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Author Topic: Was my gf embarrassing me or am I being too sensitive?

February 08, 2020, 03:04:15 PM
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harmonica44


I feel that my girlfriend has been embarrassing me, mostly in front of my friend, let's call her Amanda, to keep things from getting confusion. It's a long story but I feel I had to explain it all, so it could be understood.

The first time I was embarrassed by her with Amanda, was when Amanda has these charity events she holds. She keeps asking me to come to her paint night even, where you pay to learn how to paint for the evening, and you pay $37 USD.

But it seems a bit much and I don't even like painting. The charity is for leukemia research I think she said, but it seems like a lost cause since I don't think there has been much advancement into fixing leukemia last time I checked.

Unless I am wrong?

So I didn't want to go even though she keeps trying to talk to me into it. My gf told her that she would try to 'wear me down' as she put it. But this caused Amanda to really think I was going and I had to turn her down more awkwardly, compared to if my gf didn't say anything at all about going to talk me into coming.

But my friend was okay with me not going I think, it was just an awkward turning down position I was in, compared to just saying I wasn't interested in the first place, without the additional pressure otherwise.

A few weeks later, we went out with the Amanda and some other friends of that friends, for some drinks and food another time, and she asked in front of her and her friends, if I remembered that it was our one year anniversary since we started dating. I actually forgot because I had been going through a lot of problems with work, and in my career life and just really stressed out. So the anniversary just wasn't on my mind unfortunately. I knew it was coming up, but it just came so fast, it feels like with all the stress I've been having, and I forgot about it.

But she was completely shocked that I forgot. I guess that's not too embarrassing, but I figure why did she have to bring it up in front of Amanda and my friends? Unless she was just having harmless conversation and I am overreacting?

So we hung out with the same Amanda a week later. Earlier in the week, a former friend of mind who lives in a different city who I use to have a FWB relationship with before, wanted to visit me while she was in the city on business. We've been friends for about 8 years now, but mostly communicated through messaging long distance. Even though she is a friend who I communicated to long distance, and has become more of a pen pal over the years. She wanted to get coffee and catch up while she was here.

But I didn't think this was appropriate to do with a former FWB while with a gf, so I told the FWB it's not a good idea and not appropriate since I have a gf now. I later told my gf this and the gf said 'it was okay, I trust you, go get coffee and catch up'. But I didn't want to or just didn't feel like it I guess, when having a gf. That time hasn't come up yet, cause she won't be in town till later in, in case anyone was wondering about that. But I still don't feel like going. But the gf says to.

So we hang out with Amanda again, just her and us, and my gf brings up the conversation we had about the former FWB and tells Amanda that she is okay with me going to meet up with her and that she trusts me, etc.

But I was embarrassed by that, cause Amanda might totally get the wrong idea, if I am meeting up with a former FWB, which I didn't even say I was going to... I just think it makes me look bad, and gives a friend of mine the wrong impression of me. It just makes me look weak like I said yes to a former FWB, even though it's just coffee, instead of having it in me to tell her no. Does that make me look bad, or I am overreacting about it?

Now another thing about me and my gf is that I haven't spent the night with her in a while because she has really bad snoring. I mean like really really bad, not to insult her, it's just I had trouble sleeping over cause it was so loud I couldn't sleep. I kept going home really tired after spending the night with her cause I couldn't sleep. The last time, I just slept on the couch in another room after. So after that I just hadn't slept over since, because I couldn't fall asleep cause of the snoring.

Just yesterday, she asked me why I haven't slept over in a while. She asked if it was because I've been working a lot lately? I said 'yes, but--', then we were interrupted by a phone call about something, and the conversation didn't continue after, cause we just forgot I guess, as far as I can remember.

The but was, is that I was going to say "but the real reason why I haven't slept over was cause I couldn't sleep because of the snoring". I just forgot to say that cause of the call.

Then later, last night we hang out with Amanda, I had a few drinks and didn't want to drive home. My gf was being the DD for the evening this time. Amanda said why don't I stay over at her place instead of her driving me home.

And so to answer Amanda's question I turned to my gf and said, "Is it okay if I tell her why I haven't slept over in a while, or no"? She said oh sure, it's okay. So I told Amanda that it was because she snores and I can't sleep cause of that.

She then got really frustrated and said I was totally lying and that I said it was because of work, and that I was going through personal problems with it. I said no that's just what you mentioned and I said that was a more recent part of it, and then I said "but", and then we got a call and the conversation never continued.

But she didn't by that I was going to tell her it was because of the snoring. But she didn't by that and said I was lying and said I was a liar in front of Amanda, and kept being accusatory of it, and being argumentative, in front of her.

And I can understand maybe I mislead her unintentionally in the conversation cause I said, "but" then we got the phone call, and forgot to continue the conversation after.

But I find this strange that she never new it was the snoring and it was a total surprise to her. I told her before on nights that I slept with her, that I had trouble staying away cause of the snoring. The last time I slept on her couch, cause of the snoring, and I told her it was cause of the snoring. So how could she not think the reason why I haven't been going over was cause of the snoring. Sure I might not have spent a few nights recently cause of work more, but that' was like a small reason, compared to the snoring, which I thought I told her before when I said I had trouble sleeping with her because of it.

After I drove Amanda home, I talked with her about it and she said that she was very sorry, and she actually thought I lied and that she had no idea that I misunderstood that I thought one reason of why I wasn't sleeping over, where as she thought another. She said that she was really sorry, and felt bad about it.

But now, a few months later, while hanging out with the same friend, she did it again.  I don't know why she always talks about things that are more personal that friend of mine, possibly cause she feels closer to her compared to my other friends I guess.  Basically I got my gf to read over a screenplay I wrote, which I was trying to make into a feature film.  But weeks later, she tells this friend who she cannot stand the script and hates it, but she said it like she is frustrated and complaining that I got her read it, even though she agreed.  Now, I am okay with people telling me my script sucks, if we are doing a one one on critique and that is the purpose of the conversation but the way my gf brought it up in a social situation, out of complete randomness, saying it like saying it in such an irritable way, just really turned me off.

Do you think maybe I am overreacting, since I am also reacting cause of the previous times she has done it, or what do you think from what you can tell?  I noticed that the spacing in my post is strange, sorry about that. I cannot seem to fix it.
« Last Edit: February 08, 2020, 03:06:13 PM by harmonica44 »

February 09, 2020, 09:21:08 AM
Reply #1
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brainysprite


Unfortunately I don't have any advice but I wouldn't say that you're being too sensitive. It does sound, at least with the FWB thing, that she brought it up in front of friends on purpose. It does seem like she was trying to make you look bad, or possibly that she was being fake supportive to your face and trying to get other people to say how she really feels for her. Like maybe she thought if she said it in front of Amanda then Amanda would tell you that it's inappropriate to go.

Do you think it's really about embarrassing you in front of Amanda specifically, or is she just trying to double punish you for mistakes like forgetting your anniversary by making sure everyone else is annoyed at you for it as well.

If you were a real team in your relationship then she would be bragging about you to your friends, not making you look bad.

February 10, 2020, 07:16:23 PM
Reply #2
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ladymama


I think it's a good think to be sensitive, this world is lacking of sensitive persons

 

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