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Author Topic: The other Girl

May 20, 2019, 06:33:29 PM
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Hi All!  I'm new here, but am glad to see there are still forums around for this kind of thing.  It's been a while since I felt like I needed one. 

So my BF and I have been together mostly for about 2 years.  He has always had this female "best friend".  Thing is, before he and I got serious, he was spending a considerable amount of time with her, always late at night while her boyfriend was gone, and their conversations were always late at night. He had strong feelings for her, and they came very close to having an affair.  Her boyfriend returned from boot camp and she squashed all the time spending and much of the conversations.  Shortly after, he decided he wanted to be serious with me.  Things were fantastic for about 3 months, until she started messaging him again.  i was patient and understanding, until he started lying to me about who he was talking to.  He would be with me, and his phone would be going off nonstop all night long.  She was blowing him up, he would answer her, while I was there, constantly assuring me it was nothing.  They were just friends.  But he refused to tell her he had a girlfriend, saying "we don't talk about things like that". He did eventually tell her, which ironically only made her message him MORE.  Gradually his time with me decreased, as it was becoming a huge problem and he wasn't doing anything about it, said I was being ridiculous.  He couldn't understand that his 40-60% attention to her, even with me, was neglecting our relationship and hurting me.  He got mad, defensive, and I broke it off because of this. 

A little while later, he came back.  Told me he understood why I was upset and admitted he was wrong and really made an effort to not be so attentive to her.  Then one night she started in again, and he opened her message and it was her naked covered by just a blanket, drunk.  I got really angry and made him leave. 

A few weeks later someone broke into his snapchat and sent her and her family a ton of messages between him and a friend of his to her, her boyfriend, her family, and her boyfriend's family.  Of course, he blamed me, but I can say with all sincerity I'll leave before doing something so drastic.  So clearly someone else also had issue with their "secret" relationship.  I don't know what was exactly in the messages but it clearly was enough to expose whatever they had going. 

She then stopped talking to him for several months, but things went south between us because it messed him up, which in turn proved further to me just how deep his feelings for her were, even if he wouldn't admit them. 

It's now been several more months down the road, and now we are trying one more time to be together.  I said no for over a month and he kept trying and trying, and assured me she was gone.  Out of his life.  She even broke their 700 some day long snap streak.  So i gave him another chance.  Things have been better than ever, he isn't distracted, he is focused on me and his future.  We finally have some stability and understanding between us. 

Until 2 days ago.  She out of nowhere started messaging him again. It's almost like she knows when things are starting to get solid between him and I, and she has to intervene.  She started blowing up his phone.  I told him I am not doing this again and that if he wants her in his life she needs to keep her distance like a normal friend, message him maybe two or three times a week, not 60 to 70 a night.  I was willing to give him the chance to put a cap on her blatant disrespect for boundaries. 

Instead, he told her he cannot have her in his life because its causing problems.  She got mad and said he's letting me dictate what he does.  He told her it is his choice. But now, he is angry with me.  he hasn't said it, but I can tell he is.  She was gone for a long time, and he healed from that, but one day of her talking to him and it's got him all torn up again.  I didn't make him choose, I just told him if he screws this up again, this is the last time period. 

Was I wrong?  I don't think I am.  Becaase if they were truly just friends, she would have respected the fact that he is in a relationship last year when he first told her.  Instead it's like she didn't want his attention to go anywhere else, even though she just bought a house with her boyfriend, and wanted to make sure she kept him wrapped around her finger. 

I am watching closely to see how this affects us.  Honestly, I don't think we will make it because I can see him resenting me for losing her. 


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