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Author Topic: Looking for advise about this girl

June 28, 2019, 11:13:50 AM
Read 1176 times


I am really confused by this girl.
We have known each other for 4 years, not talked all the time but about 6 months ago, the talking got a lot more frequent.
She lives in another country.

So we talked great, planned to meet and she planned time off work (not annual leave, just rejigged the rota with colleagues) I visited her home city and she was checking my fight landed okay, checking everything and was worried when I didn’t reply until I got to the hotel (SIM card issues).

We met and it was great, she brought a cake and balloons for my birthday and we talked about family, friends, what we wanted to do in the future and we drank... I think too much.... that could be a part of the issue.
We were both drunk, did videos together just being fun and we went back to the hotel because I still don’t know anywhere in the city. She took photos, said she loved me and left the hotel... even asked the hotel staff to bring me a few bottle of water. Started at 8pm and finished at about 6am.

Next day, talking great, laughing and joking both recovering from the night before.

Then the day after, she told me she was ill, couldn’t meet up... then the next day she had work was planned to work (ill?) and the next day she told me her boss told her she has to work again for night shift (yet she wasn’t active on social media which she always is at work - instead seemed like she was asleep) ... then I told her the next day I’m leaving the city as planned, I thought she was distancing herself from me at this point too. But she replied strangely “you’re leaving TOMORROW... we can meet tomorrow morning after my work and before your flight”
I didn’t expect her to offer to meet, I figured she didn’t like me.

We met and again it was good, laughing, joking, planning a return, she’s checking her hair and makeup. I was so confused because of her not meeting before then doing things when we meet which would seem like she liked me. So confused. When I left we hugged... and she was kinda waiting like for something... I should of just kissed her but I didn’t, I should have done.

She text me the entire trip to the airport. She then told me the reason why she didn’t meet much is that her grandfather died the day after our recovery day.
I don’t think she liked that she told me this but I just asked her straight like why happened.
She then asked me to text when my plane landed.

Then she asked for time because of her problems and I know her problems... she just wants time.

I knew after the first day that I really liked this girl and wanted more with her. In her country, flowers and notes are a big part of the culture so after the first time we met, I had this ready for delivery for her after I left her city, with a note basically telling her how I felt and some just fun things between us and yeah. It was the first time I’d wrote a letter about feelings towards someone, well a letter with meaning, not just a little text, so I felt like it was a sort of all-or-nothing vulnerability. The flowers had meaning too, the colours meaning different things but all the colours together represented my nationality.
She didn’t respond to the delivery; I know she received. She didn’t respond to my text… admittedly I sent 3 over the course of 10 days basically because I didn’t understand what was going on straight after I got back home from the trip. I had an accident and she text me asking what had happened, I told her but she didn’t reply. She always checks my social media. Likes my pictures. She is on social media all the time and going out.
So far it’s been nearly 4 weeks pretty much no contact. I assumed that she basically distanced herself because she doesn’t like me. We talked briefly the other day, she told me that nothing bad has happened between us and some people don’t understand that she just wants time and that I know “ALLL the problems but it is her problem, isn’t it?”. She said it like she was annoyed.
I told her that I know she needs time and that yes, it is her problem. I told her that she is important to me and that I just want to be here for here and support her.
She told me that “I don’t need anything right now, just time, it will just take me time and that’s it”.
I said okay and told her to tell me when she wants to talk and if I can do something to help. She said that she would and said thank you.
After this brief exchange of texts, the same night I posted 2 pictures with my friends, which she viewed and liked.
I don’t know how long I should wait for her to text me… or if I should wait at all because really she might just be pushing me away. I don’t know. I did think this ‘problem’ which she said was her grandfather dying, was a lie because it’s quite a common standard kind of thing a girl would say when she doesn’t like a guy. I really thought limited talking for a month would be enough time for her.
So it is confusing. I think it is like I’m being a kind of back up. Or she is being genuine in needing time. Or I’ve annoyed her and she won’t tell me about it…. And possibly even all 3.
I think I will wait another week; I have loads of guys events coming up for the next 8 days anyway. Then I want to just stand up to this and just get a straight answer from her…. But I don’t know what to say… advise on what to say would be great???

September 22, 2019, 11:23:58 AM
Reply #1

Sindre Henriksen


I like that you want to find the answers. Here is something that you might like:

My name is Sindre Henriksen and I am an Olympic Champion in speedskating. My passion on the side of the sport is to help people reach their full potential.  I have made an audiobook that focus around women and attraction. It also focuses around becoming your best version. It's all connected. In other words, you get great knowledge in Pickup, Dating, Relationship and Personal Development. You can listen for free as much as you want. Check out this youtube-interview for more information. The link to the audiobook can be found under the Youtube video. (And if you don't believe the link is real, just search my name (Sindre Henriksen) on youtube, and you will find the video.


February 08, 2020, 01:18:48 AM
Reply #2


I'd say listen to your gut feeling.

If she is lying, she is not worth it. Also, you should never be anyone's back up plan.

February 12, 2020, 08:56:17 AM
Reply #3


Your gut feeling and your brain too my friend!

April 02, 2020, 09:52:37 AM
Reply #4


Trust your gut always. If You feel something is off it probably is. As to what to say to her, maybe just tell her how she is making you feel, confused and that you have feelings for her. Ask her for complete honesty on how she feels about you and why she cannot go any further with you. If she’s cannot do that then she isn’t worth your time. There needs to be an equal give and take and she cannot keep you on the hook as a backup, that isn’t fair. You deserve better.


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