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Author Topic: When Do You Give Up On Your Marriage

December 04, 2019, 05:34:13 PM
Read 488 times


Just as the title states, when do you truly know your marriage is over, and it’s time to throw in the towel?

For the most part, 7 of the 8 years we’ve been together, and this last year not so great. I’m not sure what or how things changed so drastically, but they did. We went from having sex 4-6 times a week, to I’m lucky if he accidentally brushes up against me in the hall. I tried adding toys, another woman, all sorts of new things or things I thought he’d be interested in, and it didn’t help.

I then became extremely self conscious, and even though I’ve always been in pretty good shape, I joined a gym, lost weight, started toning up my body, and still...nothing. Other men are even starting to openly hit on me in front of him and he could care less. I truly don’t believe he’s cheating. Well, I actually know he’s not, but something serious has changed with him.

Additionally, we spent 7 years together with some fights, harsh words, etc., but he never put his hands on me. Now, this last year he’s busted my lip, bruised my face, arms, wrists and back, choked me once which resulted in stitches from me flailing around, and one day after therapy (I have PTSD) he was half drunk and told me I should go on, grab my gun, do him and my family a favor, and blow my head off. I was so shocked and hurt that I cried for literally 2 days.

The kicker is though, I’ve tried to leave, and threaten divorce and then suddenly his attitude changes for a few days until he gets me right back in his gripes. It will be extremely hard for me to leave and make it on my own and he knows this. I just don’t know if it’s to the point where I give up on this marriage once and for all and start the struggle of getting away. I can’t talk about this to anyone around here because of both of our families holding prominent positions and I can’t go to my family for help because my situation and a divorce would be “shameful.” (I live in the Bible Belt).

I’m just at my wits end and struggling mentally, emotionally, and even physically at this point. I apologize for this being so long.

December 07, 2019, 02:05:34 PM
Reply #1


Marriage is hard but physical violence should be a deal breaker. Make plans for yourself, without him. At the very minimum, couples counseling if he will go. If he won't, you should def throw in the towel. Keep the separation clean and polite as possible...don't leave any more wake than you have to...sounds like he has anger issues. Maybe he's going through something and HE needs therapy. Either way you don't need to suffer emotionally and physically. Good luck. You only get one life, don't waste it on someone like that. My two cents.

December 08, 2019, 02:49:01 PM
Reply #2


I am sorry you are going through such difficult times and even worse, have no one to talk to.
I believe you have to start believing in yourself and not letting him get away with things he is doing to you. I don't know what has changed in the past year for him, but obviously he is going through something serious. Have you tried talking to him about your desires, wants, needs? What is his reply?
My advise would be to try and take a break. For some time, let's say two months, you go, live somewhere else, do not contact him. Maybe he or you will come to some conclusions about yourselves individualy or as a couple. Then get together and see where you're at.
But if he hurts you physicaly again, just leave and never look back, because it will never get better, no matter what he says.

December 30, 2019, 10:27:39 PM
Reply #3


Just as the title states, when do you truly know your marriage is over, and it’s time to throw in the towel?

I’m just at my wits end and struggling mentally, emotionally, and even physically at this point. I apologize for this being so long.

it's over.  he hit you.  i've been in that same situation twice and they don't stop, no matter what they say or promise.  it's a deep-seated problem and you can't fix it.  i left without announcing i was filing for divorce, that's the only way you can leave.  take whatever job you can to survive unless you want to stay all torn up in a chaotic situation.

you can't have any contact with them, verbal or otherwise.  a man who will put his hands on you is manipulative and doesn't have your interests in mind, it's only what he wants that matters.  why can't you talk to your therapist about this?

December 31, 2019, 12:54:35 AM
Reply #4


Every marriage has issues, but once your safety is at risk that's where you have to stop and think about yourself 1st. I got out of a 7 year long abusive relationship and was the hardest thing to do considering we had children. The marriage is over once any type of abuse begins to take place. He sounds like my abuser trying to manipulate you into remaining in their control he doesnt love you and it will only get worse. Once you realize this this and accept it you become stronger and begin to love your amazing self. Never put up with abuse no one has the right to hurt you especially in your own home where you should be the safest. Be careful because he sounds like he is capable of truly hurting you. Be safe, good luck and know your worth. You deserve much better. Self love is number 1

December 31, 2019, 10:54:25 AM
Reply #5


You are willing to add another women in the bedroom for fun and he's... hitting you?   Girl it's time to get away from that dude. 


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