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Author Topic: How to start conversation with her

May 31, 2019, 09:46:00 PM
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Steve94


Hello everyone! I like a girl for over 2 weeks.. She is 28 years old and I'm 25. She's working at a cafe. The only contact we have, is eye contact. Unfortunately, we don't have common friends, so I decided to talk to her via facebook. However, I'm afraid to text her. Some people say, what if she rejects you, just make your move, but I disagree. If I can do something to impress her, to get her attention, why shouldn't I do it? She seems earnest and I want to make the best impression I can. But I don't know what should I tell her, to make her want to talk to me and how to start conversation with her via messages… Plz help me…
« Last Edit: May 31, 2019, 10:06:20 PM by Steve94 »

June 01, 2019, 03:26:16 AM
Reply #1
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Elliott


All of the below is my opinion based off what you have typed, sorry if it doesn't help, but a do think a natural human approach is best.

Difficult scenario and 2 weeks isn't long, but when you have eye contact.  Is it a relaxed eye contact or a why is he looking at me eye contact.  Also eye contact alone isn't the best indicator of interest.

Also with communication it's best to be yourself and just start a normal conversion at the cafe and don't rush or push her into anything. 

Maybe make her laugh a few times to break the ice and even give her an extra tip for her service, but don't expect anything and you might be surprised that you find you both get along.

Honestly i think messaging her might be bad to start, because if you are rejected via facebook and she knows who you are in the cafe from the facebook message.  It could be uncomfortable for her when she sees you in the cafe looking at her, unless she was the one that gave you details so you could message her.

Maybe someone else on forum could help too.  I could be wrong in my opinion, so I apologise in advance, but good luck with your approach.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 03:44:05 AM by Elliott »
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pni_kDv9BsU

June 01, 2019, 03:01:05 PM
Reply #2
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Steve94


All of the below is my opinion based off what you have typed, sorry if it doesn't help, but a do think a natural human approach is best.

Difficult scenario and 2 weeks isn't long, but when you have eye contact.  Is it a relaxed eye contact or a why is he looking at me eye contact.  Also eye contact alone isn't the best indicator of interest.

Also with communication it's best to be yourself and just start a normal conversion at the cafe and don't rush or push her into anything. 

Maybe make her laugh a few times to break the ice and even give her an extra tip for her service, but don't expect anything and you might be surprised that you find you both get along.

Honestly i think messaging her might be bad to start, because if you are rejected via facebook and she knows who you are in the cafe from the facebook message.  It could be uncomfortable for her when she sees you in the cafe looking at her, unless she was the one that gave you details so you could message her.

Maybe someone else on forum could help too.  I could be wrong in my opinion, so I apologise in advance, but good luck with your approach.

Hi and thanks for the reply! Yes, of course I believe the same with you. But she usually works behind the till point, so I can't talk to her. I don't have someone to bring us in direct contact and this is my fear too, that it will be awkward if she rejects me and I still continue going for coffee there. Yes, it's not the best indicator, however if you don't know someone which you like, it's the only no-creepy method to express your interest, in my opinion of course. I can't understand what you mean by "Is it a relaxed eye contact or a why is he looking at me eye contact."?

June 01, 2019, 04:08:52 PM
Reply #3
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Elliott


The eye contact thing, probably not the best way to tell anything.  I probably need to rephrase my question.  When you look at each other does her face or body language express being uncomfortable and she quickly turns her head away to break the eye contact.

Is it possible to tell another member of staff that you would like to also send a tip for her service directly to the person behind the till and maybe even try it a few time if possible.  She might approach you to say thank you else you can wave at her if you see her react to your tip and maybe a smile.

Or maybe just smile at her, see if she smiles back.

« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 04:14:04 PM by Elliott »
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pni_kDv9BsU

June 01, 2019, 04:27:12 PM
Reply #4
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Steve94


The eye contact thing, probably not the best way to tell anything.  I probably need to rephrase my question.  When you look at each other does her face or body language express being uncomfortable and she quickly turns her head away to break the eye contact.

Is it possible to tell another member of staff that you would like to also send a tip for her service directly to the person behind the till and maybe even try it a few time if possible.  She might approach you to say thank you else you can wave at her if you see her react to your tip and maybe a smile.

