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Author Topic: She can't accept that she's adopted. How to console her?

September 19, 2018, 10:17:37 AM
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boyfriend143


My girlfriend just found out that her dad isn’t her real dad. Her biological mom cheated on her adoptive father and left her in his care. According to her dad’s journal, her mom just up and left when she was barely a year old. She confirmed this with her maternal aunt and grandmother to which they didn't deny. They said that her mom wasn’t the best wife, nor was she the best mother. I understand that this is hard for her to accept especially with the recent passing of her adoptive father.

She says she feels like a different person, someone she doesn’t even know. She’s very grateful for all that her dad did, but a part of her still wants answers. Why did her mom leave? Who is her real father? Her whole life, she was deprived of the truth. The recent changes makes her feel like a foreign individual in the home that she grew up in. How do I console my gf? I want to be there for her but I don’t know how.










September 25, 2018, 09:13:09 AM
Reply #1

goodevening


My girlfriend just found out that her dad isn’t her real dad. Her biological mom cheated on her adoptive father and left her in his care. According to her dad’s journal, her mom just up and left when she was barely a year old. She confirmed this with her maternal aunt and grandmother to which they didn't deny. They said that her mom wasn’t the best wife, nor was she the best mother. I understand that this is hard for her to accept especially with the recent passing of her adoptive father.

She says she feels like a different person, someone she doesn’t even know. She’s very grateful for all that her dad did, but a part of her still wants answers. Why did her mom leave? Who is her real father? Her whole life, she was deprived of the truth. The recent changes makes her feel like a foreign individual in the home that she grew up in. How do I console my gf? I want to be there for her but I don’t know how.

I have never been in this situation before but I can imagine that it's really difficult.
If that happened to me, I'd be obsessing over my real family and what they look like, etc.
But she needs to remember that her (real) mother made that choice and her actions resulted in this happening.

You need to be there for her around this tough time and support her in whatever she wants to do moving forward.

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do, which is the difficult part!

 

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