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Author Topic: How do I decide whether to stay with boyfriend who I love but has money issues?

March 12, 2019, 11:17:47 AM
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dilemma400


My boyfriend is totally in love with me for the last  6 years and I love him.  He can sometimes be a bit possessive but for me the real issue is that he wants to live and marry me soon.  I'm hesitant and not sure why and the reason may be the key to me moving forward with him or not. 

In my mind there are a few possibilities including:

I lost my husband to cancer 7 years ago and I thought I wouldn't survive the aftermath. I had a slight nervous breakdown and still suffer from reliving all of the events from diagnosis to death and beyond.  If I marry again, this may happen again.

My bf works and collects social security but has almost nothing saved for retirement. This alone makes me very anxious.  I have enough for a comfortable retirement and this may mean I can't enjoy my retirement the way I would like to (i.e., having financial resources and time to travel and live elsewhere).

Notwithstanding the above, he is the kindest man I know and loves my kids and family. We have a good sex life and it seems all he wants to do is make me happy.

Do I give up on him? If so, will I regret it? How do I decide? I need to tell him something soon if I decide not to live with him/marry, because he expects it to happen this year.

March 12, 2019, 02:05:45 PM
Reply #1
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libra_moon


Hi-

I would say voice your concerns to him. Let him know you love and support him, but also tell him that marriage isn't just about love. You are concern about fiances and that is definitely reasonable! To lay down the foundation of marriage, having money is important. Let him talk and explain, and see if he has a plan to get a better job. I know you don't want to lose him b/c he's a good man, but think of the bigger picture. Also, if he really loves you, he won't want to lose you so he will do anything to make you feel secure. Marriage is a sacred vow and should be taken seriously (I know you know this dear) so if you are not 100% sure, don't be afraid to voice it.


Good luck!

 

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