Or maybe just smile at her, see if she smiles back.

Allow me to tell you how that started. I'm a customer to this cafe for years and I noticed her about a month ago. She passed beside me and she was looking me. That was the spark that triggered it. Then after a few days, I went to buy a coffee. The cafe is small inside, when you go inside is the till point where you make your order and exactly behind it, is where they are making the coffees. I made my order and she was looking again me. By that I mean, it wasn't a looking just to know who came, but a looking for lots of seconds. Then another day I was walking and then she passed as co-driver. She just observed me like every person who passes the road and then she looked away after a second. I went to buy a coffee with a friend just to tell me if her lookings are just in my imagination or not, but he confirmed that she was looking me, however he wasn't able to understand a lot, because her movements were "mechanicals" as he said. She was making the coffees. Last time was yesterday, she was working at the till point and I crossed the street. If I understood correctly, she was just observing outside until she noticed me and she was looking me again until I started moving to cross the road and she turned her head and talked to her colleague.. Of course she maybe thinking "oh that guy again" or "is he watching me?". I really don't know, what do you believe? Also the smile you said is a nice idea..

June 01, 2019, 04:48:38 PM
Reply #5
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Elliott


Try the smile if she smiles back with a positive, then i think it would be fine to message her to say thank you for her wonderful smile and then you can chat more via message or ask to meet in the cafe to talk.  If you do get a negative via message then just apologise and that you do not intend to make her feel uncomfortable.

Best of luck, hope it works out.
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pni_kDv9BsU

June 01, 2019, 06:33:58 PM
Reply #6
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Steve94


From what I said to you, what do you understand though?

June 01, 2019, 08:51:06 PM
Reply #7
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Elliott


Apologies if i seem harsh, but i can only go on what you have said and try to build a picture of the scenario.

Quote
She passed beside me and she was looking me.  That was the spark that triggered it.

I think she just recognised you for being in the cafe on most days.

Quote
I made my order and she was looking again me. By that I mean, it wasn't a looking just to know who came, but a looking for lots of seconds.

Maybe look what she does with other male customers that come in.  Or you may be reading her wrong, unlike you she's their to work and has moments of looking at customers too long, maybe through boredom.

Quote
Then another day I was walking and then she passed as co-driver. She just observed me like every person who passes the road and then she looked away after a second

As you said she just observed you like any other person, can't read anything in to that.

Quote
I went to buy a coffee with a friend just to tell me if her lookings are just in my imagination or not, but he confirmed that she was looking me, however he wasn't able to understand a lot, because her movements were "mechanicals" as he said

Mechanical movement, again sounds like she just doing her job and a little bored.  Mechanical would indicate automated or stiff movements(robotic), so a unintentional look at a person for a few seconds could be giving off the wrong impression.

Quote
Last time was yesterday, she was working at the till point and I crossed the street. If I understood correctly, she was just observing outside until she noticed me and she was looking me again until I started moving to cross the road and she turned her head and talked to her colleague.. Of course she maybe thinking "oh that guy again" or "is he watching me?". I really don't know

Could be she's commented about you to the colleague or could be just a miss interpretation and she just said to her colleague, "what are you up to tomorrow" or something else work related.

I still would try the smile even a wave if she smiles back and see what reaction you get, but i can't read anything you described as her being interested.

Maybe next time you pass by her, if you get to cafe early so she has to walk in to cafe entrance maybe ask how she is? OR something related to the cafe.

Ultimately you really need to talk to her to get a better idea, you may need to take the plunge and try messaging her if you can't get to talk to her direct.




« Last Edit: June 01, 2019, 09:07:16 PM by Elliott »
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pni_kDv9BsU

June 01, 2019, 10:50:30 PM
Reply #8
Offline

Steve94


Apologies if i seem harsh, but i can only go on what you have said and try to build a picture of the scenario.

Quote
She passed beside me and she was looking me.  That was the spark that triggered it.

I think she just recognised you for being in the cafe on most days.

Quote
I made my order and she was looking again me. By that I mean, it wasn't a looking just to know who came, but a looking for lots of seconds.

Maybe look what she does with other male customers that come in.  Or you may be reading her wrong, unlike you she's their to work and has moments of looking at customers too long, maybe through boredom.

