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Author Topic: Arranged marriage for long distance relationship

November 27, 2019, 03:17:18 PM
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Ugh, I have been with my "wife" for about 1.5 years now but orignally known her for about 3 years.  I was put into an arranged marriage.  My mom meant well and thought that it would be for my benefit.  But not only was it arranged, it was also dragged out LONG DISTANCE for about 3 yrs.........

But thats just the icing on the cake,  I feel unfairness saying this but she truly loves me and I don't think I have the same feeling for her (I can't believe I am writing this without her knowing and she was just calling me and I try to avoid it maybe cuz shes so draining)...

Because of USCIS not letting her come to USA being married for 1.5 years we only had sex for like I guess one time but that wasn't anything "exciting" either as I remember it was a struggle to get it in her and I was still "soft"  am I secretly not attracted to her?  Being long distance 1.5 years later I don't have desires in going back cuz of other situations I'd rather not get into.......but the whatsapp relationship for almost 3 years is sooooooooooo draining and boring.......she wants all the time with me every few moments throughout the day she wants to chat on phone.......I already have secret thoughts of leaving her and am pre planning this when she gets here........I truly feel bad for her and also bad for secretly writing this where she loves me with all her heart and I don't feel the same I am afraid cuz of an arranged marriage that felt forced.........i dont even talk to any of her family.......

March 19, 2020, 09:04:04 AM
Reply #1


Well, if you are not sure 'bout your feelings, why are you still married?  ::)You both don't feel safe and sound in this marriage (to me). If you are not ready to spend much time texting,if you are confused about the amout of attention she wants, haven't you thought that your relationship might be experiencing not the best time. If they are doomed and you are considering divorce, before you make this rather hard decision, why not to consult about the procedure with a lawyer or look for divorce document preparation services  to realize the procedure and get totally ready for the process? Or as I did when I was thinking about a divorce: I consulted a lawyer, who recommended me to look for a family therapist and try to work our relationships with XH. Therapy didn't worked the way I expected and we got a divorce, but still, there appeared two happier people.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2020, 09:06:34 AM by CuzIToldYaso »

March 22, 2020, 06:21:43 PM
Reply #2


I'm sure she doesn't want to be needy for you. For her, long distance is probably tough and I'm sure she feels insecure in the marriage as well but I'm assuming it's both of yours first marriage which is why she misses you and wants to talk to you.
The start of your marriage sounds tough but I think that once you guys live together and get to know one another you'll fall in love with her. Just be open minded and give her a chance.

May 09, 2020, 10:59:29 PM
Reply #3


So the girl deserves her respect and if she is so draining I could imagine how sweet she could be. It's because of her vergine it makes her special who she is in this life. Wether with you or not. What im trying to say is give her time.

June 15, 2020, 03:28:32 AM
Reply #4


First of all, how old are you? Why are you letting your mom make 'life-changing' decisions for you?? I understand your mom wants to be part of your life, but NOT when it comes down to 'picking' who you will spend the rest of your life with. Mom don't have to live with that person...You do!

Now married for 1.5 years, you have wife waiting to come to the USA, but your feelings not there. You say you know she loves you, but have you ever thought it maybe only because she has a chance to maintain permanent residency in the US. Not just to be with you.

Once your wife arrives, sit down with her and tell her how you really feel. Explain your unhappiness. Maybe together y'all can work things out, ONLY if you feel you want to. Give it a little time. If those loving feelings don't eventually surface, and nothings there, then a 'trial separation' will be the next option.
Ron Kennedy


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