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Author Topic: Am I being Too Agressive or Too Coy?! ADVICE!

December 10, 2019, 12:17:08 PM
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I'm confused as to the best move to make here without being too agressive or too coy..  HELP?

There's a guy I am interested in getting to know better, we met long ago and he seemed really into me back then but life took us in different difrections. I now have the chance to see if the spark is still there, but since I was ina  long term relationship previous to him, I'm not sure how to do this!

I mentioned to him via messenger I was moving out and looking for a place in his area. He seemed excited and said we should get drinks together to celebrate once I move in (I hadn't messaged him 2 years previous to that). Sounds good, but when I did move in and messaged him saying I was all in, all I heard was crickets.

Finally, I made a video stating how I'd like to see him in my life and get to know him better and what a nice guy he seemed to be and how I wished him the best in future relationships. Pretty open-ended as far as a relationship went.

After 2 long days, he wrote back that he just wanted to hang out as friends and didn't want to upset his buddy (I had dated his buddy for 2 months years ago). But no offer of going out. Although he did watch my video 6 times and even thumbs-upd it . . lol.

I decided to leave him alone for a few days but did send one message asking if he was going to a local concert (both so I could go out without seeing him, and also giving him  chance t o invite me with him if he wanted). I didn't hear back and assumed he was at the concert, so I went out to the local bar to have a drink (by myself). Lo and behold, he was already there with a group of friends. I walked in with a guy I'd met a few days earlier and we sat at the bar. 4 different times in one hour, the guy I liked came up to the bar and stood right next to me. There was plenty of other places to stand to get drinks, but that's the place he picked . . .

Since he had seemed to blow me off and not taken any real action since I moved in, I thought maybe I was being too agressive, so I decided to flat out ignore the fact that he was at the bar and didn't glance his way at all, lol. I kept my back to him while I happily chatted with the other guy.

  Finally, the guy I liked reponded to my message and sent one back. We exchanged a few brief messages on messnger (I was too intoxicated to type well), but he still didn't say anything remotely flirty or "interested". His buddy was also there (the one I dated 2 months) and later he invited me to their table to hang, but the guy I liked was no where to be seen. I don't know if he left or was hiding in his truck . . .

There is a small possibility he's worried I won't like him . . . he came out of a 7 year long relationship several months ago, and I am a but of a celebrity in the area thanks to my job (if that makes any sense), so maybe it's too much pressure.

How should I proceed? Should I wait forever until he can make up his mind on pursuing me despite his concerns over his buddy? or should I try to make contact again? The bar is right by both our houses, so there is a VERY good chance I will run into him again. If I run into him again, should I ignore him, or throw a few flirty glances his way? or maybe just very casual small-talk?    Should I casually mention I will be there saturday night if he wants to join?

December 10, 2019, 05:53:06 PM
Reply #1


Hey Writermom82,

I think you got it right with your initial question, "Playing Chase, how much is too much" - Anytime you find yourself having negative emotions directly/indirectly from another person, especially outside of being in a relationship suggests that you are stretching yourself too thin. Your post was lengthly so I am addressing this in a general way.

Move on, sounds like he is immature regardless of age and this situation doesn't seem like it would even make you happy in the end.

I recommend having 3-5 guys in your back pocket so when you encounter situations like this you have nothing to worry about since you know you are good enough.

If you were good enough for other men, you wouldn't let this childish game of chase phase you as much.

Feel free to reply to this and we can have a conversation on here.
Modify message

December 11, 2019, 03:58:08 AM
Reply #2

Captain Black

In my opinion you have done more than enough . He probably doesn't want a relationship with anyone . If I was in your position , I would channel my energies into finding someone else and move on. I think you have hit the buffers with this guy and there is nothing else you can do .Just keep him in the friendzone .

December 11, 2019, 10:29:41 AM
Reply #3


I probably will just keep him in the friends zone :) Not a bad deal anyway considering I'm in need of more friends to hang out with and don't need a guy in my life to feel completed :)

It's very possible he's not too sure of himself or his own future plans, and maybe he realized he jumped the gun and panicked. I'll let things happen on their own, and if I run into him again I'll offer a warm smile and let him be the one to strike up conversation. I guess it's not fair to force him to make up his mind or get himself mentally into a position he's not ready to be in yet :)


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