Quote
Then another day I was walking and then she passed as co-driver. She just observed me like every person who passes the road and then she looked away after a second

As you said she just observed you like any other person, can't read anything in to that.

Quote
I went to buy a coffee with a friend just to tell me if her lookings are just in my imagination or not, but he confirmed that she was looking me, however he wasn't able to understand a lot, because her movements were "mechanicals" as he said

Mechanical movement, again sounds like she just doing her job and a little bored.  Mechanical would indicate automated or stiff movements(robotic), so a unintentional look at a person for a few seconds could be giving off the wrong impression.

Quote
Last time was yesterday, she was working at the till point and I crossed the street. If I understood correctly, she was just observing outside until she noticed me and she was looking me again until I started moving to cross the road and she turned her head and talked to her colleague.. Of course she maybe thinking "oh that guy again" or "is he watching me?". I really don't know

Could be she's commented about you to the colleague or could be just a miss interpretation and she just said to her colleague, "what are you up to tomorrow" or something else work related.

I still would try the smile even a wave if she smiles back and see what reaction you get, but i can't read anything you described as her being interested.

Maybe next time you pass by her, if you get to cafe early so she has to walk in to cafe entrance maybe ask how she is? OR something related to the cafe.

Ultimately you really need to talk to her to get a better idea, you may need to take the plunge and try messaging her if you can't get to talk to her direct.

Good for you. I prefer a rough answer to a romantic one. I want you to know that I'm not trying to go against you or to offend you, I try to exclude every possible scenario in order to agree with your words. I really appreciate you help! And of course, I don't lie to you, I'm telling you how the things are. If I say lies, then I'm fooling myself. So let's get started.
As I said, your idea is amazing, so there is no point to mention it again. I'll smile her when I see her. Thanks for that! Although, I disagree with you on one thing. When someone likes another, they look him because they feel something for them. Not all, but the majority of us. So our cross-lookings, in my opinion of course, is something. We don't look each other for a second, but over 3-5 seconds except when she passed with the car. When she does "mechanical" movements and there are orders, why does she waste her time to look me? I forgot to mention that she works with her sister and there were 2-3 customers but she preferred to look me. The moments when these happened, the first was me and after some customers but she was looking me and the second, I was only with a friend of mine (he was outside although but she could clearly see him) and she was looking me.

June 01, 2019, 11:20:01 PM
Reply #9
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Elliott


Don't worry I'm of the age that being offended isn't really a thing and admitting I'm wrong isn't an issue for me, back in the AOL, 56k modem chat rooms/bulletin boards(late 1990's and early 2000's) were very rough. Many times I've lol'd at people on line because they were triggered. 

I think i have exhausted my opinions and from what you say i think your confident enough and assessed the situation enough to just go for it how you see fit.

Would be cool to get more peoples opinions, might help out others on this forum.

Life is short so, "strike while the iron is hot"

Again best of luck, and good luck for future.
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pni_kDv9BsU

June 06, 2019, 07:50:39 PM
Reply #10
Offline

Steve94


Don't worry I'm of the age that being offended isn't really a thing and admitting I'm wrong isn't an issue for me, back in the AOL, 56k modem chat rooms/bulletin boards(late 1990's and early 2000's) were very rough. Many times I've lol'd at people on line because they were triggered. 

I think i have exhausted my opinions and from what you say i think your confident enough and assessed the situation enough to just go for it how you see fit.

Would be cool to get more peoples opinions, might help out others on this forum.

Life is short so, "strike while the iron is hot"

Again best of luck, and good luck for future.

After lots of advice, I managed to gather as much courage I could and I added on facebook. Unfortunately for me, from all people I talked to, only you were right. You said it doesn't mean something etc.

July 06, 2019, 09:11:33 PM
Reply #11
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1SolAtaTime84


I understand how difficult it can be to talk to a woman.

Women like a man they can talk to. Copy and paste the URL below where you’ll be directed to an intermediate site and can watch the best advice video on how to talk to a woman without running out of things to say.

https://dausel.co/Dm0UcE

This “How to” on talking to women is one of the most clear cut, insightful, and simple educational videos I’ve found for advice in the dating world.

July 07, 2019, 06:49:46 AM
Reply #12
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Plstellme


Go for it man, no harm in trying.

 

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