Hello guys, now I feel so broken and sad but i dont know what to do.
First, I am gay and I have a boyfriend and we have been together for almost 2 years, and its been a year for us to be in a LDR. But we meet every 3/4months.
So, I was working abroad and we had a fight. I didn’t feel his love for a while, he was so cold and didn’t even seem care to me. Once he told me to get on dating site to meet another man, so it confused me. But then I did, I hooked up with a man once. Then I told him everything, I regret doing it so much. He was so sad for a month but then we got this through together.
Then I met him, we both were crying and hugging each other. I swore to him not to do it again, we both cuddled for nights. Then I left to go back home.
2 months passed by, he visited me. And suddenly he hugged me really tight and told me that he hooked up with a man as well, just like a week after our last encounter. I was sad but I knew I did it first, so we both felt regret and try to let it go. Then he flew back and left.
A week later I felt something fishy with him so I asked him if he was on dating site again or not. Then he was so mad at me and said I was just being too worried and jealous. Ok i take it. I said im sorry.
Then two days ago, its been less than a month after we last met. He texted me he just woke up and gotta go groceries. So i said okay. 30 minutes later i asked him why i couldn’t contact him, then he told me with regret that he just hooked up with another man he met on grindr... i was so.. i had no idea what I was feeling. I was shaking and my heart beat so fast. So i ask him why and when he downloaded grindr again. Then he said he downloaded grindr right after he arrived at his country.... all this time my feelings and intuitions were right. So I cried and asked him for details. He asked me for forgiveness, it was so hard for me. He talked to his friends and said that he was feeling regret. Then i took me a day to finally get over it. I love him so much so I tried to forgive him...
Today, which is 3 days after he cheated on me, he asked for a space and me time. Right in the moment where I still need his attention to trust him back. I know I started all these mess but now I dont know what to do. We both still love each other but still dont know how to fix this.
