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Author Topic: Should I tell him how I feel?

September 08, 2019, 06:31:00 PM
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I apologize for the long post. Please bear with me.

So this guy and I met on a dating site about 2 months ago. At the time I was still in my hometown, getting ready to move to the state he lives in (not to be with him, this move was planned before we met). So we texted every day for a month straight until I finally moved. Then about a week after I got here, we met up. We still talk every day and see each other a few times a week, he works 3 jobs so he doesn't have a lot of free time. I feel a real connection with him and we have so much fun together. So far he's everything I've been looking for in a partner.

The problem is that he has said he's not looking for a relationship right now, but he did mention that if it feels right and it happens organically, that he may be open to one. He is seeing other women and he's very open and honest about it. He tells me about the women he's seeing and whatnot. He sees me most often. I feel that he has feelings for me. When we're just sitting together sometimes he'll just stare into my eyes with this loving look. He's talked about things he wants for the future with me and how he'd like to raise his future children, never saying that he wants those things with me, but I feel like him mentioning these things is a good sign. He's always suggesting things for us to do together, although we rarely ever do them because we usually only see each other later at night after he gets off work. He rarely ever makes plans with me though. It's always me suggesting that we hang out, which is probably my fault. I have a problem with letting go of control and letting things happen as they happen. Obviously...

At first I was okay with the seeing other people thing, but I've definitely caught feelings for him and I would like to pursue something more. I am considering expressing my feelings to him.

He got out of a 7 year relationship about 9 months ago and has had a few short relationships after, where the woman always leaves him for some reason or another.

The most recent one left him out of the blue after things were just getting pretty serious. I think this has a lot to do with him not wanting to be in a relationship. He's afraid he's going to get attached and then being left again.

One ex particular is back in his life but he's not interested in getting back together with her. She keeps pushing him and pretty much begging him to take her back and he's very turned off and annoyed by it. This is why I'm hesitant about expressing my feelings to him. I don't want to freak him out and push him away. But I feel like I can't keep this up anymore. Him dating other women has been giving me severe anxiety, and I think it's just my own insecurity and fear that he'll find someone he likes better than me.

Is it too soon to even bring this up? I feel like we know each other pretty well by now so we both should know if the relationship is going to progress. Will expressing my feelings prevent it from happening organically? I just don't want to waste my time and energy on something that isn't going to happen. I'm almost 30 and I feel the pressure!

I feel like I've been pretty obvious in how much I like him, but I have also been seeing other men in an attempt to not get too attached. Clearly that worked out so well haha. But maybe he has no idea and needs to be told straight up how I feel. He may feel the same way but he doesn't think I feel it too.

Anyway!! Thanks for reading my painfully long post. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!

January 11, 2020, 08:33:59 PM
Reply #1


You should follow your gut and tell him. Be honest about how you feel.

February 16, 2020, 04:05:51 PM
Reply #2


I don't believe in holding the truth back.


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