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Author Topic: Should I feel pity for my dad or get angry?

July 18, 2018, 04:31:03 AM
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My dad and mom had been separated since I was five years old. When I started schooling, my mom decided to work abroad for my finances. She went to a foreign country to support my needs. My dad on the other hand, is just fooling around. By the time that I graduated and got myself a job, he always asks for money. He does not have a stable job, so that’s why. One time, it was my birthday. He came to my grandma’s house to surprise me with his presence. I understand that he wasn’t able to bring anything because he doesn’t have a job. When he asked me for money again on my birthday, I felt bad. He said he’s already working as a construction worker and that he needed money for allowance. As a daughter, I gave him money that can suffice until his next payday. I don’t know if I should feel angry or pitiful for him. I mean, he should have worked hard for himself rather than fooling around with some of his friends. For almost 17 years, he was like that. It does not mean he won’t work at all just because I give him money whenever he asks.

July 29, 2018, 07:31:19 PM
Reply #1


What a hard position to be in. We tend to do anything for our parents, don't we? I don't think you need to necessarily pity him OR be angry with him...the general tone I got from your post was one of disappointment. You love him and want him to do well, so it's a letdown that he hasn't. And whether or not to keep giving him money is a conundrum.

It's probably hard to ask since he's your dad, but do you know that he uses his money (when he has it) responsibly? Can you help him in a way other than giving him cash - by buying him groceries or paying a phone bill, maybe? He may resist at first, but at some point you'll have to let him know that you're only willing to continue helping if he's also helping himself. You clearly grew up well - it's time for him to grow up a little too. Tough love, you might say. Not saying that it would be easy, but otherwise, nothing is likely to change.
<3 ~ Happily Married 17 Years ~ <3

July 29, 2018, 09:26:12 PM
Reply #2


Pardon me for being frank but I had seen your father's attitude in my brothers' style when it comes to opportunities. Yeah, your dad is an opportunist and a certified bum. I don't think it's too late to teach him a lesson but the bitter pill should be prescribed - never give him anything so he will fend for himself. As I said, some of my 8 brothers are like that and some have changed ways when my parents and sisters stopped helping them. As long as they see that there is opportunity, they will not work but just depend. That is still the situation with my youngest brother who is living with my eldest sister. He works as a family driver of a neighbor but he doesn't give money to my sister. Worse, he has a wife and 2 daughters who are being taken care of by my eldest sister. That brother of mine is a free-loader and would only change if my sister would stop providing help.

July 31, 2018, 12:15:20 PM
Reply #3


I understand now why your mom decided to divorce your dad, he is an irresponsible man. I think you should stop giving him money, maybe he will become responsible for its life.

August 05, 2018, 10:13:21 AM
Reply #4


This is a very sad situation. None of us can tell what you should do. It's all up to your decision. But I can tell you that giving someone money is only a temporary solution. They have to find ways to support themselves or else you'll be doing it for an indefinite amount of time.