There has been a lot of discussion on our relationship forum recently in regards to how cheating affects a relationship, and coming from experience, being cheated on can be one of the most crippling events to ever happen to you. The act of cheating greatly disrupts their loyalty and respect for you, and you may even start to question to why they cheated on you, which can truly drive you up the wall as you’ll start to raise negativity about yourself. Some even report having dreams about their partner cheating, as they’re becoming insecure.
It’s not a nice experience, at all, and I do hope you haven’t been cheated on and it’s the reason that you’re reading this blog post on how to tell if your other half is cheating on you in the first place! As the forum has raised a lot of questions on cheating in general, and it seems as if a few of our users are concerned, we’re going to discuss how to tell if your partner has cheated, and other ways to tell if your partner is cheating. We’re sneaky buggers, huh? But all for a good reason.
To help our members, as we have seen an increase in forum chat for the following queries in our relationship breakup advice forum, we have decided to contain our thoughts and tips in this post.
- find out if your partner is cheating
- signs your partner is cheating
- how to tell if your partner is cheating
- how to know if your partner is cheating
- is your partner cheating on you
- is my partner cheating?
- how to tell if partner cheating
Signs Of A Cheating Partner In A Relationship
Have they become increasingly more busy and unavailable?
It’s not an easy one to identify, but if your partner is cheating, then they will a snail trail of hidden secrets that may or may not be obvious, you’ll also start to notice a change in their mood, attitude and agenda. If they’re doing the dirty and seeing someone else, they won’t be free as much and they may be staying behind at work, otherwise, they won’t be free as much on the weekends as they used to be. A change in schedule is a strong indicator that you are no longer their priority and that they’re incorporating other events/people into their plans.
Do they have new hobbies and activities to do – that don’t involve you?
Are they becoming less reliant on you? Do they enjoy doing other things that they didn’t use to enjoy? Do you find that their priorities are different and that you’re no longer of importance? The reason we say this is because if your partner is cheating, their focus will be on the person that they’re cheating on you with, as they’re clearly into them more than they’re into you. They will enjoy spending time with them, speaking to them and getting to know them more, they will take every opportunity to reach out to this person.
Have they started to use sex toys for pleasure?
An odd but interesting sign could be that your partner has started to use sex toys, which may be because they no longer feel sexually satisfied when engaging in sexual activity with you. As a result, they use sex toys. This is an especially interesting sign if you find their sex toy without them telling you that they purchased one. The number of sex toy retailers are on the increase and people’s perception of sex toys aren’t as negative as they used to be, the industry is growing faster than ever and being able to obtain access to sex toys is becoming easier.
Are they becoming protective over their phone and won’t let you use it?
Have you noticed that they have been very protective over their phone and won’t let you use it? This is another indicator that they may be cheating on you, as they have most likely been texting the other person and don’t want you to read the messages, hence the insecurity. I noticed a similar trait in someone that I used to date, and I was curious for a while, then I did actually find out that she was cheating. It’s a bad red alarm in my books if your partner is insecure about allowing you on her phone. I understand that everyone likes their privacy, but there is a big difference between being secretive and having your own privacy.
Have they not been wanting to have sex with you?
Sex is also another good indicator, and if you have noticed that your man/woman aren’t engaging in sexual activity with you as much, it could be because they’re getting it elsewhere and don’t feel the need to have sex with you. It may also make them feel weird that they’re having sex with multiple people back and forth, some even say in our relationship advice for women forum that in severe cheating cases, they could even feel as if they’re cheating on their new fling, even though they’re cheating on you!
Have they started to stay late after work?
This is another unusual but obvious sign, and they may claim that they’re job is becoming more stressful, hence the reasoning behind why they’re staying on late. It could be that they are staying late because this is the only chance that they can spend with their new lover, without being in the open world and being found out by their colleagues.
Cheating at work is a difficult one, because you may not ever find out about it, which is extremely scary and it can go on for several months, or even years. If you’re curious then I would look out for possible signs that your partner may be having a thing with someone at work, below are some signs that your partner may be cheating on you at work:
- Your partner is staying on late at work, and they weren’t ever working late before;
- They start to speak regularly about their work colleagues, and in particular a certain person of the opposite sex a lot;
- They suddenly have the urge to leave the company for no reason, this is because they may have cheated already and understood that they made a mistake, hence the quick entry.
- Is he using his work phone a lot for texting and messaging, more than he normally would?
- Do they spend more time to improve their appearance? Do they suddenly care more about how they look before going to work?
Are you starting to feel lonely and unloved?
