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Author Topic: Should I Give Up?

January 06, 2020, 05:53:38 AM
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Yes, I know. The title is what would be expected of school kid going through their first break up. Not my proudest title name, but probably not the worst I've come up with in my life.

Now, why do I ask that question? Well, it actually did start in high school (funny how that works). During my sophomore and most of my junior years, I dated this girl. And while we had disagreements from time to time, I thought it was a good relationship overall. Until I found out she had been cheating on me, and had left me for an ex she swore she'd never go back too.

Now, if that's where the story ended, I wouldn't be posting this. Shit happens and that was years ago. Well, after I got to the point where what happened didn't affect me (can't say got over, because I don't think I ever have), I began dating another girl. We dated for three years, and waited one of those before having sex. I thought it was going to be great. That it was going to last We didn't fight as much as me and my ex had, though we still had disagreements of course, and I believed we really loved each other.

Turns out she'd been fucking around for the last two years of the relationship. That actually kind of broke me when I find out. Especially since one of the people she had cheated on me with was someone I considered a close friend... And his words when asked why he would have sex with his best-friends girlfriend; "She came on to me. What was I suppose to do, say no? I'm not gay."

Skip past the attempted suicide, and the stay at a mental ward, to my third girlfriend... Not even a month into the relationship and I find her coming on to my cousin... Are you starting to see the pattern?

After that, I'd gone years without dating. Past experiences had left me with more than enough trust issues for a lifetime, and my confidence, what little there was of it to begin with, was gone. Let's skip once more to a couple years back, and my first girlfriend returned to my life. And I, like the absolute idiot I am, thought "Well, time changes everyone."

I wanted it work. Make up for our past, and hopefully start a new. If she needed help, I helped. It was mostly cash, but hey, we all need help from time to time. Didn't think much of it. And then it turns out I was just a convenient resource while she shacked up with a guy she had gotten to know during her past relationship.

Without me whining anymore, the question I pose is this; Should I give up? I have zero confidence in my appearance, personality, and ability to approach women. Hell, I'm more than half convinced I'm the reason everything bad happened. I've gone over all the events in my head, and while I'm not sure what I could have done differently to change it, I'm sure there's something there.

Also, as I said above, I have an enormous amount of trust issues. Would it even be right for me to get in a relationship with that kind baggage?

Or am I just being too dramatic? Is this even actually important enough to post, or am I just wasting the time of who ever reads this? If that's the case, than I'm sorry for taking up your time.

January 07, 2020, 02:52:25 AM
Reply #1


Mate I feel for you.

There are certain times in our life when things don’t go to plan or as clearly as you think they should.

From my view point you are clearly targeting a similar characteristic in women, likely narcissistic, who do what they want without a care in the world for who they hurt as it’s all about them.

I’m sure you aren’t bad looking, and you seem to be able to pull a sentence together so smart as well.

Give yourself time to heal and reflect on what qualities in these women drew you in the first place as to not repeat the mistakes again. It feels like there is a trait that draws you in and then keeps you.

Go on as many dates as you can and experience the wide range of women out there. There are some lovely people out there - the world is your oyster. But you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. But I wouldn’t give up.

January 16, 2020, 09:05:04 AM
Reply #2


I'm sorry you went through all of that.
I'm no dating expert but I suggest you work on yourself first. What would help make you feel more confident about yourself? What do you think would help you be more trust worthy towards future relationships? I personally think we should at least work on the characteristics we have that could potentially affect the relationship before diving into it. Sure, the right partner will be there with you and the both of you could work on each other's weaknesses but wouldn't it be better if you could focus that energy into something else instead?

January 24, 2020, 07:41:08 AM
Reply #3



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February 04, 2020, 12:10:46 AM
Reply #4


I almost felt like you stole my life and posted it here. First of all, I'm sorry you've had to suffer the effects of toxic people.  Secondly, I know it's easier said than done, but getting yourself in the right place is a must before you bring someone else into your life. That being said, I believe you know the answer to your question but you're hoping someone out there will have a perfect solution and it will fix you. I'm also sure that by now you recognize the similarities of your past relationships and can pin point the moment you knew for sure it was headed downhill each time. I know these things because I've made the same choices/mistakes. And I'd like nothing more than to say it all works out in the end but I have too many scars to say that honestly. My answer to your question is, don't give up. Keep taking the risk and be hopeful that in doing so you'll figure out what you need versus what you're settling for. There's an infinite amount of positive quotes, love advice, lists of right and wrong ways to be in a relationship and so on. At the end of the day, none of those things are comforting when you're not holding someone in your arms. If you're cool being alone while you sort out what makes you tick, then by all means that's the healthy choice. But if you ache with loneliness, you are going to reach for someone. Maybe she's "The One" maybe not. Each experience is a lesson about who YOU are and what you're willing to do to be happy. Much love and luck to you on your journey.


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