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Author Topic: In love with a good woman but with slight narcissistic tendencies

March 30, 2019, 05:43:30 AM
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MarkDaly71


There's a woman I'm in love with, that I've come to realize is a little bit of a narcissist. She's certainly not at all a full blown narcissist, if she was I wouldn't be attracted to her, as I've had experience with a real narcissist before.

I took this temporary job as a canvasser back in mid-February at a political organization that she's on staff with. I'd met her a couple years ago when we both worked as canvassers on a political campaign. I was attracted to her then, but she was married then so can't go there LOL! But she got divorced sometime last year.

So she starts to show subtle signs that she's interested in me. I've been taking improv classes for a while, and since I'm a student I can go to the improv shows for free and take a couple people with me, as long as the show isn't sold out. I sent a facebook message out maybe six months ago to some acquaintances saying I could get them to tickets to a show if they're interested. I was surprised that she responded by saying she thought it was awesome I was taking improv, and that she was interested in going to a show but that right now she couldn't with her work schedule. I had always thought she was a bit out of my league.

So after I started working with her, I called her and asked her if she wanted to go with a show with me, she says yes but that she wants to bring a friend, which I say is fine though to myself I thought I'd much rather just go with her. The night of, it turns out the first show is sold out but I can still get tickets for the second later show. I call her to let her know and she just cancels on me, which leaves me feeling pretty hurt, since how interested in me can she be if just cancels so casually?

Anyway...the next month or so I go thru what I've come to realize is "push/pull", with her acting pretty interested in me one day, then ignoring me the next, which puts me on this emotional roller coaster. At one point I just call her, tell her I like her a great deal and ask if she'd like to go out with me on a date, and she says she just sees me as a friend and gets off the phone. But not long after that she goes out of her way to sit next to me at this volunteer event where we're texting registered voters. (She actually had to move a table next to me first for "other people", then sat next to me a little later.) Which I think is great, but leaves a bit puzzled on how to respond.

So shortly after that she starts ignoring me again, so I finally decide to quit because it's just too much. She texts me asking why I quit and if I'm alright, and I respond that I don't want to explain over text but she can call me if she wants to, which she doesn't. A few days later I sent her a text calling her out on her behavior. I actually sent her a lot of texts expressing how I felt about her and got really carried away, until she finally texted me back to stop contacting her. But I think it was the calling her out text that really got to her. I deleted her phone number, then a bit later I sent her a Facebook message apologizing, that with all those texts I sent I had let my emotions get the better of me and I acted out instead of acting like Jesus. She didn't respond.

I also went to a couple of gatherings where I knew she'd be in attendance, but the vibe I got from her was that she didn't want anything to do with me, at least for now.

So I've decided to avoid all contact with her for 30 days, which a lot of relationship experts recommend after a break up, even though we were never really in a relationship, though maybe we were in a strange unspoken dysfunctional way. I've blocked her on Facebook, mainly for my own mental health as I've been in the habit of checking her page several times a day. I don't really expect her to contact me, but I figure at the end of the 30 days I can at least go to another event I know she'll be at and see how she reacts.

I realize most people would probably recommend I should just forget about her, but I really love this woman and I can see how we would really complement each other if we got together. My sense is that this is all some kind of defense mechanism she's developed due to being hurt in the past. I also realize I can't get too attached to the outcome and I need to be healthy enough to walk away if need be. Any advice is appreciated!

April 01, 2019, 02:17:36 AM
Reply #1
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Eternal Optimist


It seems to me you genuinely care about her! However it doesn't seem to me that she's reciprocating in a kind way. I have found when somebody ignores an individual like your friend has ignored you it's probably best to back away and wait until they come to you. You mentioned she was married and now divorced. I don't know how recently she has become divorced you didn't mention. I've learned that it genuinely takes somebody at least 2 years to go from we to me. Meaning she's going to need at least a two-year. To transition from being a couple to her own individuality. And that's a transition that is a slow process and only in her own time will she recover. In the interim I would ask myself if you really think her actions show love your way. Because it doesn't seem that she is in that frame of mine when it comes to you. It's a shame, because you seem to be a genuine type of guy. It could be a good opportunity to work on you. Make a list of the type of individual that you're actually looking for and what you're willing to do for that person and what you would like for them to do for you. And figure out what love means to you. That can be a quest until you find the right person. Good luck!

April 18, 2019, 04:25:56 PM
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ellencarter


I pass the tests https://psycho-tests.com/test/jung-personality-test . I always give my partner a full self-portrait and tests show a good temperament and everything that is inherent in his character. So comes the understanding

April 19, 2019, 12:19:57 PM
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DannyMickel


@MarkDaly71 according to me this is not a bad thing as if we loved our love, but with romance, please try some romantic ...

April 19, 2019, 05:21:51 PM
Reply #4
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MarkDaly71


@Eternal Optimist, that makes sense, and I have decided to not initiate any contact with her at all. I just wish I could get a handle on my emotions; I guess I really fell hard for this woman, and I feel like I'm getting over a major breakup even though we never actually dated. I keep regretting sending her all of those texts, especially the one that really offended her. I keep thinking we could've had something if I'd just been patient cause it seemed she was gradually opening up to me. On the other hand, I think the way she treated me was a bit messed up so maybe it was just a no win situation. I just feel so sad and shitty most of the time over this it's hard enough to just do the bare minimum, let alone "work on myself." One day at a time, I guess.

 

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