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Next steps?

End it
0 (0%)
Ask explicitly where this is going / talk out concerns
0 (0%)
Don’t make any decisions or take any actions until his personal life is resolved
0 (0%)
Keep pretending nothing is wrong, and drift further into misery
0 (0%)
Ignore him - see if he really does miss me
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Something else.... leave suggestion please!
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Author Topic: Is the guy I’m dating still into their ex or just complicated

February 05, 2020, 02:54:29 AM
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Lemonlimez


So I have been dating someone for 6/7 months now, I really like him - really caring, nice and funny but he is in a complicated situation with his ex.

So before I met him he had just got out of a 7 year relationship (they had broke up about 7 months before i was dating him) we were both surprised at how well we got on after meeting each other, and kept searching for the catch, but there didn’t seem to be one, we genuinely enjoyed spending time together.

Now, it’s awkward because their living situation prior to me coming along was complicated. They were sharing a flat together, and they were also living with his mum (the guys mum that I am dating) his mum couldn’t afford the rent in her last place, so she moved in with them.

When they broke up, understandably the girlfriend left the flat, he and his mum stayed. Now when she left, they were still locked in a contract, therefore she was paying the rent and they couldn’t afford to find somewhere else at the time. In her defensive, she has been paying rent for a considerable amount of time and she doesn’t want to pay anymore.

It leaves the guy I am dating in an awkward position and it is very stressful for him as his biggest concern is that he and his mum will not be able to arrange somewhere else to live in time before she bails out of the contract and they will have to sofa surf / not have anywhere to live.

Now I have quickly detail the reasons why I’m insecure / not insecure:

Insecurities: he hadn’t chucked away his girlfriends stuff for ages until I mentioned it, he has just got out of a 7 year relationship, when she was saying she was getting out of the contract it was followed with insults which affected him emotionally, he has not suggested to me that he is looking to move things forward, sometimes says how he would like to go travelling and things, I guess insecurities in me not being in his future plans

I have raised all of these things, and he has told me he doesn’t care about his ex and he is completely over her, has told me he likes me, and doesn’t see me as a rebound or temporary - but for some reason I still don’t feel satisfied with the response

Not Isecure: doesn’t talk about his ex unless really relevant, I can tell he genuinely likes spending time with me, calls me everyday, always wants to see me over the weekend, tells me he misses me when he doesn’t see me and I believe him.

I feel that my insecurities are overshadowing my non insecurities - but it’s almost as though I feel that I can’t bring up the conversation of ‘us’ because of the stressful housing situation that he has, but equally I don’t want to invest any more time and emotion into this situation if this is just seen as a temporary thing for him and that I am just a good healer to have around whilst he is going through all of these stressful times.

Please help and sorry for waffling on, just wanted to paint the right picture.


 

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