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Author Topic: Very confused by an event in the past

May 29, 2019, 11:31:57 AM
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I have been married to my wife for 3 years. We dated for 14 years before we got married.
About 18 months ago my wife told me that while we were dating    about 5 years into our relationship while on a cruise with her GFs she had gone night stand and slept with a guy.  I had always suspected something because she was acting a bit odd when she came back.   I was not happy and went though her photo album collection(she is very organised) and found an album she made from the cruise. There were at least a dozen pictures of this guy many with them arm and arm and hugging and sitting on her lap etc. This lead me be more upset and she told me the event was a mistake and meant nothing but she did admit she talked to him twice on the phone after the cruise.   Also 6 months after the cruise when was with the same GFs at a bar and I stopped by after work..she had told me she would be there. I walk in and she is sitting on some guys lap. I was not very happy that evening(I did not know about the cruise then).  So back to 18 months ago   We had several heated discussions saying I was very hurt and confused about what our relationship was .... so then she tells me she was essentially date raped .   
My issue is this   I take date rape very seriously and do not want to doubt her
From looking at the pictures and roughly know the cruise itinerary what she told me how it happen does not add up
Why would she keep the pix of him.... and the pictures were precisely in chronological order in the album..in other words she took a lot of time and thought creating the album
Why 6 months later would she put herself in a situation like she did at the bar
I dont want to think she would lie about the rape but..... It doesnt make sense
It scares me that the relationship I thought we had was not what I thought it was  and it is bothering me
Should this bother me?  should I be upset? should I just let it go

May 29, 2019, 08:09:48 PM
Reply #1


I wonder why one and a half years into your marriage your wife decided to tell you about something that occurred over 10 years ago before you were even married.  It probably isn't wise for anyone to use the term "date rape" loosely.  However, it may be that they had been drinking and so agreed to do something that they wouldn't have done otherwise.  The way I see it, being in a relationship and being in a married relationship aren't exactly the same thing.  Has she been 100% loyal to you since you have been married?  If so, that is what really counts, in my opinion.  The fact that she told you about this 18 months ago and you are still stressing about it (and that she waited 10 years to tell you) makes me wonder if you two need some tools to resolve this.  I would recommend a few sessions with a marriage counselor.


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