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Author Topic: Her ex-husband is goign to be there for Christmas Eve and Christmas day

December 02, 2019, 01:54:17 PM
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I began dating this girl about 9 months ago.  It's been a whirlwind romance to the point that I have already moved in with her.  I love her.  We have an amazing relationship.  She has 2 teenage kids with her ex-husband.   They do 50/50 parenting.  She was divorced about 4 years ago but maintains a friendship with her ex-husband.  I see him a fair amount as he drops off the kids and picks them up.  We even invite him over for dinner occasionally and even invited him to a bar that we frequent because there were classmates they both know there from high school. 

I think it's important for her to maintain a friendship with her ex since they have kids together.  I have kids of my own and maintain a friendship with my ex as well just not to the level that they do. 

The issue I'm having is that she recently informed me that her ex will be coming over on Christmas day morning to open presents with the kids.  For some reason, I'm not feeling great about this.  This is our first Christmas together and I feel like it's going to be a glimpse into their past as a couple instead of her and I creating OUR Christmas for ourselves.  She indicated that they have in the past done the Christmas present opening separately with the kids but for the last couple of years they have done the Christmas present opening together on Christmas morning. 

I have no fear that they will get back together so this is not my issue.  The issue I'm having is that I feel like I'm going to be a 3rd wheel.  The thought of sitting there watching them have THEIR Christmas together "like old times" while I just sort of sit on the sidelines makes me want to throw up.  If he was bringing a girlfriend along with him, I might not feel so uncomfortable but he's not in a long term relationship right now. 

She told  me about this a few weeks ago and I guess I sort of forgot about it even though I didn't feel good about it when we first talked about it.   We may have been having drinks when we first talked about it so the details were fuzzy and at the time I just let it go.  This weekend we were talking about Christmas gifts and she brought this up again and I immediately started feeling uncomfortable.  She also reminded me that he will also join us for dinner at her mothers house on Christmas eve as well.  So basically I'm spending my entire first Christmas with her and her ex.  I can kind of understand the Christmas present opening since it's about the kids and according to her, he'll only stay until the presents are open and then leave.  But, I do not understand why he also needs to be there celebrating Christmas with her family.  He has a family of his own nearby and after all, they are divorced! 

So what do you think?  Am I being a big baby or am I justified in feeling this way?  If you feel I'm justified in feeling this way, how do you think I should handle it?  I don't really like the idea of me telling her what to do but on the other hand, I feel like if I don't make my feelings known, I'll be stuck celebrating every holiday with him in the future. 

Thanks in advance for your input.



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