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Author Topic: Looking for some advice of if/when/what to text back...

May 05, 2020, 04:58:30 AM
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My Wonderful Days - 4 May 2020

Looking for some advice of if/when/what to text back

Tl;dr two good dates, lockdown, communication to a halt, (what) do I message? How long do I give her to "think about the situation".


M (33), F (34). Two good dates, kissed on the second with her feeling comfortable enough to share something really personal with me. We messaged every day, for often more than an hour. We spoke on the phone and Skyped a dozen times. All with anticipation that we’d meet up for a third date when she got back from a 10 day trip to South America. Then she flew back into countrywide COVID lockdown.

The messaging was intense from the start... 5000+ messages in 4 weeks! I’d experimented with trying to break the daily communication when she went on holiday but it didn’t seem to go down well.

Mid-lockdown, things were getting too me a bit much for me with the daily communication, with everybody in my friendship circles. My world (like everyone else’s) was turned upside down with everything closing, losing my freedom and my lifestyle. I needed a few days break from WhatsApp, Skype etc, communication with everybody. I needed to disconnect from the addiction and screen-time for a couple of days so I turned off my mobile data. I’d wanted to have a telephone conversation with her for about 7 days prior to see if she wanted to continue virtual dating and getting to know each other remotely (the best we have at this time!), or shelve what we had and catch up again when we’re free from lockdown and see where we both ‘were’. The opportunity didn’t present. I turned my data off but decided to call her to have a conversation about it. I called once on 15/4 but she didn’t answer. When I turned my data back on on 18/4, I received these messages https://imgur.com/a/J2a3sc3

I did a VN back (I’d rather she heard my voice and tone rather than just text language) and explained why her messages hadn’t delivered, that I needed some time to myself grieving a loss, and said as I had a number of times, that I didn’t want to add any extra pressure and that it wasn’t necessary to text everyday if she wasn’t feeling great. I ended the note saying a won’t message anymore (in a nice tone of voice so as it wasn’t perceived as dismissive which it could easily have done by text).

The next text I received was about a week later, simply “hope you and your family are well”. It was nice to see her notification again. I replied equally simply that I was good and that I hoped she was too :). I haven’t had my phone on much in the last 10 days but don’t believe I’ve heard from her since.

My equilibrium and balance of life has been interrupted during COVID. My anxiety’s been a little elevated with more time to dwell and think than usual; it’s thrown my radar off a little as to what best to do and I’m arguing with myself.

Thoughts and advice welcome :)

July 20, 2020, 02:43:45 AM
Reply #1


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