This sounds like a strange one, but if your other half is being distant then you may start to feel lonely because you aren’t receiving the affection and attention that you once did. If you start to feel this way then something could be up, which may not necessarily mean that they’re cheating you, it most certainly demonstrates that something in the relationship isn’t right.
I have heard of relationship counsellers asking their clients to express their relationship using love language, these languages being a way of expressing their love to their partners, and how they show intimacy. If your relationship doesn’t have any intimacy or has dramatically decreased, this could be raising an alarm.
Is your partner a sex addict?
Before your relationship problems and issues, was your partner a sex addict? Did they enjoy having sex regularly with you? If so, and sex has ended full stop, it may be that they’re receiving it elsewhere, hence why they aren’t relying on your to deliver this for them. An affair can commonly be linked to problems with sexually addictive behaviour, and if your partner craves sex and having the need to release their desires or feelings, this may result in them cheating on you.
Have they forgotten the small details?
When someone is cheating on you, their priorities are elsewhere, and you would be surprised at what they can forget. Even the small details like when your anniversary is, your birthday and the plans that you had scheduled in the calendar. You will no longer become a priority and the small details can easily be forgotten. The cheating girlfriend/boyfriend that used to prepare months ahead of schedule for your birthday or upcoming anniversary, may actually have completely forgotten these details. If you have noticed a lack of interest or they’re very forgetful, this could be a sign that your partner is cheating.
Have they become obsessive about what you’re doing?
You may be thinking … surely it’s the other way round? Not really. The cheating partner will be curious to what you’re doing and what you have planned in your calendar, as they may be able to take advantage of the time that you’re away to meet up with the person they’re cheating on you with. It’s a secretive event and they can’t have you finding out, hence why they would need to make these plans whilst you’re away, or unavailable. If you suddenly cancel a plan which would mean that you can spend time together, do they react negatively, or are they the loving partner that would appreciate being able to spend extra time with you? If they aren’t happy about it, this could be a serious sign that they may have other plans that they now need to cancel.
As they’re in the wrong, they may even start accusing you of cheating or speaking to people that you shouldn’t to distract you away from the main concern. In some cases, as they are doing the dirty with someone else, they will start to feel insecure about themselves because they think that you’re probably cheating to. Have you noticed a change in mood in your partner?
Your gut is telling you something
This is most certainly a sign which you shouldn’t ignore, as when you do get cheated on, the saying is that you should’ve listened to your gut. I believe that as humans we’re all physiologically connected, more than we think and that we’re all in some way or form similar. A gut sign to me is a very important sign and one that I take seriously, if something is up, you’ll know about it. If your relationship hasn’t been working recently and you have received warning signs that your relationship is becoming unhealthy, your gut may be right.
I think my partner is cheating on me, what do I do?
1) You need to remain calm because it isn’t official yet and you don’t know this for certain. It is just speculation on your side until you know for definite (if you do ever find out). You need to try and not make any major decisions whilst you’re distraught, and to take time out to reflect your relationship with this person and to identify if there are any other issues besides this one. If you do approach your partner whilst you’re upset, then you may make a decision that you will regret, you need to be certain on your decision.
2) You will be very upset and your emotions will be all over the place. This is normal, especially when you believe that your partner has been unfaithful. You may have feelings of shock, rage, agitation, uncertainty, depression, anxiety, confusion, fear and the worst: pain. You will need to accept that your emotions will be on a roller coaster ride for the next couple months, and in some cases, years. This is normal, you just need to ensure that you look after your self during this time, you will get over it and move forward.
3) Look after yourself. Loosing a loved one can in some cases, can be worse than grieving from a death. Everyone goes through heartbreak at some stage in their life, and as well as having physiological symptoms of depression and anxiety, you may have physical symptoms to such as shakiness, nausea, diarrhoea, insomnia and not wanting to eat anything.
4) Stick to your schedule. When you’re coping with infidelity, you need to ensure that you stick to your original schedule and that you try to move on with your life. Continue going to work with a brave smile, attend school, go out with your friends, eat healthy foods, sleep regular hours, drink plenty of water, exercise each day and more importantly: have fun.
5) Keep yourself busy. You need to ensure that you keep yourself busy to hold your self back from thinking about your cheating partner, over-thinking will only cause more problems and there aren’t any positives from doing this. You will keep over-thinking until you run yourself into the ground, don’t do it.
6) Laugh. It’s okay to laugh during this time of infidelity, spend some time with your friends, watch some movies, go out and smile. Life is a roller coaster of emotions and life will continue.
7) Reach out to your support group. In this moment of infidelity, it is important to surround yourself with positive people that make you happy. You need to reach out to close and past friends to ask for support. Planning days out with your friends, family and loved ones will help keep yourself distracted, and keep the negative thoughts away.
