this before. Every time she acted passive-aggressive towards me before, I took it as I should, and didn't say anything. I just let her act that way and gave her space. But, she did it almost every day... She acted like this almost every day... It hurt. I had to address it. And I ended up almost losing her. I'm deleting discord for the rest of this week, just to let my head just... Feel better. She has my phone number, if she wanted to text me she'd message me on there. I really hope that she doesn't hate me.

Another problem I have. I said it in the long message where I stated my problems, but, whenever I vent to her, she doesn't really respond like she used to. Before, she would write a paragraph, sometimes two, making me know that I'm cared about. Now? She doesn't even respond, and when I'm lucky she'll end up sending a hug gif. That's it. It hurts a lot, why doesn't she care as much anymore? Look, I know I act clingy a lot... But, I wouldn't be as clingy if she just talked to me on her own volition more, you know? It hurts a lot. I almost killed myself when she sent me that message saying that talking to me is like a chore, and only due to my friend Natalie telling me I need to stay alive was I able to stay alive. I just, really wish she would show that she cared about me more. She doesn't seem to.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2020, 08:21:44 PM by Chinnu »

January 31, 2020, 10:51:24 AM
Reply #1
Offline

Kkxrina


Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through this it must be very difficult to have someone you love switch up on you like this. Before I write this I just want to emphasize that I have been where you are and I completely empathize with your situation.

First let's address the most important thing here, because there is a lot to unpack on this situation it's much deeper than an online relationship, and that's your mental health. It needs to be addressed immediately you need professional help if you are feeling suicidal and are self harming these are all very serious things you must deal  with a professional.

You guys are so so young, and I know nobody that is young likes to hear this but I don't think you are at any place to sustain a relationship, when your mental health is going through an absolute crisis right now. The truth is you venting to your girlfriend all the time about these very serious things is draining for her and you as well. You need to get stronger on your own and more stable in order to form stable relationships as well because this dynamic you have created is not healthy. She is not your psychologist and she is young herself and going through things as well.

She is selfish, but that's what most teenagers are. Don't allow her to hurt you and focus on yourself and getting better. This relationship simply isn't what you both need  right now. I hope you find the comfort you long for and get help!!! Good luck you can do it.

 

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