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Author Topic: A difficult situation

November 08, 2019, 02:45:24 AM
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Dibbity


Looking for advice here...

. I have met a lovely girl and we have dated for about 3 months, but I sense she was holding back.

She tells me recently that she is just out of a relationship and that she plans to go travelling, for anywhere up to 2 years or beyond. Her travel date is set around 9 months from now.

I asked her about this and whether this is all headed to a dead end, and she said she was keeping an open mind, saying I could come with her or we could do long distance.

Later when i emphasized the difficulties of coming she said she couldnt do long distance and she wasnt ready yet to be in a relationship. She also said she didnt think time would change this.

She is a great girl and I feel amazing around her, experiencing a chemistry that is unmatched, it just feels right. However, I feel so tentative about many things: firstly, we have been dating for 3 months and she doesn’t feel ready to be “in a relationship” yet, despite wanting to spend all her time with me and doesn’t wanna see other people.

Secondly, she has these travel plans which seem to be non-compromisable. For example, she could wait for me 18 months and we could go together without me sacrificing my career.

There are 2 questions here: firstly, how do I manage this? If I continue to spend time with her it very well may develop into something and she may compromise or we will figure out how to make it work. However, this may end in heartbreak and more wasted time (which I could spend with another). She also may perpetually be “not ready for a relationship”.

 

secondly, do I compromise for her (certainly not before I get a commitment): this would mean putting my career back and costing me around 15 grand to become a doctor overseas. The money may be good but I wonder if I’d ever be willing to make that commitment.

i cannot emphasise enough the strength of these feelings, the connection is amazing, but these circumstances are very tough.

 

any advice would be appreciated,

 

 

thank you

 

November 08, 2019, 12:04:40 PM
Reply #1
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Captain Black


This is just my view of things

IMO she isn't ready for another relationship . She has just come out of one so the timing is too soon . She hasn't had chance to "dry out" yet. The last thing you would want is to get somebody because they are just on the rebound . Her emotions are likely to be a little over the place at the moment . From my own experience when I ended an engagement , I needed around 12 months before I wanted to start dating again and the next person I dated became my wife and still with her after 30 years.

So patience could be the key. I woudln't sacrifice your career as I think its something you could regret later in life. For now just let her go and keep it as a possible long distance relationship and see how things develop .

November 08, 2019, 10:04:04 PM
Reply #2
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Dibbity


This is just my view of things

IMO she isn't ready for another relationship . She has just come out of one so the timing is too soon . She hasn't had chance to "dry out" yet. The last thing you would want is to get somebody because they are just on the rebound . Her emotions are likely to be a little over the place at the moment . From my own experience when I ended an engagement , I needed around 12 months before I wanted to start dating again and the next person I dated became my wife and still with her after 30 years.

So patience could be the key. I woudln't sacrifice your career as I think its something you could regret later in life. For now just let her go and keep it as a possible long distance relationship and see how things develop .

Thanks, would u just see how it goes even if there’s a chance I’ll waste 9 months, get attached and could be spending time with someone else?

 

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