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Author Topic: Will my ex come back?

October 10, 2019, 10:26:04 AM
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cace123


Hello, so my ex and I had been dating for coming up to 2 years and suddenly he’s gone back to university which is far from where I am studying and he started giving me a cold shoulder. I kept getting hot and cold from him. This went on for 3 weeks which I kept on asking him ‘why has the effort changed?’, ‘why can’t you FaceTime me?’, and he kept on making excuses constantly. He kept on saying that he can’t come down to visit this weekend due to having to do coursework this weekend. Like it seemed like he was just avoiding me. So after the first week I asked for a break, he agreed and we left it for a few days and both agreed we need to work harder if we want this to work. Then the following week there wasn’t any change, I felt like I was the only one really wanting it to work. So he was saying things like ‘I don’t particularly want to come down this weekend, I’ve got a lot to do’, so that triggered me to voice my opinion and bring up the whole ‘you need to make effort if you want this to work’. So he kept saying he felt pressurised to go on FaceTime and make effort, I felt manipulated, because I was just a girlfriend that was curious on what was going on. It felt like his intention was to push me away. He made me believe that I was to blame to, so now he wanted a break for the weekend. I agreed as he said that ‘I don’t know if being together is the best thing’. I begged on the phone that day that he didn’t end it, I wish I didn’t beg because I know that’s what usually pushes men further away, but I love him and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Then a few days go by, he phoned me saying the decision he’s made. He said that he’s been speaking to his mother about it and that it is best to finish things. He said that he wants to do Camp America so we won’t have a summer together, he might want to study abroad and he knew that i’d struggle with that. Like so much stuff came out that he’s not communicated to me about before. I compromised with him and said ‘okay, I’ve had time to reflect as well. I know we won’t be able to FaceTime every night like last year, I never want you not socialising with your friends and not going out and doing things you enjoy. If you want to do those things and they’ll help to go on your cv then I don’t want you turning opportunities down. I’m going to quit my weekend job soon so I can come up and visit you when you are busy.’ He agreed that giving it another shot was the better option, we decided that if it didn’t work out this time then we will mutually finish things. The few days after it was all the exact same! He would make excuses to not go on FaceTime because he’s tired when he’d be having a chilled night in, so I tried to ignore it because of how he felt ‘pressurised’. I felt like I began treading on egg shells around him because one wrong word he would finish it. Like I was holding onto him and believe his intention was to just push me away.

He is part of a very female dominated society, so on sports social Wednesdays he went out with a group of girls and one boy. He said that the club he was in had crap signal and would text me as much as he could. I woke up to a message saying ‘my night was alright, it just went a bit shit for some people in the group, I’ll explain when you get up’. He proceeded to say that he slept over a girls house because she started having a mental breakdown, probably alcohol infused. Him and his apparent boy mate (I still don’t believe he stayed with him), walked her home and another mate they went out with suggested they should stay the night due to it being so late and probation houses. He said he slept on the couch and he can see why I was upset. He phoned me to say that he was sorry, he will start making more effort and that he is excited to see me tomorrow. He went for a nap and roughly 6 hours later saying that he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore and thinks we should break up due to a little bicker we had.

I want some opinions on the situation as right now I’m confused. He is a completely different boy, he’s always said I’m the one and that he’d never leave me again. (So back story to this is that we spoke for 3 months before and dated before but only for a week. He basically left me for his ex. He came back really sad saying ‘I’m sorry, I should’ve realised how good you were’, eventually I understood and got back with him) it has been two years of a great relationship, nothing toxic. He apologised to my family and friends when he came back the first time and really grovelled to win me back. He always promised to not leave me again and that he would be an idiot to. It’s just a head wreck. So I am unsure that if this boy is confused and will come back? It seemed like such an impulsive decision and he’s in this bubble of new things and excitement. Like it’s really destroying me, everyone said we were soul mates and were meant to be. It’s just so random how quick he has changed to me. Our last conversation he said something along the lines of ‘my head hasn’t been turned, I don’t like any of the girls in the society, they’re just good friends. I just want to be on my own for a while. I probably am going to kick myself because you’re a great girl but I just couldn’t anymore’. Like what does this mean? He deleted me off of Snapchat and unfollowed me on Instagram a week later. But I unfriended him on a few things prior. He’s been extremely quick to delete the photos off of Instagram and Twitter. Like is this boy confused? Does anyone think if he will come back? Is it going to hit him later on?

Opinions and advice would be very much appreciated.

October 16, 2019, 02:50:00 PM
Reply #1
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Subaru


Save yourself, use  https://t.co/T2qGuDz8mo   you can be anon, free registration

October 17, 2019, 07:53:53 PM
Reply #2
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NOTSOCHATTY


he's not interested.... time to move on!!!!!.save yourself the disappointment........

October 18, 2019, 11:12:28 AM
Reply #3
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moissanite


Just don't give and everything will be ok!

October 21, 2019, 06:13:10 PM
Reply #4
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Fraser1987


Never give up. Things can and will change

October 27, 2019, 07:05:25 AM
Reply #5
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sara


It depends on a lot of factors. However, if he really is a narcissist it’s likely he’ll try.

Is he actually narcissistic?
We see all sorts of “red flags” and “warning signs” on Quora where people attempt to define narcissism based on what they decide fits the profile. The only way to know for sure if it actually is narcissism is if you look up the clinically recognized symptoms not from a forum or a site like this but a psychiatric book for diagnosis or sites like mayo clinic or other psychiatry diagnosis sites. Many of these “red flags” are more just red flags for a bad relationship and as such you cannot honesty call the person narcissistic in good conscience and because of that cannot make predictions on what he may do.
How did the relationship end?
How it ended will decide if he may continue to try to come back into your life or not. For instance if he believes he knows why you’re leaving him validating it even if that’s not the real reason or what you say is untrue, is the best way to get a narcissist to let go.

For example, in my experience, I had to verbally tell him he was right in the reason of the brakeup for him to stop coming by and trying to catch the door unlocked, have my kids let him in, or bang on the doors and windows over and over if nobody answered. If he got in it was hazardous to act like you didn’t want him there or suggest breakup though.

Keep in mind too, This validation only works completely if he doesn’t make a prediction for himself to validate when he lets you go.

The reason for the break up in a narcissist's mind is clearly you and your factors and has nothing to do with anything they’ve done. They believe they are right about everything.
What has happened in past relationships?
If you look at his past you can pretty accurately determine if he’ll try to come back (if you know his past relationships). If the women he was with often leave the area after the relationship it probably means they could not stay here in peace. If this is a pattern you see he’ll most likely be back but that’s not a good thing.
Just be careful if he is a real narcissist. Leaving him can put them in a volatile state.
If you are serious to get your ex-girlfriend back, then you need to get the proven strategy that is included in the magic of making up system. You can also click here :   *Link Removed*

January 17, 2020, 05:35:58 AM
Reply #6
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ppambaby


he's not interested.... time to move on!!!!!.save yourself the disappointment........

talk to(greatsangomaa@yahoo.com}
your ex will surely come back

 

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