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Author Topic: I'm becoming possessive, and I don't know how to stop

March 03, 2019, 06:55:45 PM
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rebotco25


Hi everyone, apologies for the essay. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and a half, the last 10 months of which have been a LDR. Since we started dating, she has not always been fast to respond to a text through the day, and openly admits she's pretty terrible at it. I've understood this, and never had a problem. I trust her and know that a reply will eventually come. We both have our own lives and don't seek to control each other's communication frequency, which is one of the biggest reasons why we feel so comfortable with each other. We've also adopted trend of talking to each other over FaceTime almost every night, which has helped with the LD tremendously.

I've recently found myself adopting possessive thoughts about how often she texts me, though. While I'm used to occasional 7 to 8 hour gaps without a text from her, there have been a few recent instances of her going out with friends until late in the morning on the weekend without texting goodnight. She doesn't often get to see them, so I'm supportive of her going out. She deserves to have fun. I also understand that obviously means no FaceTime that night, and that's ok. But I've started feeling irritated at a lack of response to our text chain when she meets up with them (typically 6 PM). What gets me mainly is that she'll be out until 1 or 2 in the morning without even texting me good night. The best way I can describe it is that it makes me feel neglected.

We spoke about it the other night. I brought up how I felt, and she was stunned. She explained that sometimes she just doesn't check her phone when she goes out, and it's not meant to be personal. I told her that I understand it's not meant to be personal, but that I didn't think a simple good night text was asking too much. The conversation was awkwardly quiet at that point, but she agreed she would work on her texting habits. I apologized for bringing it up harshly, and we resumed our typical nightly FaceTime habit.

I can see a destructive, possessive habit beginning to form in me. This morning I saw on IG that she went out for brunch two hours after my good morning text, and had't replied to me. That same feeling of neglect started to bubble up. Eventually she did reply, but I still felt bothered.

I know these feelings are irrational, and I don't know how to quell them. I love this girl to death, and 100% trust her. So why am I feeling this way, and what can I do about it? Any advice is welcomed.       

« Last Edit: March 03, 2019, 07:04:16 PM by rebotco25 »

May 21, 2019, 04:46:13 AM
Reply #1
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bella111


 :) wahhhh... you are the male version of me and I am currently experiencing this. I relied 100%. It seems, when I tell my OH I feel neglected and like he doesn't care for me, he pulls back and withdraws completely. Pushing him away further. Its almost like I have to act distant to keep him keen. It's tiring. However my guy isn't a big party guy, so when he does a Whodini act on me, it baffles me.

I have felt exactly as you do, and the only thing that helps me, is realising if they want to reply, they will. Chasing - pushes.

Start going out, start going to the gym, read a book, party, and let her feel neglected. In a nice way however. Still reply to her, just let her wait a bit, let her worry.

June 19, 2019, 09:57:06 PM
Reply #2
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helenaggg


I feel you so much!!
Today i’m still working on it but i’ve realized that being too possessive makes them think that you constantly doubt about them. I tell you this because that’s what my long distance boyfriend told me. You know i was so sad and worried because he seemed detached and i told him because i couldn’t keep it for me anymore and he told me me “that’s because you have doubts about me because then you wouldn’t feel this way”. I’ve obviously  never had doubts about him but that’s what he believed (we’re still together don’t worry haha). So what i want to tell you is that these are just our thoughts and they’re not necessary the truth, it’s just that we are afraid to lose our bf/gf... so just try to relax, get out with your friends.. do anything that can keep your mind off those possessive thoughts. Personal experience!:)

 

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