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Author Topic: Trans friend got stood up

January 07, 2019, 02:10:49 AM
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ender644


First off I'm sure whether to say he or she when I'm talking about them, so any advice there would be appreciated.

My gay friend transitioned into a women and keeps getting stood up by guys. She is saying that she's tired of not being worth it or worthy enough to put any effort into a relationship and that she just want's to shut of her humanity and emotions. Tired of feeling. I want to help and I'm hoping that I gave good advice. What do you all think?

I responded:

"If your going through hell keep going, it'll make you stronger in the end. Just don't let it shut down your emotions though or you won't be ready when something good comes along. Besides if you bottle them up sooner or later you'll explode. Also stop telling yourself that your not worth it, you are and you deserve to be loved. If these guys can't see it then that's their fault. Trust me, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to not feel anything. That's why I quit drinking, it was just easier to be numb, but that doesn't help it just puts anything your feeling off till later. You need to feel what your going through emotionally so you can work through it. Otherwise it will just weigh you down more and more, and you don't need to carry that on your shoulders. You have to feel it and move past it for closure. If you need a friend I'm free we can hangout and talk this out."

January 08, 2019, 05:34:00 PM
Reply #1
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Staff

Forum Staff
First off I'm sure whether to say he or she when I'm talking about them, so any advice there would be appreciated.

My gay friend transitioned into a women and keeps getting stood up by guys. She is saying that she's tired of not being worth it or worthy enough to put any effort into a relationship and that she just want's to shut of her humanity and emotions. Tired of feeling. I want to help and I'm hoping that I gave good advice. What do you all think?

I responded:

"If your going through hell keep going, it'll make you stronger in the end. Just don't let it shut down your emotions though or you won't be ready when something good comes along. Besides if you bottle them up sooner or later you'll explode. Also stop telling yourself that your not worth it, you are and you deserve to be loved. If these guys can't see it then that's their fault. Trust me, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to not feel anything. That's why I quit drinking, it was just easier to be numb, but that doesn't help it just puts anything your feeling off till later. You need to feel what your going through emotionally so you can work through it. Otherwise it will just weigh you down more and more, and you don't need to carry that on your shoulders. You have to feel it and move past it for closure. If you need a friend I'm free we can hangout and talk this out."

That advice was good @ender644, very thoughtful.

I'm not an expert on the subject matter but is he letting the people know that hes a transgender before they meet?
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

January 09, 2019, 03:52:01 AM
Reply #2
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ender644


@Staff
Yeah he's always up front about it. Just talking to assholes I guess.

January 14, 2019, 07:46:01 PM
Reply #3
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missg


@Staff
Yeah he's always up front about it. Just talking to assholes I guess.

How did your trans friend respond to your message @ender644 ?

January 15, 2019, 02:52:51 AM
Reply #4
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ender644


@missg
He's still pretty upset about it and drinking a lot. Not doing well.

January 23, 2019, 03:51:20 PM
Reply #5
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Staff

Forum Staff
@missg
He's still pretty upset about it and drinking a lot. Not doing well.

You need to try and be there for him as much as possible @ender644 - sorry to hear he's going through a rough time. :(
Your friendly neighborhood moderator.=)

May 06, 2019, 11:32:37 PM
Reply #6
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thomasjgillispie


Definitely need to be there for your friend

May 08, 2019, 06:45:20 PM
Reply #7
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Lakrisal


I agree that it was good advice, but it still might take a good long while before your friend can truly believe what you told her.
Going through a transition is tough work, both physically and emotionally, and she might really be struggling with the experience. Try to both show and tell her that you're there for her, and maybe try to ask if there are ways in which you can help (as her friend) to make things a little easier on her.

As for pronouns, trans women (people who were assigned male gender at birth but transition into female) often want for others to use female pronouns when talking about them. If your friend has asked you to call them by female pronouns (she/her), then please do! If she has not asked/told you, then you should definitely ask her. It'll make for a lot less confusion, and I'm sure she appreciates it if her friends use her pronouns and preferred name correctly.

I realise it's been several months since you asked your question, but I'm hoping your friend is feeling better now and that things have improved!

 

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