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Author Topic: Faded and rejected by long distance love interest. Did I do anything wrong?

April 02, 2020, 02:32:06 PM
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I’ve been living in my head thinking about what went wrong with this woman I’ve fallen for.

We first met back in mid-2018, connected briefly, then went back to our respective countries which are on opposite sides of the world. We stayed in touch and met once again at the end of the year when I travelled to her country.

During the second half of 2019, we got in touch again and started text almost every day and have occasional scheduled calls. While we still lived far away, I felt there was a connection between us and the conversations have always been… natural, raw and personal. As we grew closer, I picked up the courage to do things that I hoped would show how I felt, such as sending her a gift on her birthday, which she seemed to love. I’ve been honest about how I thought she was special and amazing - although I never said “I like you”.

Then, we met again in Christmas 2019 when I travelled to her place again. At this point, I started to really like her but was unsure of what would happen with the distance - and the fact that there’s no chance of us moving closer to each other in the next 2 years at least. We went out a few times and had the best time. I did what I thought would show how I felt - flowers, gifts with handwritten notes, picked up the tabs and planned the dates to her liking. By this point, it was clear that both of us really enjoyed each other’s company. She has always been receptive of my advances and said she had lovely time with me, asked me to visit often.

I was still hesitant to tell her outright I liked her, as I was still hoping there would come a day in which we’ll live in the same city together, and I’d stand a better chance then. Throughout our interaction, I've felt she's not the type who could do a long-distance. I was trying to make an arrangement in which I would live closer to her for a few months mid-year and wanted to use the momentum to tell her then.

Anyway, after returning home, we still texted. I did a couple more things to keep keep the “sparks”, e.g. sending flowers to her office, which she said she liked!

However, several weeks in, things turned different. After she came back from a trip to visit her parents, her schedules had turned busy with work and other commitments, and she started responding less. I didn’t have any reason to believe that she didn’t want to speak with me - everything was going well just before that. I didn’t hear back for a couple of weeks, couldn’t call her. Finally managed to hear back. She said she’d been hectic so wasn’t able to text anymore. I was surprised so decided to tell her outright how I felt. She then said she just wanted to be friends and saw me as a friend/brother figure and that she doesn't want me to waste my effort/time. I was surprised because she never referred to me as a "friend".

I've been replaying this to figure out if there was anything I could have done to save the situation. Or is trying to build a relationship someone you barely know long-distance a lost cause from the beginning?
Tl;dr Faded by and turned down by a woman I went out a few times with, texted daily for months. Wondering if I did anything wrong!

April 04, 2020, 06:04:18 AM
Reply #1


Honestly, I think you both did the right things : you told her how you feel and she told you how he felt:  it won't be possible and don't waste any more time on this relationship romantically.

You didn't do anything wrong, you tried to see if it this relationship could go somewhere and you clearly show it. I think it's great you respected your feelings and decide to act on them. Franckly, good on you. 
"Or is trying to build a relationship someone you barely know long-distance a lost cause from the beginning?" : I don't think it's impossible, it's demand two people who are ready to commit and love each other through the distance. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
"if there was anything I could have done to save the situation": you did your best mate! You've been honest like I said!

Wish you the best!

Live. Just live.

April 08, 2020, 05:46:26 AM
Reply #2


It sounds like she told her parents about you and they told her to break it off!!?? Just a theory.

I maybe would have done less in your situation. I found that sometimes you have to let a girl wonder about you. Maybe let her come to your country on occasion.

 This is obviously tough in a long-distance relationship. I found that less is more and letting a girl think you have other options other than her makes her more attracted to you. But you say she was receptive. So maybe she felt she had to rip the band-aid off so that she wouldn't have to wait for you two to live in the same country.



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