8) Resist the urge for escalation or revenge. This is an important one to note, as when we have been hurt by another person’s actions, we tend to lean towards emotional revenge, it’s quite possibly the worse thing you can do. It isn’t often that someone gets physical revenge, as this isn’t the right approach at all, and can leave you in some serious trouble, however, some decide to take emotional revenge, in an attempt to ‘get back’ at the cheater and give them a taste of their own medicine.
By doing this, not only are you making yourself look like a fool and negatively impacting your self-esteem, but it won’t do you any favours, as you’ll just end up being hurt again. If you’re feeling the act of revenge, you need to sit back, relax and take a breath before you do something that’s irreversible. I personally let karma do the work for me.
9) Watch your actions on social media. When we’re stressed, upset or worried, we tend to lean towards posting on social media to post our thoughts, in the hope that we receive feedback and support from others. This may be done via a Facebook status, or an image that reflects how you’re feeling on Instagram, some may even post a vague picture or emotional status. Before doing this, you really need to think about the positives and also the negatives by doing this, as you really don’t want the whole world knowing what you’re going through, and that you have been cheated on. You may be thinking that the whole world and all of your friends need to be aware of the emotional trauma you’re currently going through, and that you’re ex is a nasty cheater that deserves abuse, but many people come to regret their decisions that they make on social because they aren’t ready.
You need to give yourself time and space before revealing the story, as you and your (now) ex may share the same friends, contacts and relationships as you do. I’m not saying that you need to act as if nothing has happened, and to pursue a fake persona on your social profile, as this would be wrong, but just don’t make a public decision that you will lead to regret. Take a break from social media and give yourself time and space.
10) When you’re ready, block your ex from social. This all depends on the current situation and whether you have resolved/ended things on a positive note. If you haven’t and you’re still very distraught, seeing posts and photos of your ex on social media won’t help, as you’ll be constantly reminded of what they are up too. Some social sites, especially Facebook, will recommend to block your ex once you have broken up, from my experience, after it’s system has detected that I am no longer in a relationship with them, it asks if I’d like to block them temporarily. This helps the grieving process and to give yourself space and time, I’d highly recommend it, it will help you move forward.
11) Take it one day at a time. When you’re grieving from a past relationship, you need to ensure that you give yourself time and that you take one day at a time. It will be difficult to continue your everyday routine without the one that you love, and you may come across moments of remembrance, especially when you go to places that you used to go together or do things that made you both happy. e.g eating out with your friend at a restaurant that used to be both you and your partners favourite. You may recall where you sat, what you ate and the laughs that you had, these will slowly but surely become old memories and as you move forward, new and exciting memories will develop.
12) It’s not worth playing the blaming game. It’s not worth the stress blaming your ex, the damage has been done and it’s best to just move forward, arguing and pointing fingers won’t achieve anything but negativity. If your partner cheated on you, or things didn’t work out, the chances are the relationship hasn’t been working for a while. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and the chances are, it may have been that it just wasn’t quite right.
13) If you’re struggling, consider counselling. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with this, and it’s a shame because when your confidence is knocked and genuinely hurt, speaking to someone about your problems is the best thing you can do. If you do genuinely feel very upset and you’re struggling to move forward, you need to consider counselling to help get your life back on track.
14) If you have children, you may need to reassure them. Sometimes our children can notice an issue miles off, and they may see you acting differently due to the tension with your other half. If you aren’t spending as much time with your ex then you were, your child may pick up on this and start asking questions. During this time of infidelity, you may need to reassure your children that you’ll be OK, as they may start to worry.
If your child hasn’t noticed a change, don’t feel as if you need to tell them immediately, give yourself time and let them know when you’re ready.
15) You need to be aware that you may have post-traumatic stress (PTSD). This may seem like this is an overreaction, but it’s perfectly normal to have a certain level of PTSD when dealing with a breakup, especially if things ended all of a sudden. You may experience flashbacks, nightmares, repetitive and distressing sensations, physical sensations, depression and anxiety. You just need to ensure that it doesn’t get out of hand and that you seek medical attention when you require it. It may take you a couple of weeks or months to get over the event.
16) It will take time to get over your ex. This will be a hard one to swallow, especially if you had such a great relationship with your ex (well, you thought) but it’s true, it will take some time to get over your ex. Everyone is different and it all depends on the length of time that you were in a relationship with them for, however, normally, it can take weeks to a couple of months, for some, the feeling of affection may be around for years. If you understand that the process takes times and you work towards moving on with your life, the process will be much easier and in time, you will get over your ex, or at least your heartbreak won’t be as bad as it once was.